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January 17, 2007
I Love New York Recap - Episode 2 - Mangeant queens


Do not read this post if you hate nearly nude men.




Before we get to anything, a question: Which is hotter?


Morning scrawn or...


...smoking brawn?

No, no -- don't answer, because no matter what your preference is, it's about to get a lot hotter in the I Love New York universe. At the top of the episode, our commander-in-grief (New York, duh!) announces that the men will compete in a beauty pageant and they'll be helped by these three:


Primping ensues. Remember when Sister Patterson detected a touch of gay in some of the contestants during last week's episode? Yeah, well this is like a cold cock of the stuff.

There's waxing...




...thigh blush...


...and lip stain.


The line between mangeant Video_icon and drag show is practically nonexistent. Go figure.

Oh, and also, Mr. Boston can't fit into the first thong he tries on because, "someone with a huge d*** must have worn it before and totally stretched it out." Just in case you were wondering about what Mr. Boston isn't packing.

Oh, also there's this, which isn't exactly gay...it's sort of enough to rob you of sexuality from here to eternity.


Think of that when you're getting busy later...if you dare.

Anyway, the mangeant starts with a round dubbed "Bathing Suit & Boogie." During it, the men wear zoot suits and read Proust aloud. Just kidding. Someone misplaced the Proust, so they strip and dance instead.



New York's eyes bug out so as to be closer to Onix, despite the fact that he's doing the robot. Malfunction! Malfunction! Lameness overload!


New York criticizes Trendz's skin tone, which would be kind of messed up if it weren't for the fact that the way she does this is by comparing him to a Twizzler, which is kind of brilliant.


Is 12 Pack light in the loafers? Perhaps. Light in the briefs? Most certainly.






It's important to note that Romance does a dance that simulates the riding of some animal.


That imaginary animal is most likely a teacup yorkie.


Sister Patterson calls out Pootie for his "big" and "floppy" butt.


That's a bad thing? Wait, what?


Token refuses to take his shirt off, despite what appears to be a perfectly slender physique. This move costs him a spot in the final 5, but really, the loss is ours.


T-Weed totally gets Sister Patterson's motor going...


...until she focuses on his crotch.


Sister P complains of his "green, mossy area" around his thighs. Um, yeah, whatever, size queen.


In a post-mangeant interview, Bonez says of his wet-and-wild show, "Sexiness comes with personality, creativity, and throwing water on yourself." Well, that philosophy certainly helped Jennifer Beals get to where she is today! Just think, one day Bonez, too, may play a lesbian on a buzzed-about cable hit.


Whiteboy does that lift-your-leg-and-rotate thing (imagine a peeing dog imitating a sprinkler).

And then there is Mr. Boston.


New York sums this one up nicely: "He was flat-assed." Because of this, she admires his courage to put himself out there (well, as much as could be put out, with that flat ass and all). In other words, Mr. Boston has big balls and that's to say nothing of his testicles.

In the end, five men are chosen to advance to the question and answer period:


That's Whiteboy, Onix, Romance, 12 Pack and Real.

Real gets the first question. Sister Patterson asks him how he feels about premarital sex and he says that God says it's wrong, so it's wrong. Hey Real, what's God's stance on reality-TV participation? This, of course, impresses Sister P, but not New York...


...this woman looks like she could redefine the very concept of a "New York minute." Do you really think she's going to wait for marriage?

Whiteboy is asked which celeb's life he'd like to have, and he says Michael Jordan's. This is impressive to New York, because MJ is black. Seriously! Onix screws up when he answers Chamo's question, "If I were a racecar, how would you drive me?" Onix says all kinds of euphemistically sexual stuff (he'd drive Chamo long and hard and blahblahblah).


New York takes issue with this, saying she wanted Onix to say that he wouldn't touch Chamo. New York seems less disappointed in Onix's now apparently questionable sexuality and more disappointed in his now apparently questionable taste.

Romance reveals that his biggest disappointment is his mom's tough life. New York is sick of Romance's sob stories. Girlfriend just wants to have fun!

12 Pack says his biggest inspiration is his dad. What'd you expect, Kevyn Aucoin?


Seriously, 12 Pack's make-up scheme is a smear of rouge away from whore.

In the end, Whiteboy wins for aspiring to be a black man (12 Pack and Onix are the first and second runners up, respectively).


Which works out, since that crown is clearly borrowed from Flav.

Then we see Trendz showing people his demo.


OMG! Please, please say that it contains a song that goes, "Think of all the lives you save, just think of all the lives you sa-a-a-a-ve. There's a reason she passed..." Krazy lives! Anyway, remember this as it will become a key plot point. Opportunism in the ILNY universe: imagine that!

Then New York introduces everyone to her dog, Your Majesty, which is an awesome, awesome name for an animal.

Guess who falls in love?


Romance is so at one with the fauna (and probably, flora) that he's practically Nell. A bit less articulate, though. He loves Your Majesty so hard that he prompts the always quotable Chance to heckle him with, "Hey, man! Stop rapin' that hound!" Beastiality! That's something we haven't seen on Celebreality yet.

