The losers of this week's competition have to join Verne and Chyna Doll on the B-list...
How is that punishment? She looks like so much fun!
This week, we begin in the B-list. We know it's the B-list because of the lack of proper mixers.
Ugh, vodka and (what appears to be)
Mountain Dew? Perhaps Verne is lucky that he didn't have to recycle his own urine to accompany the vodka. Although, that wine glass looks awfully suspicious.
We find out that Brigitte elected to spend her night in the B-list section, as well, to be near Chyna.
Brigitte explains that to her, Chyna is a star. She does not add that to her, Chyna is a hot piece of ass, but that's implied.
Then Verne and Manny play pool without cues. It is strange, remedial and, given the participants, oddly touching.
Then the entire house is rounded up and told that they're to go on an outing. During this, Ron is wearing this T-shirt:
Do you think he supports PETA because of the organization's continued commitment to the protection of furry creatures? In other words, he hearts PETA, but PETA hearts him more.
Anyway, the A-listers (that's everyone besides Chyna Doll and Verne) are told that they get to attend a Vegas show (Follies Bergere), while Verne and Chyna stay home. Chyna and Verne have had words in the past (remember during Surreal Life 4 when she tried to steal his room, which was clearly designed for a little person?), so this does not bode well. But it ends up working out...
...probably because Verne never reveals what he used to mix Chyna's drink.
Soon, Verne and Chyna discover that they'll have some entertainment of their own for the evening (as though each other's company isn't sufficient!):
Despite Marshmallow's interest in putting her mouth on and otherwise playing with long, cylindrical, latex tubes, she gets all bent out of shape when Verne asks her if she's going to get naked. And really: nudity is about the only thing that would make most clowns worth looking at (in an OMG-she-just-got-that-much-scarier kind of way). Marshmallow squeaks out, leaving Verne and Chyna with their balloon-based wardrobe she fashioned for them.
Verne and Chyna get notice that they'll join the rest of the cast. They meet up with everyone after Follies is over, at a restaurant. There, Rob decides to hop on Verne's scooter, which is apparently built for two.
That looks like the beginning of a Jackass-inspired stunt or fetish porn. And really: same thing, come to think of it.
With undoubted childlike awe (and, most likely, childlike jealousy), Traci decides that riding on Verne's scooter is something she must experience for herself. So she and Verne, who's a fan of Traci's "breasteses," cruise through the parking lot. For some reason (because it's time to go...back to the B-list room?), Chyna gets bent out of shape about this.
In the B-list car, she chastises Verne for the joyride, telling him she's ready to go "midget bowling." Verne corrects her (as he must have done in the past), saying that "midget" isn't the proper term. She promptly calls him "midget" again and tells him to get over it. Wow. What a jerk. Why not apologize and end it? Perhaps because Chyna believes, as she relays in a post-fight interview...
"I had called him a midget out of ignorance, 'cause ignorance is OK, if you don't know." Oh, so her branding of Verne as a "midget" wasn't a fully researched dissertation, but an off-the-cuff sign of ignorance? Get out! Also, "ignorance is OK?" That's a terrific message to send the kids. Ignorance for all! That way you can call everyone whatever colorful name you'd like and suffer no consequences. "Ooops! Well, ignorance will be ignorance! Oh well!" It's like indigestion, but there's no equivalent of Tums to cure it. And really, who wants to eat chalky crap, anyway?
Rob ends up comforting Verne in the situation, invoking the wise words of wise man Erik Estrada: "Wipe your ass with that." Rob's telling Verne to wipe his ass with "midget?" How is that not derogatory, too?
ANYWAY, then Chyna and Brigitte stay up late and play a game that must be called Who Wants To Be a Molester?
The next day, the Lifers are given their challenge for the week: in groups of two, they must record 30-second videos on a camcorder a la fame-boosting celebrity sex tapes. The duo that can come up with the most scandalous video concept wins. Please, everybody: no creepy night-vision sex and no use of the word "bastard" as a term of endearment.
The teams are as follows:
Manny and Brigitte
Andrea and Rob
Pepa and Ron
Traci and C.C.
Since they are B-list, Chyna and Verne do not get to make their own video. They are, however, available for use in others' videos, per the challenge rules. God, is the "B-list" a euphemism for "white slavery?"
Since the teams have 60 minutes to make their videos, scrambling ensues. The best thing to come out of the hustle is this:
Brigitte asks Manny, "Can you swim," but before he can even answer, this happens:
The sadistic/dominatrix thing really, really suits Brigitte.
So that was awesome, and so was this:
Unfortunately, neither image ends up making it to the respective groups' final video.
The groups finish and then it's time to screen these masterpieces. On board to help judge are:
He owns a bunch of porn shops in Nevada.
She starred in Wild Party Girls. No word on how big of a stretch that role was or what it required. Again: some thing, come to think of it.
She's an avid bingo player and a grandmother.
The first video to exhibit is CC and Traci's. In their 30 seconds, Traci bounces her breasts and calls for CC...
...CC then surfaces, wearing nothing but a guitar...
Have you ever been happier to see a guitar in your life?
Bingo lady comments that naked men are disgusting. But if said nudity results in grandchildren eventually, it's all worth it, right?
The second video is Pepa and Ron's. The first half features Pepa plotting with Chyna to kill Ron. They seem...close. Then we get this shot:
The video is cut off seconds later (four, to be exact). Ron complains that the whole second half, featuring a lesbian scene between Pep and Chyna, has been lopped off. Robin explains that their video went over. This isn't fair, blahblahblah. Bingo lady still points out that the video promotes "gaiety among women." Damn women and their happiness! Seriously, the lady means "gayness" or "homosexuality." Perhaps Ron and Pep should have chose to promote vocabulary, instead.
Andrea and Rob's video is a riot. It features Andrea giving birth to a number of objects, while Rob delivers all of them...
These objects include a rubber duckie, a baby doll and...
...Verne. Predictable, perhaps, but the snorkel really makes it work.
Finally, Brigitte and Manny's video features footage from the last video, just from a different, stolen perspective...
This really is the most scandalous one, because it's pretty much cheating and it looks illicit. It's actually very clever on Manny's part, but he gets, like, no credit for it. Instead, Bingo lady says that a child like Manny shouldn't be partaking in such a filthy video. When she's corrected she explains that he looks like a child. Ignorance is OK if you don't know!
Anyway, Rob and Andrea win...
...and they're forced to choose who has to play Back to Reality this week. The potential hatred of your housemates is a prize? Anyway, Rob and Andrea wisely skirt the terrible decision-making process by selecting names randomly from a hat. In the end, Brigitte, Traci and Manny must play. The winner stays on the A-list, the two losers go to the B-list.
This week's Back to Reality game is...
Next time can they puh-lease play What's Under Inga's Dress? Please?
...which means Brigitte and Traci are headed to the B-list.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, which is to say that Verne and Chyna are probably both wearing eye patches right about now. Argh! New booty!
Want more? Check out Surreal Life's sexy episode 2 extras only on VSPOT!
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