The stars are great and all...

...but no one could have been prepared for the awesomeness that is Pep's No. 1 fan, Yolanda. She seriously might be the best to happen to The Surreal Life ever.

At the start of the episode, the Surreal Lifers are carted to meet the mayor of Las Vegas.

Mayor Goodman offends Verne immediately by referring to him as "Mini Me." Verne gets all finger-waving and head-bobbing, much like a Flavor of Love girl telling Mayor Goodman that he best respect him and call him by his real name.

The mayor apologizes and corrects himself. And you know what? Good for Verne for not taking his crap and accepting what he was given. Verne can be a pain in the ass, but he's kind of awesome for not being afraid to put the mayor of Las Vegas in his place, you know?

Nothing else notable happens, except that the mayor names that day (whenever it was) "Surreal Life Day in the city of Las Vegas." Honorable. He also gives the celebs keys to the city and "lucky chips." This makes Traci happy. She says she needs "all the luck I can get right now." Doesn't the fact that everyone got one make the chip less lucky? Isn't the playing field just as even as it was before? Just saying!

Then, at home, Ron and Traci discuss her favorite topic: celebrity. She asks if he considers himself A-list or B-list . Those are the only options? He says there's no way he's A-list because A-list doesn't do The Surreal Life. Self-awareness on this show? Get out! She tells Ron that she's ready to kick ass with Grace Jones-level intensity in her eyes.

Then, something horrible happens: Ron goes to the bathroom. Or, as Traci puts it: "He wasn't just going to the bathroom, he was really going to the bathroom." Specifically, it's "her" bathroom, and so she feels entitled to mess with him while he's on the can.

Look at the porn star getting modest all of a sudden!

Ron says that as she messes with him, Traci is making an ass out of him. Uh, his ass is doing a good enough job of that, if Rob's reaction to Ron's concoction is any indication:

When the air clears, it's time to congregate. A message from Robin informs the celebs that he'll be bringing to the house, "some people who love you very much." These aren't family or friends, but fans.

That's Dee Dee, Traci's fan.

That's Ginia, Rob's fan. Rob says he knew that Ginia was a true fan when she quoted some lines from his little-seen, but totally notorious vanity film Cool as Ice. That really is a good barometer, not just of Rob-fandom, but of patience and loyalty.

That's Yolanda, Pep's fan and the most awesome woman in the world. Pep says that her fan was smiling at her and making her nervous.

Pepa's afraid that Yolanda wants to shoop.

This is Ron's No. 1 fan, Kim Fields. Just kidding. Her name is Tawanda, and she first caught wind of Ron via his adult movies. She has no interest in him sexually, though. Is that in spite of, or because of?

And here's Verne's fan, Monique. As you can see, she brought some friends. They're also fans of Verne.

Here's how the challenge will go down: there will be an alarm attached to the fan's hand:

This hand must remain on the body of her respective Surreal Lifer at all times. If it leaves, the alarm goes off and that Surreal Lifer is out. The last two standing will be spared from the hell that is Back to Reality.

The game begins. Ron has Ginia slide her had under his wristband for safe keeping. Traci does something similar with Dee Dee's finger and her bracelet. Ron goes to his room and binds his and Tawanda's fingers together with a shoelace. That's totally cheap. Meanwhile, Pepa just holds on really hard to Yolanda. She says that she won't let go because of the promise of the prize money for the winner of The Surreal Life. Yolanda responds:

Yeah, way to corner your "favorite artist" in her weakest moment. Good work, Yo-Yo.

Meanwhile, Verne's all like, "Touch me anywhere." What's good strategy for getting lucky is poor strategy for this challenge. Monique apparent moved, and 15 minutes after the challenge has begun, Verne is already out.

And then there's Pep, holding on for dear Surreal Life.

She says, though, that if Jesus could take the pain, she can do this. Is she calling Yolanda her cross to bear?

Traveling into the kitchen, Pep sees that Ron has tied his and Tawanda's fingers together.