Rico feels slighted after his poor showing in the mangeant, so he wants to hop in the hot tub with New York. She's so cool with the idea, she takes him up to her room so he can watch her change.


Her sexual freedom is seriously inspiring.

So, they tub...


...but their rendezvous is cut short by Pootie, who comes to inform New York of Trendz's demo. All you want is a little action and every time there's an opportunist! Poor Rico. Pootie should have been called Beaver, because he will destroy your wood. Trendz is called over and New York gives him a stern talking to about his reasons for being there.

After the tub, New York addresses the group because she's "gotta keep it real. I'm keepin' it funky right now." Too bad we can't smell what she's offering. Odorama is yet another motif as yet untapped by Celebreality. If only it'd been in use when Somethin' made herself a household name on Flavor of Love 2. Anyway, New York basically warns the men that they'd better be there for her and not to further their careers (God knows, we wouldn't want one of them to get a spin-off...or, actually, does God know that? Huh, Real?). New York cries to hit her point home. Here she is emphasizing the contestants' opportunity to be there for a basket case. So appealing!


She mentions Flav passing her up twice, again. But the best thing in her entire Pettysberg Address is when Pootie comes over to take her still-lit cigarette away from her. Why did he do that? For camera time? It's absurd. Besides, she needs it now more than ever (for emphasis, naturally).

The next day Chamo brings the boys a message from New York. Chamo is dressed like a T.G.I. Fridays waiter.


The "G" is for "gay."

The message informs the three highest-placing mangeant contestants -- Whiteboy, 12 Pack and Onix -- that they'll spend the day with New York. If they're lucky, they'll get to not just hold her cigarettes, but light them as well.

Before they can all go on their orgiastic outing, Romance pulls New York aside to tell her that 12 Pack told him that he as a girlfriend. That sentence should reflect the twisty-turny-seventh-gradedness of the situation. Seriously -- did you think maybe I Love New York wouldn't fly because guys won't go to the extremes of pettiness and ridiculousness as the girls of Flavor of Love did? If so, have you ever felt so wrong in your life? Anyway, New York says she'll check Romance's news out. It's important to note that New York is not wearing make-up during this exchange and that, as usual, New York sans makeup is about 666 times cuter than New York in full face.


Oh, also Romance makes some weird reference to crying with New York the night before, when she brought Your Majesty out to meet everyone. He is incorrect, but New York just plays dumb. "I was so wasted last night," is her brilliant excuse. It's a perennial favorite.

Then, the date, which is at some amusement park/pier thing.


New York takes Whiteboy on a ferris wheel -- since he won the mangeant, he gets one-on-one time.


New York shovels food into her mouth, which is sort of a test to see if Whiteboy can put up with a woman who eats. He can. "Celery, yeah. Very good for you," he tells New York at one point. Encouraging and nutritionally knowledgeable? Swoon!

Then New York confronts 12 Pack on Romance's allegation that he has a girlfriend.


Uh, doesn't this count as one-on-one time, too? Talk about rewarding bad behavior! Anyway, 12 Pack denies everything. He's a free man for New York, he claims.

Back at home, the dispute continues.


Nothing is resolved. Are you shocked? Oh, but awesomely, after going back and forth, and threatening to hurt each other, Romance kind of punks out and offers to shake 12 Pack's hand.


12 Pack spits at him, thus proving his level of class is just perfect for the mansion. Guess who isn't going home this week.

Before elimination, New York meets with just a few more guys to make sure she's sending the right ones home. One of these guys is the rarely seen eye candy that is Token.


New York asks Token if he's attracted to her, and he says that he's attracted to everyone. Hallelujah!

In the end, Token's seeming omnisexuality is not enough to keep him in. He's one of the three to get tossed this week...




Token didn't want New York enough, Trendz was just there to further his career and Romance is deemed too crazy. Crazy in love! On the way out, she tells Romance Video_icon that he needs Prozac. Nice, now she's a drug expert. Makes sense. But best of all, she sends the boys on their way with a grand gesture:


Some have a native tongue -- New York has a native butt. Seriously, she's a master of booty language.


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That woman what can I say. Childish, I mean who shows people their ass on national t.v. No home training. Grow up. I must admit the show is entertaining. Come on though, CHANCE, is soooooooooooooooo cute. He makes the show. Mr. Boston got 2 go. Oh yeah Bones is a cutie 2.

special K

I would've kept chase. I think Boston is corny yet amazing is some strange way. T-Weed is sooo out of the closet. I can't believe N.Y. didn't kick him out of the house on the first day. He knows he's not interested in NY. As far as NY is concerned, I am going to support her efforts because this has to be the 1st time a black chick has ever gotten her own show, as a spin-off, from another reality show. I am proud of New York, regardless of how she portrays herself to be.


