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July 18, 2007
Scott Baio Is 45...and Single Brief-cap - Episode 1

Not five minutes into its premiere episode, Scott Baio Is 45...And Single reveals itself as the antithesis of Rock of Love with a single image:

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It's gonna be a not-so-bumpy ride. In fact, it's not gonna be a ride at all. But hang on, if you must. Just not to Scott.

Welcome to Scott Baio Is 45...and Single, the show in which Scott Baio attempts to figure out why he's single...at 45. It's all in the title. How's that for straightforward?

Basically, this show is about Scott Baio getting to the bottom of his commitment issues. He's been a notorious ladies man for virtually the last 30 years and now he finds himself in a relationship with a woman named Renee...

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...whom he may ultimately leave since...well, that's kind of what he does. But that's not what he wants to to do. And so, essentially, this show wonders if you can teach a 45-year-old dog new tricks.

After running through a few options, including a cougar-like babe who offers to "intimately engage" with Scott, the actor settles on a life coach to help him on his self-journey.

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She's Doc Ali, she has a Ph.D. and she isn't interested in Feng Shuing his organs or jumping his bones. In fact, just the opposite: in her first meeting with Scott, she tells him that he must reconnect with old girlfriends and (gasp!) remain celibate for two months, if he's to get to the bottom of his problem. In fact, he's not allowed to see Renee at all for two months.

But before he can tell his girlfriend that, let's meet the three men who will provide his biggest source of temptation through all of this:

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That's Jason Hervey. You may remember him as Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years. Seriously.

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That's Steve Cuccio, whose nickname is "Cooch." Seriously!

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And that's Johnny V, whom Scott describes as a "5'4, 180 lb. walking hormone." Is there any other kind of walking hormone?

Collectively, these men to Scott are, to get technical, his brahs.

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They golf and stuff.

After explaining the demands of Doc Ali (whom Scott refers to as "Dark Alley," probably because Scott's not to go down...well, anything), it's time to break the news to Renee. Before he even says anything, it's clear he's in pain:

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You know what else is clear? Our primary way of following Scott during these brief recaps will be to monitor his wincing. Since the past can be messy, there will be a lot of it. The one above registers just below the nuts-in-a-vice level.

He lets Renee know the deal. Renee is shocked and dismayed.

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Obviously.

Still: she's supportive. He can do his life-coach thing and hopefully it will be good for the relationship. If he can't guarantee commitment by the end of the eight weeks, Renee's bouncing, not unlike nuts out of a vice, actually.

The next day, Scott's visited by Doc Ali. He isn't wincing, but his appearance is.

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So is his butt. He informs her that he's such a mess after having to temporarily break it off with Renee that he can't sleep or "do Number 2." This is yet another way in which Scott Baio Is 45...and Single distinguishes itself from the rests of the Celebreality fare.

In his session with Doc Ali, Scott reveals that a woman by the name of Susie Carlson was the first girl he ever cared for. She advises him to call Susie and ask her what went wrong. He does and they set up a meeting. On the way, Scott spots a KFC and decides to stop to buy some chicken for Susie. When you care enough to send the very best, right? It's like Hallmark as interpreted by Flavor Flav. Gold crown and all!

Scott meets with Susie.

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She reveals Scott's deeply seated commitment issues. She remembers multiple instances when he'd leave her to hang out with Playmates. The way Susie reckons, Scott's always looking for the next-best-thing. Having learned a bit more about himself, Scott says that he's going to leave her. Susie sharply retorts, "It's not an unfamiliar thing." Her crushing wit forces another wince out of Scott:

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This wince is about at the brain-stubbing level.

And then, another session with Doc Ali. Scott reveals that being famous "crippled" him when it comes to women because of how readily available the girls were for so long. He also reveals that he lost his virginity to Erin Moran, Joanie of Happy Days. Apparently, Joanie didn't just love Chachi; she chachied him. After a time, actually -- Scott tells the story of their first encounter. It was on a corduroy couch and before he made love to Erin, he made love to the couch. You've heard that teenagers will have sex with anything, and now you have the proof by way of Scott Baio. Scott doesn't really wince when he tells that story -- he leaves it up to you.

Anyway, as you could guess, Scott meets with Erin.

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They talk about the last time they saw each other, a few years ago at a Happy Days reunion. Scott wasn't into it.

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That that wince is of the please-not-another-spin-off variety.

Erin recounts their young love. Scott wanted to marry her. Also he assured her that he would "grow."

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Uh, yeah. Apparently, Scott wasn't so endowed as a teenager and was convinced that his penis had some stretching to do. O...K? That he's allowed this sensitive information to be included in an episode of his own show is very big of him, ironically.

Scott saves his big wince for Erin's invitation to join her at an autograph signing.

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That's just below a I-don't-want-fans-touching-me-or-my-(formerly?)-small-pee-pee level wince.

And yet, he goes.