Pep decides that she'll do this, as well and as soon as she does, she lets go. Bye, bye, Yo-Yo.

Yolanda looks like she's crying in her parting shot. We all are.

Then, Robin decides to take the challenge to the next level and has all of the remaining Lifers stand up from their spots on the couch.

During this process, Dee Dee slips out of Traci's bracelet and that's that.

Gee, that was easy. Only for Traci Bingham would standing prove to be an unsurmountable challenge.

This means that Rob and Ron will be spared from Back to Reality. This week's game will be...

This is kind of awesome and meta. Basically, a quote from one of the Surreal Life Fame Games cast will be used for each question. A word will be taken out and the panel must fill in the f***ing blank. Like so:

This one's easy:

They're all right. The first two to thee points are safe.

This is awesome because of Pep's answer:

Silly rabbit! Sleeping holes are for...rabbits.

Anyway, the game progresses. Pep's the first to hit three points. She's safe. Then, it's down to Traci and Verne. Their final question is:

During this, we see Rob and Ron watching the game. Ron leans over to Rob and says, "I think I said testosterone." It doesn't seem important when it happens, but it becomes so, so remember it. Anyway, Traci picks "testosterone" and Verne picks "growing up to do," so Traci wins. When she finds this out she literally squeals. She's gonna sleep well in the rabbit hole tonight.

Verne's all salty because he lost, and so is Pep. She says that during the final question, as Robin read off the multiple choice answers, Rob (who knew the answer thanks to Ron) shook his head "no" to "issues," "anger" and "growing up to do" and nodded to "testosterone." This could have sent Traci the signal. Why it couldn't have sent a signal to Verne is not discussed. Maybe it had something to do with the lucky chip that Traci carried around with her. Anyway, at the suggestion that he cheated, Rob becomes up in arms and belligerent. You get the feeling that Rob would become belligerent at the suggestion of a wine at a restaurant.

A producer steps in, corroborating Pep's story.

We see footage of the big reveal:

At this, Pep feels vindicated.

Or maybe she feels like a contestant on The Price Is Right, if her arm-flailing is any indication. Hard to say.

Anyway, since it's impossible to tell whether Rob was signaling or just unconsciously reacting to the false answers, the outcome stands. Really: it's not like Verne couldn't have observed this, too. He could see over the podium and everything.

More fighting ensues.

Verne is clearly ready to go.

He says his goodbyes and it's pretty sad. He really was in it to win it, and his occasional bad attitude really just masked insecurity.

He says goodbye to Traci and you know that he's gonna miss her most of all.

They'll always have that weird drunken encounter in Verne's bed that may or may not have resulted in sex. Precious memories.

Comments

[Nancy]

Love ya, Rich, but it was Pepa, not Traci, who spelled "sleeper hold" wrong!

Hilarious as always.

[amanda]

I think Rob Van Winkle is a titty baby and cries about everything!

[Laurie]

Vanilla Ice is a brat-baby. He has more 'growing up to do' than 'testosterone' in my opinion.

[Rich]

So right, Nancy. Fixed. Thanks!

[Rocko]

Rob is just acting up to get a new show. Come on people Drama Sells! His wife must be a tyrent though!

[Elisa]

I can see if Rob was unaware of his reaction when speaking w/Ron, but Rob seems to always be unaware of his inability to be patient, the fact that he never shuts up and lets others speak, of the volume at which he pathetically attempts to get his point across, or the destruction that he leaves behind after his display at being a complete Horses Ass. All of our sympathy goes out to those that are forced to remain in his presence. Lord knows why he remains married.
As for the rest of the cast, we thoroughly enjoy watching you and Vern, we'll miss you!

[Brandon]

If Rob doesn't get his way he doesn't even listen to what people say. He just flips out and makes sure everyone knows how he feels. I guess he doesn’t know how the “GAME” he signed up to do works. Someone needs to knock him out and let him know he isn’t in charge. From what I remember he has flipped out at least once every damn episode!

