Every week, Ant tells us that the scales don't lie. What this ultimately means is that it's pretty hard to play dirty on Celebrity Fit Club. Unless...

Where there's a will, Celebreality finds a way.

Last week, Harvey challenged Angie to put her money where her mouth is and undergo a week's worth of training with him. And so, for this episode, we open with Harvey at the gym, waiting for Angie so that he can "sort her ass out."

You can tell he loves waiting, right? The ass-sorting process gets off to a late start, as Angie shows up about an hour and a half after she was supposed to. Oops. If she didn't hustle to get there, though, things change when she hits the treadmill.

What are the odds of getting a picture that contains not just Harvey smiling, but Angie running? All this shot needs is a leprechaun riding a unicorn to be complete.

We see a montage of Angie's fitness week...

It really seems as though she's turned things around and she's willing to make an effort. Her sunshine has come, and there's no more complaining in this cloud.

Harvey says he's impressed by Angie's performance. And when Harvey's impressed, it's probably in your best interest to be impressed.

We cut to panel and now it's time to see if Angie's hard work has paid off. Last week, Angie weighed in at 213. Her weight-loss target was 3 lbs. Angie hits the scale and...

She's gained a pound.

While before, Angie might have cursed the day that egg whites ever entered her life, she's pretty rational about the weight gain. She says she'll keep trying and apologizes for her previously difficult behavior. She adds that even though she didn't lose weight this week, she's gone down a few dress sizes (from 18 to 14). "The dress sizes don't lie," she says. First the scales, now the dress sizes. It's just a festival of honesty. What a novel concept for reality TV.

Angie's target for next time is 4 lbs.

We now jump to the Fit Camp Challenge, which is "a series of cowboy games" at Rancho Temescal in California. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, unfortunately, will not be this week's special guests.

But in related news...

Ant wore his hat.

Ant explains to the teams that their first challenge will require them to transport manure or, as he says, "horse poopie," from one side of the ranch to the other, first filling sacks and then transporting those sacks in wheelbarrows. The first team to move 300 lbs. of the nasty stuff wins. Carnie is thrilled.

The red team, Hot Buttered Soul (Angie Stone, Tina Yothers, Vinny Pastore and Ted Lange) prove to be kings of the crap mountain -- they win the event. The next one is what Harvey describes as a good, old mud crawl. Just like the ones grandma used to make you do! The CFCers are told that they'll need to get down in the mud and crawl across it on their knees and elbows. Everyone gets squeamish about this, but no one's reaction is more priceless than Angie's:

"I don't want that stuff down in my vagina." Isn't that a little presumptuous, Angie? Who said the mud was into you in the first place?

The races begin -- Carnie comes in first, Bone is second, Vinny is third and Angie is fourth. For the next one, the order goes: Ted, Erika, Tina and Nick. Having lost, Nick freaks out and says Ted didn't crawl properly.

But Ted thinks his form was fine, as there were no mandates to keep your butt down while in the race.

Besides, he says, he doesn't have a butt to keep down. "This show took my ass!" That was the idea, after all.

Witnessing the dispute, Harvey gets down in the mud and shows Ted and Nick how it's done.

And then he smears mud in Ted's face...

...because playing in the dirt is fun! Ted and Nick have a rematch, and though it's clear that Ted wins again...

Nick doesn't protest this time.

With all the scores combined, the Fat Crushers (Bone Crusher, Carnie Wilson, Erika Eleniak and Nick Turturro) emerge victorious in this challenge.

For winning, the Fat Crushers get to donate $2,000 to the First Chance Variety House Charity. But then, announces that Hot Buttered Soul will get to donate $2,000 to their charity, the Hollenbeck Youth Center. So that challenge was pointless! Never mind physical exertion, it's all about the showiest signs of philanthropy when you’re a celebrity. Doesn't everyone know that?

Back at panel, we find out that the celeb who loses the highest percent of body weight by the end of the competition will win a car. So far, Tina's in first place, having lost 16.5 percent, though Erika isn't far behind.

It's Tina's turn to face the panel. Last week, she weighed 164. Her target for this time was 2 lbs. And...

She's shed three more. Someone perch an apple in those fingers -- a healthy snack to reward her for such hard work.

Tina reveals that the last time she was at this dress size (an 8) was when she was 16 and on Family Ties. Jennifer Keaton is back in the house!

Tina can now fit back into her wedding dress (and look hot doing so).