Check out this link.
King Mag is hilar!

trick please

Thanks Rich for this ish. I know it's probably setting black women back some years but in the end NY represents herself not me.

Romance is gay (ain't nuthin wrong with that but for the purposes of this show, is relevant). and cah-razy to boot. What straight man has a teacup yorkie...named Princess?

Loved your choice of 666 as the index of marked improvement. She does look a little bit like Lamb-chop in all that eye makeup. Besides Chamo, who else is an actor hired to do this show, do you know?


I don't think Romance is gay, I think he is mentally unstable, sheltered, and gets no pu$$y... Although I wouldn't be suprised if he was gay.


New York do you really think that that shit is cool to be kissing all thoose men what if one doesn't want to kiss you are you gonna send him home??
well got to roll peace,


This is what I call entertainment!!! Whiteboy is that thang, i can't wait to see him go off on somebody, he's the only real one. Chance is a joke.
But I would like to see a little more Rico. He might be alright.


I absolutely LOVED this post! I wish I could watch ILNY with you right next to me... I didn't think anyone else noticed Pootie taking away New York's cigarette during her meltdown. I think I might enjoy ILNW more than both Flavor of Loves, if thats possible... is there a better combo than NY and her momma? I don't think so...


Laughing from beginning to end of the post. It's hard to pick a favorite quote but I'll go with "It's important to note that Romance does a dance that simulates the riding of some animal." Oh, my damn. I'm still laughing today, 3 days later thinking about how hard Romance was ridin' the air.

He may be certifiably insane, but I don't think Romance's a liar. That fibber 12 Pack will get his soon enough.

Shaun, if you will

God, I am going to miss my Token eye-candy.


Personally, I think all these guys are a bunch of idiots and are too good for HER. Didn't they see the way she behaved on Flavor of Love, Season 1 & 2??? She has a horrible potty mouth, a temper that is very out of control and she's not even that cute and she wears WAY too much makeup. I think the bitch is nuts. I do admit that the show is kind of funny to watch. It's interesting to see how crazy she'll act in each episode. I feel sorry for any man that ends up with her.


i love her face in the last frame of the bootie exit loop. fantastic. classic. superb. you rock me, rich. to my very very core. :)


What the hell is going on. Flava Flav had fits to die for...his crib was off the chain. Now here we are with Ms. NY and her hair is tore the hell up. Her weaves are unkept. Champo is her stylist and assistant...Maybe he should assist her ass to a salon and get her hair done. Also, change your damn clothes girl...The same pink dress from the beginning of the day all through the night. Now I know damn well VH1 can do better than this.


This show is OFF THE HOOK- but NY girl I hope you didn't tape the whole show with that Hella sh...ty weave. Girl you can do better than that- I know you can.


I love New York. Please people dont hate on her you are watching her show right? You go girl with true love from a Capricorn and a New yorker. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hater Girl

I am soooo hatin right now. LOL! I want my own show too! Let's see what I have in common with her:
1. I look better without makeup
2. I love to show my ass (literally)
3. I just can't seem to get the right weave goin'
4. My mom is whacked out of her head. In fact I think she may have been a crack head at one point.
5. I am dilusional and insane on the membrane. In fact I think I may have been born a crack baby.
6. I had my heart broken by a skinny, short, ugly as sin weird little black dude.
7. I love to kiss guys. As many as I can in fact. Hell, my mouth probably has more bacteria than a sewer.
8. I looooove to get my groove on in the bed. I have had too many men to count. Heck, I even make strange dying noises while I'm doing it. You know, like NY did with Flav....

So, now I ask you, why can't I have a show too?!

Dang life is so unfair.


I knew Vh1 wasn't gonna let New York go that easy shit. I knew from the start that we would be seeing a lot of New York cause she's sumthin else. Yeah her weave and makeup and shit be jacked up but she's crazy. If not all of them , most of the dudes on her show are there for TV and shit trust me and not only that but If u watch the show u can tell. Has anybody seen New York when she was on Jimmy Kimmel? She did not need to get breast implants, I'm not feelin it, she doesn't look right, I think they really take away from the little bit of sex appeal she did have. and wassup wit Mr.Boston, is he serious and he reminds of a mini-me Donald Trump when he opens his mouth.

Adrian Edwards

The ratings could be alot better if i was added to the show. Trust me nobody cares for NY like i do. These guys are fake and she should be able to see right through them. OOH Well VH-1 when the 2 show airs give me holla. Aedwards@Mullinsfood.com

Chance Fan

I love Chance and White Boy- BUT I think that Flavor Flav is going to win the show. He is going to pop up before the end of the show!!! Delicious had too much going for her!!!!


I like the show.If u people don't like what or how she's doing things then stop watch'n the show.No she's not the best look'n person in the world but ur not GOD 2 decide on that.Stop hat'n.U go N.Y.From Kita CMD,N.J.

Special K

rico is for you new york



Corthell Williams





all she want is to get laid with that bad weave and yeah is your mom really a man cause she has a bad weave job and a big ass forehead?

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