Ron needs to just shut the hell up for once and maybe shit he bitches about won't happen to began with because he starts most if not all the drama, He is worse then a 15 year old chick in high school!

But then again, im sure it has something to do with all the drugs he has used.

The previews for the next show him being a baby and flipping out and breaking everything so he must of found out/been told that he doesn't have a chance to win. Hopefully he gets locked up and some help.

I don't know that much about him, but doesn't he has a wife and kids? If he does, with his anger problems I would bet money that he has beat his wife/girlfriend at least once!!

>

[takeit2themat]

This show gets weirder and weirder
every week. I will love and miss my
Verne. Rob shoulda been gone by now,
I like how Pepa told it like it is,
I also like Ron and Traci, they provide
comic relief.

[celestine]

how come verne is single and traci is eneaged? why traci wanted to sleep with him? oi! i always missed this

[Leslie]

Could Rob go through one episode without throwing a tempertantrum? That guy needs to go to anger management

[kelly t]

pep is so cool, but rob is such a big baby and if i were on the show i would have to kick his ass! STOP FREAKING CRYING "VANILLA ICE ICE BABY"

[Joseph]

traci fit right in the with the hookers earlier in the season, show turned into ONE BIG JOKE...........the best LOST and the WORST won bottom line

[angel heart]

what up with traci's hair? why is her part always
half way down her head? Rob, is still angrey because
sugnight kicked his ass but good. Rob VanAsshole should
go home and stay out of sight. from now on everyone will
laugh at him. if feel bad for ron because if things were turned the other way. Vanillia Ass would have stabbed him
in the _ _ _ K. Thank god Andrea was Kicked off maybe she is
going to give up showbiz and do us a favor.

[Rachel Ferrell]

Pepa, I just wanted to let you know that you did great on the commercial. Those people were assholes. Nobody gives a damn about what they think anyway. I am not gay but I thought you were beautiful. They are just haters. GO GIRL!

From a 27 year old white woman who has liked you since I was 13. You represent right girl. Love ya.

[RELPH]

The whole thing was fixed what bunch of BS!

[Heather Koschalk]

Ok one Rob was singled out to being a cheater by Pepa because she told Ron "it was your question so it had nothing to do with you." Then she didn't say anything about Ron leaning over and telling Rob the answer. So naturally Rob would shake his head a little and he wasn't signaling to anybody because he wasn't even looking at anyone. If Traci or Verne looked at him then it's on them. Plus Pepa should have said that Ron shouldn't have told Rob the answer. No! She just went off on Rob and all you people feel sorry for Verne but he really wanted to leave the house because there's to much drama in the house.

[K-Go]

Someone needs to put Ice Ice baby in some anger management classes or a padded cell!! He reminds me of a spoiled rotten child that throws tantrums every time he doesn't get his way....grow up already mo fo, the world doesn't owe you anything!! It's pretty sad when I am feeling sorry for Ron Jeremy because Ice won't be his friend anymore! I love Kathy Griffin, but that was a pretty lame final contest. Between that and the Kennedy debocile, they needed some better structured games with clear winners. Even though it was a train wreck, you didn't see me changing the channel!!!

[angryatrob]

for me i will like pepa or traci to win because ron is a bul a s*** and rob is a big baby that always gets mad of all, but in the begining their is this image and if u look it closely it look like rob and the picture is just when they say "the winer wins the 100,000 dolar grand price" so for me unfortunely rob will win in my opinion :ª(

[Marie]

Ahhh I loved Verne. He always told it like it was and I appreciated his low sh*t tolerance. I could relate to his facial expressions when all the house Diva's would start to blow up...there would be Verne...head in hands. I could just relate completely to this man! Sorry to see him go. China was another fav so now...I see no reason to watch the last show other than to find out what starts Rob VanPscyho's last hairy fit of anger. I miss Verne already...and still missing China! She was a hoot!