When this is revealed, Dr. Linda, ever the sensualist, says, "It's really lovely seeing you there like that, because I think you never feel, I guess, more beautiful and sort of sexual than on that day." Really? Women never feel more sexual than on their wedding day? Is that true? Or is it that Dr. Linda thinks that white wedding dresses come in shades of cream, ivory and excited?

Tina's now 3 lbs. away from losing her CFC goal of 35 lbs. But she says she's in it for the long run and bumps the goal up to 50 lbs. She is a trooper. Her target for next time is 4 lbs.

Bone can't quite try on a wedding dress, but he's reaping the rewards of his diminished size, as well. He's now able to fit on roller coasters and we see him take his first ride in 13 years.

It's more touching than you'd probably suspect.

It's Bone's turn to face the panel. Last time, we was at 386 and his target for this time was 3 lbs. He steps on the scale, and...

He lost 5 lbs. He now hold the CFC record for most weight-loss in a season.

Not that he's going to rest on his laurels or anything -- his target for next time is 5 lbs.

Next up is Nick, who last time, weighed 160. His target loss for tonight is 2 lbs.

Nada.

Nick admits that his lack of loss might come from the fact that he cheated on his diet this week. He ate, among things, a Big Mac. Dr. Ian reasons that if you're going to cheat, you should cheat all the way. Everyone pile in -- this car's going through the drive through!

When asked how he feels about himself, Nick launches into a weird, I'm-OK-I'm-OK soliloquy that goes something like, "Sometimes you look at yourself, 'Yeah, I like you. I like you now. I like you better.' 'Yeah, all right. Good. You like me, I like you.'" And everyone loves someone who talks to themselves!

It's verbal shadowboxing. Nick's target for next time is 3 lbs.

Next up is Erika. Last time, Erika weighed 132. Her target for this time is 2 lbs.

Did it!

Erika is down a whopping 14.5 percent of her original body weight. Dr. Linda asks Erika when the last time she felt this kind of passion for something besides fitness. You know Linda wanted Erika to reply, "In bed." Instead, she just says that you get out of a situation what you put into it. Fair enough. Except, not always -- Erika does some major ass kicking with Ultimate Fighter Chuck Liddell...

...but her butt remains in tact. Sometimes you're too tough to get what you give.

Erika's target for next time is 4 lbs.

Now it's Ted's turn. Last time, Ted weighed 167. His target for this time was 2 lbs.

He's done it and then some. This actually brings him 1 lb. below his CFC goal.

Ted has accomplished his goal with time to spare! His goal for next time is just to maintain his weight. For hitting his target, he gets a standing ovation from his fellow CFCers...

Vinny hits the chopping block next. Last time, he was at 254 lbs. His target for this time is 3 lbs. He hits the scale, and...

Oops.

Vinny chalks the gain up to night eating -- Dr. Ian encourages him to have more frequent meals earlier in the day. His target for next time is 5 lbs.

Carnie's next. Last time, she weighed in at 173. Her target is 3 lbs.

She only dropped one.

She admits this process is a frustrating one for her. Just in case you don't get that, she clenches her fists to show how frustrated she is.

She talks about turning to food when she's faced with stress, which obviously isn't the right way to go. She also talks about gastric bypass saving her life. She might as well have ended that statement with, "Take that, Dr. Ian!"

Carnie completes this week's weigh-ins. Now it's time to check which team has lost the most weight...

Fat Crushers take it this week.

And the Fat Crushers continue to hold on to their lead. When Ant reminds us that the scales don't lie, it's a little disappointing that Angie doesn't pipe up with, "Dress sizes." A fight over which is more honest would have been a swell way to end this surprisingly drama-free episode. Oh well, there's always next time.

Check out road raging Carnie, Ted getting waxed and Harvey's outstanding performance of the week in this week's exclusives only on VSPOT!

Comments

[Crippy's Mom]

I think Tina and Erika are great -- and Nick is a psycho. For God's sake, picking a fight with Ted Lange, the most boring Celeb Fitter ever? Come on, dude! You need anger management way more than losing weight.

[buttaface]

LOVING your recaps! Carnie is such an attention whore. I can't wait to see her detonate.

[aubyn]

Is anybody else creeped out when they show Nick Turturro and his stats - is he in his underwear under that t-shirt?

[mla]

All this shot needs is a leprechaun riding a unicorn to be complete.
- HA HA HA HA! I love your recaps Rich. You could make waiting in line at the DMV entertaining.

[Shaina]

When a girl weds with her love one that day mean for her a lot and on that day she feels great and she want to wear a best wedding dress and she want that she feels great on that day because for a girl wedding day comes only one time in her life
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