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The event is full of colorful characters...

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...those characters are mostly Scott's previous incarnations. Though he hates this stuff and didn't want to come in the first place (he arranges for Johnny V to come in the middle and cut things short), he actually has fun. A fan asks him to kiss her and he refuses, but he does offer a hug.

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You have to wonder if he's wincing behind her head. If not: true progress.

Anyway, Johnny V comes in and scoops him up, to Erin's irritation. That night, armed with the knowledge that, hey, he might not be so misanthropic after all, Scott calls Renee.

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He leaves her a message basically telling her how much he misses her. He throws down the phone on the pool table and we see this final shot:

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Is the show trying to tell us that communication is a big game? Oooh! Symbolism. Fade to thoughtful wince.


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Comments
Sallie

You're kidding right?! Why is Scott 45 and single? Well, maybe, because he may be the most shallow human being alive. Why would anyone waste their time.

Sam

I Love this SHOW!!!!!
I'm the female version of poor Scott, and doing the same re-evaluation of myself (THANK GOD IT DIDN'T TAKE ME TO TURN 45 TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!!)

Pamela

It becomes very clear after the first episode why Scott is 45 and still single. Scott, let me clear it all up for you. You might be more of a jerk than anyone I've seen on any reality show since the beginning of reality shows. My first thought was "what an A---". My second thought "I was much too kind with my first thought."

Gwen

My husband could not stop laughing when Scott rolled up with the KFC. I had to pause the DVR so he could get it together. Not as good as Rock of Love, but it's not bad either.

rebekah

such a boring and lame show... a total waste of time, can someone please explain this man's appeal? He was gross then and is grosser now- boring, boring boring! VH1, why did you agree to this, you kick a** with all of the other shows but this one SUCKS!!!!!!

scott bail has always been hot...he's not fake...either you like him or you don't... I do very much
Jennifer

As I watched the first episode of Scott Baio my first reaction was of sorrow and pity for him because everyone needs love and a companion...but then as the episode ran on, I reevaluated why I had that first reaction...I think it was because as I was growing up watching him on TV he looked like he had it all together and then somewhere I thought he lost who he was. But after watching this first show, I came to the conclusion that he must be so self absorbed and into what "Feels right at the Moment" stage (like a teenager)that he hasn't been able to connect and have a true adult relationship. It makes me wonder if Scott has truly ever been through thick and thin with someone, because if not, he will never find the deeper love...because once a couple has worked out struggles or faced some tragedy, the love is deeper and more committed...based on what I saw, Scott has never let any relationship get that far...and shame on him...besides look at his friend Johnny V...what is that about, he acts so much more immature than my own teenage son...I would be appalled as a mother if my son acted like Johnny V...Scott needs to grow up. Growing up doesn't mean stop having fun. Life is what you make it-Live it to the fullest. But without someone to share it with-what does it matter then.

moss

...but did his p33n grow any bigger?

Lisa Arnold, M.A.

As a counselor, I agree with about 5% of what Scott's therapist is doing, the rest is contemporary garbage. I would never humiliate a client with "the wrapping" procedure and then walk out. It accomplished nothing, and she could have just as easily explained that Scott has avoidance issues and is self-protective---he is NOT stupid or five years old. And if Scott is questioning her tactics, it's a red flag right off the bat and I think he should look to someone whose interests are in helping him rather than belittling him by interupting him, not answering valid questions, and IF he is planning on marriage, some joint counseling is definitely called for. P.S. Johnny is not a friend but a yes man and also tends to manipulate Scott at the same time. Who has the most to lose if Scott marries? You guessed it and he will sabotage Scott's success every chance he gets. True friend? No. True therapist? Too wacky, have some respect for the man will you?

Al

It is a celebrity-based reality TV show so let's not try to assign it more value than it can provide. I'm committed to this show because I think Scott is genuinely committed to the process (and was on the verge of tears several times during the episode). I know where he's coming from. And Johnny V is going down!

Bailey

Wow. I was the girl growing up who had Scott Baio all over her walls when everyone else had Shaun Cassidy or Leif Garrett. I've been a fan of his since "Bugsy Malone" and "Who's Watching the Kids" and "Blansky's Beauties". LONG time. So I can honestly say I was shocked beyond belief to see him doing a reality show! He comes across as very sincere in what he's trying to accomplish, to settle down finally and maybe "grow up". He's alot more cynical about life than I would have imagined and it amazes me how anyone can be in the public eye as long as he has and isn't the least bit comfortable around new people or for that matter, people in general. He's very short with people and doesn't mince words. I don't like to mince words either but he takes it to the extreme. The only people he really seems comfortable around are Jason, Cooch, and Johnny V. (who's an idiot, by the way) and I think Scott would benefit from cutting him loose. Johnny V. is holding him back and if I were Renee I would have kicked him right in the nuts a LONG time ago. Having to ask one of your supposed best friends to take a "time-out"? This guy has the mentality of a 12 year old. Other than that I love the show and it's great to see Scott back on TV where he belongs. The only thing better would be seeing him on the big screen but you can't have everything, I guess. I guess I'll always be a Scott Baio fan!

