You know, even though New York didn't win Flav's affection in the end, she still won something. She got one last chance to spaz out, and you know how much she loves doing that.
Basically, everybody wins...
...especially the viewers!
When we last left Flav and his final two girls, New York and Deelishis, New York's mother, Miss Michelle, had headed back into the FoL mansion to retrieve New York. She was perhaps being trailed by the funk of 40,000 years.
Miss Michelle's last-ditch effort to convince New York to leave Flav is essentially a five-minute reprise of the last (non-clips) episode. It's all in vain and would be totally pointless were it not for...
...a topless confrontation and...
...some weird down-and-dirty, crotch-based dancing from New York. That'd convince anyone to leave her alone!
Miss Michelle leaves with (in her words) egg on her face. Oh, so that's what that was! Before she goes, though, Flav calls her a "test-tube baby," which is awesome.
With Miss Michelle out of the way, Flav, Deelishis and New York are ready to take their final trip to Belize, where Flav will make his final decision on which of them is most suited to be his homie/lover/friend/whatever.
When they touch down in Belize, they're greeted by fans screaming for Flav and New York...
New York seems to be playing it cool in the picture, but she's frantically waving, blowing kisses and signing autographs inside!
The three of them all board an even smaller plane for Placencia, Belize. When they touch down there, Flav is presented a cane...
He loves it so much...
...that it ends up on the ground.
Since they're all gathered, Flav announces that he'll take Deelishis out first. New York, of course, loses it.
And she never gets it back, not even once she's checked into the hotel suite that she's to share with Deelishis.
She is a super-sleuth. Were it not for her perpetually visible thong, she'd make a great central character in a juvenile-fiction mystery series.
While she's spazzing over Deelishis getting to spend time with Flav, she says something truly wonderful:
"This is (beep!) (beep!). Excuse my language. No, (beep!) don't excuse it. This is (beep!) (beep!)." She's a staunch character. Just sayin'!
For maybe the first time in her life, New York has good reason to spaz out:
After making out in a sort of open-air harem for two, Deelishis and Flav share massages...
Later, during dinner, Flav runs down the reasons he's feeling Deelishis. He cites the way she feels when he kisses her, her sense of humor and the fact that she's "not ugly." He's so smooth!
Deelishis wonders if he'll choose between her and New York with his heart or if the selection will be influenced by what would make good TV. She implies that choosing New York would be going for good TV, but uh, hello? New York wailing when she doesn't get picked makes for perfectly fine TV. Plus, Deelishis is, by all rights, the good guy in this. If anything, convention suggests that she should win. Whatever.
After the date, back at Flav's hotel, Deelishis has what she refers to as a "wardrobe malfunction" -- the dress of her zipper jams, and she ultimately needs Flav to cut her out. Not really a wardrobe malfunction in the classic, Janet sense, but OK.
During the process, it turns out that she actually does have a classic wardrobe malfunction.
Deelishis is kind of psychic.
The next day, before going back to her suite, Deelishis makes fun of Flav's pajamas, which is pretty great.
Upon arriving home, Deelishis is faced with a thinly veiled version of New York's wrath. New York invites Deelishis to eat breakfast, but Deelishis initially declines, reasoning "Naw, man, 'cause you just tryin' to be evil and I ain't tryin' to go there with you."
New York's become that transparent, huh? After about five more seconds of persuading, Deelishis agrees to join her for breakfast. "I'm not your enemy, I'm your opponent," Deelishis tells New York at the top of their meal. Whoa. The FoL universe just collapsed upon itself. If someone made that point 10 episodes, we wouldn't have witnessed a tenth of the drama we did. That's verbal ruby slippers right there.
Level-headedness notwithstanding, in an interview, Deelishis says that if you looked up "drama" in the dictionary, New York would be there when you turned to the right page, looking like this:
And that seems about right...
Deelishis compares New York's flair for drama and all-out craziness to Whitney Houston. She says this as though it's a bad thing, as though a Being Bobby Brown-style reality show featuring New York and Flav would be unwelcome. Here is where the generally delightful Deelishis loses the support of over half of Flavor of Love's viewing audience (at least temporarily). New York is the voice of reason here, saying that she hopes she comes off like Whitney. "Kudos to Whitney! Great!" Pretty much!
The next day, Flav takes New York out on a boat. New York informs us that she's not good in water. Apparently, she's not good around water, either.
During the date, New York reveals her plan to call the shots, should Flav choose her.
Flav freaks out, compares New York to her mother and goes for a dip to clear his mind.
He forces New York to join him to hilarious results.
She's not good on horses. She's not good in the water. Is she good anywhere?
Eventually, Flav gets New York to relent, and state that he, not she, will be in charge of the relationship, whatever that even means. In an interview, New York reveals, "I love Flav and if he wants his control, by golly, I'll let him believe he has it." Gee whiz, the woman is crafty!
At dinner, they go back and forth some more in this hypothetical power struggle...
New York pleads her case, saying, "You know I'm a good catch. I can...say that." Yo, New York is straight weird. What does that even mean?
After dinner, New York undergoes this bizarre flight of fancy, where she decides that she can't stay with Flav for the night because he needs to appreciate her for more than her body. Well, it's a little too late for that, isn't it? And, in fact, it was a little too late for that this time last season, wasn't it? To top off this weird change of heart, New York flip-flops again back at her room and decides, in fact, that she will spend the night with Flav. Maybe it's an error in judgment. Maybe her synapses are suffering from chronic fatigue.
In the morning Flav says the night they spent together was "interesting." You get the feeling that he's never chosen words more precisely.
The day has arrived for Flav to choose between Deelishis and New York. The girls change into dresses Flav sent along for them and get their hair and make-up done. Though Deelishis later complains about her hair and makeup, has she ever looked more lovely?
Has New York ever looked more...dramatic?
The answer probably is yes. Although as they wait for Flav, she puts in a good bid for most dramatic expression ever:
Flav sends for the girls and as they listen to the preface of his decision, it begins to rain hard, which underscores the drama in a way that only the reality of nature could.
It all comes down to New York's behavior on their date -- Flav doesn't want a woman that will boss him around. He delicately tells New York that her time is up. Here are the immediate reactions:
New York doesn't keep her mouth shut for too long. In a convincing blow-up, she screams at Flav and accuses him of "s***ing on her" twice now. And, uh, that's kind of true.
She stalks off, cursing like a sailor who's fed up with water, and making gestures that aren't really appropriate to the situation or what she's saying.
And also with you...?
In the car, she says, "I'll piss on his grave, how's that?" Not sure, but here's how it isn't: classy. We see New York cry (something she didn't do when Flav passed her up during the first season).
She's young (...-acting), she'll get over it.
Back with Flav, Deelishis is completely demure. Her behavior does everything to suggest that Flav made the right choice.
Talk about classy!
We last see the couple embracing...
...with Flav paying special attention to her butt. Let's never forget that it's what's inside that counts, but having a well-developed butt doesn't hurt the matter.
How could they do anything but live happily ever after?
Check out the exclusive extras from the finale episode right here on VSPOT!
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