In this episode, Linda gets serious about working out...

Her tongue is gonna be diesel!

Guess what? Linda attempted to run!

So we are informed at the start of this episode, which is devoted to following Linda Hogan's fitness. She needs to get in shape as she feels that there's "no way" she can put on a bikini now. But donning a sports bra on national television is just fine. Crazy Hogans. Anyway, Linda wants a trainer. Even though she would seem to share a bed with a potential one...

...she doesn't want Terry to train her. "It's hard and you take too long," she says. Oh, to have Linda Hogan's problems. After some protesting, Terry gives up and decides to help her find a trainer.

A week later, a man with a funny accent rings the Hogans...

..."I'm here to, uh, get Linda in shape," is Martin the trainer's method of announcing himself. You sure about that, Frosty? You know that he brought his bleaching foil just in case the whole workout thing doesn't, uh, work out.

He sits with Linda at the table to plan their method of attack. Within seconds he strokes Linda's face and tells her that she has a beautiful smile.

Just judging from this, it makes sense that Martin is confusing an expression of disgust with a smile. It probably happens all the time. Anyway, Brooke is fairly scandalized at this:

We learn that he was Mr. Slovakia '95 and Mr. Florida '96. I'm going to try to refrain from calling him Little Miss Redline. He decides to put Linda through a few tests to get a gauge on her strength. He has her do push-ups and then he suggests that she "do the ball." Racy!

Terry walks in at the end of their session. He says, "He looks like a young Brutus," whatever that means. Martin condescendingly chuckles and says, "I am like myself." Yourself with some spiral pasta attached to your scalp. Linda tells terry Martin was Mr. Slovakia. "Slovakia? Is that near Transyvania?" asks Terry. "If you don't know so far, why would you want to know?" asks Martin. The same question could be asked in response to, "What'd Martin just say?"

Martin leaves and Terry calls him a "fat f***." Well, his head is, at least.

We then see Linda in another session with Martin.

Nick and Terry look on. Nick wonders why Martin's touching Linda. Terry says, "Well, that's what your mom wants." The therapy session from the this show's season premiere would seem to contradict that. When the workout is over, Terry performs the greatest act of charity of his career: he gets Martin off our TVs for good. It all starts when Terry asks Martin's last name. Martin says something that's bleeped out. It may or may not be "C***s*****." Well, it would make sense that he came from a long line of them. Terry, of course, takes exception to this and Martin references Terry's "attitude" last time he was there. "You asked where I'm from. Is not important. I am a man," says Martin. He's from the womb, and don't you forget it.

Martin's most fatal blow is calling wrestling "fake." This results in an argument...

...which results in Martin being banished from the Hogans' house, which results in a much more enjoyable episode. Yay.

Linda, however, doesn't really see it that way. She thinks Terry's jealous of Martin.

Linda, having only seen this show and not knowing you and your husband at all, I can say with confidence: you're wrong.

Terry again asks Linda to work out with him, and Linda again refuses. "I'm just gonna go to the gym and see what everyone else is doing." Her eye muscles will be strong, at least.

She and Brooke hit a Crunch. The inquire about classes and the woman behind the desk tells them that they offer on in pole dancing.

Again, Brooke is scandalized. She really needs to get out more. Emancipate, Brooke! Linda says that they aren't interested in such disgusting filth. Or at least, that's what she implies. The Crunch worker goes on to suggest a relaxation class and another called "Abs-olutely Hilarious," which promises to be gut-busting in at least two ways.

Relaxation occurs.

It is dull. Then, Brooke and Linda go to the Abs-olutely Hilarious class. They tell the instructor that this is their first time.

"I have some abdominal virgins?" he asks boisterously. When he's met with a blank stare he says, "This is the comedy abs class, so you can laugh." This is a comedy abs class, so you can be funny. It's a two-way street, Sam Kinisuck. As the class progresses, it becomes clear that a more appropriate name would have been Abs-loutely Innuendo, as the class leader's jokes are mostly about implied humping and autofellatio.

A few weeks later, Linda gets on the scale wearing high heels. It turns out she's gained 5 lbs. She must not have been laughing hard enough. LAUGH HARDER, LINDA. Terry finally is able to convince her to work out with him.

She does a lot of moaning and complaining...

But it all pays off in the end: it turns out that under Terry's guidance, she's lost 10 lbs.

She tells her family of the news. Everyone's happy, especially Terry. The weight loss "makes your boobs look bigger," he tells her. Ah, so he had selfish interest vested in this all along!

Comments

[shaqbk]

i think this show is soooooooooo over rated i cant stand this show what this is reality cosby show i mean give me a break his daughter is still not haveing sex yea right.and the sky is not blue

[tee]

I have to know the exercise & diet you did Linda. I need to get past 10 lbs. I can't seem to find the right exercise to make it work for me. Please Please Please share the exercise & diet plan you did.

[Midnight]

From the way things look to me i see that Hulk really loves Linda but she don't love him. Seems like she takes him for granted. He's always looking at her and wanting to be by her and she just ignores him is even annoyed by his attentions. I wish my man paid me as much attention. Luv ya Hulk

[Daniel Ambriz]

I love hulk hogan .....and I enjoy seeing the real everyday situations on how your family sticks together through all the drama of the media and family life hardships we all go through. Much success and God Bless.

[Bob Saner]

I will say the show is good. But for right now, I will say my prays are with the family and nick and his friend.

[kimberly]

Bollea Family,

Terrence I think you are the best husband and father out there. I have been a fan for years and now a fan of the ''Hogan knows best'' show. I don't miss a show. I was so shocked when I heard Nick was in that car crash. Coming from me who use to race my Transam for a about 4 years. I'm thrilled to hear he is alright and he went home. I use to live in the fast lane with my car and thought there were nothing better. If I died I wanted it to be on the track, where my heart was! To be honest it's not worth losing your life. God bless you all and Nick, take it form me slow it down.............Be a good boy!! Love ya all. Linda good luck with losing the weight. You can do it!!!!! Hugs

[Keyandra]

I think that Linda Hogan is not overweight. She has a better body than I have and I'm only 18. You look fab-u-lous.

[virginia pelaquin]

Terri,Linda andBrooke,
I am so worried about your son/brother (Josh)I love you guys
and saw the serious auto wreck on the news please know our family pray for all of you and trust everything will be alright.we don't know any more than the broadcast informed just prayin for a safe turn out.
we love ya's
Ginny from Mass.

[brenda]

i think it is time that nick gets a little a life lesson children need to earn what they have no matter what there parents have a children need to be held accountable for there actions

[Mike Mead]

I'm puzzled why Nick was/is so irresponsible. It is reported that he has had 3 tickets in the year since he got his license with 2 of them exceeding 100 miles per hour. This accident has crimal behavior written all over it and I'm afraid the Hogan's should pay dearly for allowing him to act this way. I'm shocked he was still allowed to drive with that record.

[ELFDOG]

dear Brook i think u are a very great looking girl, i love to get your album but i dont now when its coming out. u are so sexy how do u do it

[Derek]

all i kno is nick and brooke are the luckiest kids man 2 have a father like that,i loved my dad R.I.P dad but my dad wuz a herion addict,2 have a father lick hulk who cares about u guys man u should cherish that 4ever

[Jeffrey]

hope you got to keep your pets i'm praying for you guys that you get to keep your family together becuase they are apart of your family

[dOug]

Hope everything is alright with nick.
He is in our prayers

[bob henry]

i saw that nick was in a accedent,
i pray that he will be alright.
please e- me back and let me know.

thank you,and GOD BLESS