John Patterson

I happened on this show late night and got hooked. Both of the first two episodes were fascinating. The guy is revealing more of himself than one would expect on TV, even for a reality show. He honestly feels he has a problem and the therapist is taking his perception seriously. However, as noted above, some of her tactics leave me less than thrilled. These sessions are being conducted for two reasons: 1) to help Scott with his immaturity and 2) to make money with a reality show. The second objective is shaping the first. She doesn't listen enough, help him investigate his effect on others enough, and strikes me as a bit authoritarian. Nonetheless, I look forward to seeing more of Baio's struggle. He really is quite a display of immaturity, ingrained habit, and laziness. He'll have to work a lot harder at a continuing relationship than he's working on this show.

tay

i love the show...

tay

i really do love this show.

nat

i don't think the show is that bad..in fact..i find it interesting..i love scott baio..and his show!

tonya

i can't wait to see more!<3 scott baio's show is amazing!

tay

i really really do love this show!

preciousmak

You know Scott is a handsome man but holy bat crap, Batman; Scott's wardrobe is from another era. I beleive the fashion police are after him for being the poster child of "Clothes I would not be caught dead in" club. I'm sure he knows by now that what he wears can perceive him to be even more handsome or make it difficult to look at him. He really needs a fashion change cause as it stands I can not bear to watch him. Sorry, Scott but it is time you sought professional tips on the right clothing for you.

elsuzeque

This show is a home run all the way.

Doing this show is a balls-out move. Wow. I'm in.

Natalie

After watching the first ten minutes of this show, I became addicted!
I can not wait to see more! Love it!

nmd

I think it's fun to watch. Scott Baio is sooo Brooklyn like my dad & Tony Danza!!! I think most of this show is in fact staged. It's a novel idea though. Scott's aunt from West Babylon was a customer at the bank I worked in & she gave a whole other spin on his life. She had great things to say about him but NOT always about his choice of women. If this is for real maybe he should try talking to his family about what they think. If you date shallow that's all you get. A girl who knew him in Brooklyn & went to school with him since they were little said he started to change & get FULL of himself after he started getting popular. She said he went from being a nice regular kid to a show off. That bothers me since he seems so down to earth on camera. I hope he's as great as his aunt said. He's one of my favorite actors. Scott you should feel honored when people call you Chaci it means they appreciated your talent & in one word are telling you they loved your character. Get over your self! You are an actor & that's what you should expect. You do #2 just like the rest of us. You just get paid to say it. Ask the real people in your life what they think. But I guess that wouldn't make the show would it. My husband & I watched this because he knows I think your Brooklyn personality is so fun. I fully do not believe you are dumb enough to bring KFC to someone's house that you haven't seen in so long. So I think your writers need to do a little less extreem to make it believable. Your friend Johnny V. makes an excellent dork. Good Luck on life!!! Wish you had played Maverick in Top Gun. It would have been cool to see.

Leigh

Scott, grow up. You are the most shallow, arrogant, cocky man I have ever seen. You act like you are so above it all. If it wasn't for the roles you played in TV nobody would care who you are. The sad thing about you is that you are so detached from reality. You have objectified women and used them like toilet paper. The doc asked you to describe your perfect woman and you basically described a blonde playboy bunny. An image in a playboy issue that doesn't speak, feel or have any human value. You speak about women like they are dogs...you are pathetic. Why don't you just marry a bottle of bleach and silicone implants. All you care about is the blonde hair and playboy body. Marriage is all about the other person. Giving of self, dying to self. Being a loving leader, protector and provider. All you care about is getting laid and being left alone so as to hang with the "boys." Do us a favor, don't get married, and don't have babies. Get fixed and just be clear with the ladies that you are only using them for a lay and not a relationship. Where is your integrity? Where is your decency?

Badge823

Scott: You may know sex, but you don't know love. How sad for you at age 45. I hope you work through your issues.

Badge823

Scott: You may know sex, but you don't know love. How sad for you at age 45. I hope you work through your issues.

toomuchtvwatcher

This show cracks me up!! Why does Scott Baio need to get married? He seems fine to me--maybe he just should enjoy his life and not worry about finding a wife. Who says you have to settle down and have kids? I am sure he has nieces or nephews--isn't that enough? You don't need your own necessarily! I am enjoying the show so much but I can't stand the one friend--Johnny? or whatever--the chubby geek w/ the glasses. Is he an actor? He seems like he is acting in every scene--and not well! I hope Scott DOESN'T get married at the end of this show--and maybe there will be a season 2? or if he must, get married and then divorced--his next series could be "Scott Baio is 46 and Divorced".

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