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May 22, 2007
Celebrity Fit Club: Men Vs. Women Recap - Episode 5 - Tooling around

In this episode, Dustin's manhood makes Kimberley cry.

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...but it's not why you think. Probably.

This week's Fit Camp won't take place at a camp at all -- it's a indoor event, and with good reason:

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Ross is ecstatic.

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He is, after all, light in the loafers.

They'll be instructed by this guy:

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He's kind of a big deal. While the celebs fumble around on the dance floor, Enio says to Ross, "You need a fruit basket on your head to do the samba." Corroborating the light-in-the-loafers comment above, Ross replies, "Oh I have one!" Ross is awesome. Rossome, even.

And then, Mo steals away for some drinking.

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Oh yeah, loosen up on that Patron, Mo, so you can really get down on the floor. This is totally cheating.

And then, it is time for the competition. It'll be an old-school dance-off, in which the members will dance till they can't dance no more. The last duo standing wins it for his or her team. Also, this week, the teams will be playing for $12,000 in children's toys to donate to charity.

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The dancing begins and it's weird and sort of embarrassing but it mostly does the trick.

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They go for a while...

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...until, while drinking a bottle of water, Dustin stops to tell the camera that his clothes won't be stained by the water he dripped on them. Uh, good to know? For stopping, Ant ejects him and his partner, Tiffany. Dustin comes close to blowing up, threatening to bring down the entire competition by "bailing." "Bail" is such an AC Slater word, isn't it, little mommas? Dustin isn't alone in his outrage -- Tiffany's mad that they're out, too. Dustin yammers on, eventually disrupting the entire competition. The judges are then forced to choose a winner based on technique, not endurance. Apparently, Cledus and Kimberley cut the most impressive rug because they are named the winning team.

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Also apparent: dancing only seemed to foster their sexual tension. They're all over each other! Their victory means that the Regulators get to donate the gifts to their charity. Except, it means more than that because, since it's for kids, the Athletes will also get to donate $12,000 in gifts to their charity. Everyone wins! How oddly disappointing.

Then, the weigh-ins begin. Up first is Brat who has $300 riding on her weight loss. If she lost 8 lbs., she receives $100 from Ian, Ant and Harvey, per last week's bet.

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...and she did it! She happily collects the funds.

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She says she's going to buy jewelry. Just as long as it's not Ring Pops and candy neckaces, Brat. Ian asks Brat why he had to pay her to lose weight, and she says that he didn't -- it was just the bet. Haha, sucker! The whole thing teases a smile out of Harvey.

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A smile from Harvey is the Fit Club equivalent of Halley's Comet -- you see it, like, once every 75 years and it's kind of icy. Brat's target for next week is 2 lbs.

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Then, there is Tiffany:

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She's pissed. She admits that she hasn't been eating very much, and so, she thought that she would have lost some weight. Ian explains that when you don't eat, you're throwing your body into starvation mode, which is damaging to your metabolism. Tiffany resolves to eat, thank god. She also reiterates that she thinks Ant's ejection of Dustin from the dance competition was "bulls***." But she's not screaming now, so apparently she's over it. Tiffany's goal for next time is 4 lbs.

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And then, there is Cledus. Cledus, Ant reminds us, has gone through a variety of looks.

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He is the Madonna of the country-music parodist set. His look continues to update as he is now sporting that new hair he mentioned cryptically last week.

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Yet another $800 weave graces Celebreality.

Cledus weighs in.

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When this show is over, what will be left of Cledus? A pair of wacky glasses and some fake hair if he keeps shrinking at the rate that he is. Ian reminds Cledus to "embrace the food." He'll do that, but don't count on him to eat it. He says that he's eaten chicken and broccoli for the past 40 days straight. How...boring. Ian says they'll coordinate to have meals delivered so that he can get some variety in his diet. He's OK with that, probably because it means that he won't have to step foot into a grocery store. Cledus' target for next week is 1 lb.

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Maureen is up next:

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It's nice to see that she doesn't have a hangover. Mo has lost 18.6 percent of her starting body weight. She's also now below her original weight target of 125 lbs. No one in Fit Club history has lost weight this fast. But it's not all celebrating -- Stacy asks about Mo's drinking. Mo says she had just a little.

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Yeah, but it was a little at 11:30 in the morning! Plus, she looked kinda sauced. Whatever. Stacy asks if Mo's turned to alcohol to help her cope through recent, previously described hardship. Mo has. She should have just told Stacy that she needed some fuel for her engine. Dancing is so much more effective with alcohol! Anyway, since Mo is under her target weight, she gets to pick her target for next week. She chooses 1 lb.

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Warren's next.

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He thought he'd lose more as he's been working hard. Except for the night before when he ate three cookies. Oops. He says this is cheating, but Stacy says that this is being human. No it's not. It's being Muppet. Warren G is Cookie Monster. His target for next time is 2 lbs.

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Ross' turn for weigh-in is next.

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Ross has lost 15 percent of his body weight and is nipping at Mo's heels. Like Mo, he's now below his initial target. And he couldn't be more sassy/happy!

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He, too, gets to pick his own target for next time. He chooses 2 lbs.

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And then, it's time for Dustin to wreak his weekly havoc. We find out, via video of Mo complaining, that he had a donut at Fit Camp yesterday.

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A donut! Scandal!

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We see footage of Dustin complaining about his cast mates. "F*** 'em in the ass," he says at one point. Nice. Dustin brings up the fact that Mo cheated with vodka ("liquid calories") and Warren did with cookies and no one complained. This is hypocrisy, according to Dustin. Ant brings up the fact that they've lost more weight than he has. Touché.

Dustin is weighed in and...

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He's gained 5 lbs.! Ian is astounded while Kimberley...

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...is...

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...thrilled. She mouths, "I love this," to the camera. Throwing come com-petty all around the room!

Dustin explains that he was on tour and at Sundance since the last weigh-in and therefore could not monitor his diet since he's so important and producers were buying him steak-and-lobster dinners left and right. Also, this meant he couldn't meet with his trainer. Also, he doesn't like the final target of 184 that was set for him because if you take 20 lbs. of this...

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...it wouldn't look good. Or something. Try it and see, Dustin! Ian nerdily produces a chart to show Dustin just how wrong he is.

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Oh, Ian, don't waste your breath. Dustin doesn't deal in logic and reason. Oh, wait.

Ross says he's disappointed in Dustin because Dustin just didn't try. Dustin says that he did try, explaining that what he said before didn't mean that he didn't exercise at all or that he pigged out every night. Uh, actually, that's exactly what it meant. Brat says that Dustin sounds "f***ing retarded," and Dustin takes offense to her making fun of retarded people. Did he just call himself retarded?

He might as well have, for we then see footage of him at a porn convention, repping his "leaked" tape.

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Dustin explains what he's been explaining all season -- that the tape caused a rift in his relationship with his girlfriend of four years, Jennifer. This is because the tape was filmed four years ago, after he'd gotten together with Jennifer. But this was all remedied with a conversation, in which Dustin informed Jennifer that at first, she was just "road ass," at first. And their relationship blossomed from there. That is beautiful.

We see Dustin showing his penis off to a porn girl.

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She seems impressed, which in turn, should impress us. Has anyone seen his sex tape and if so, can you please describe his penis in the comments? We're curious, but, uh, not that curious. The porn-convention reel ends with Dustin saying that if he markets a dildo modeled after his own penis, he will give one to Kimberley. He then laughs at his own joke:

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He goes on to tell Stacy that he'll give her one, too. Special! Cledus leaves. And then Kimberley. And then , completing the rapid succession, Tiffany.

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Backstage, Kimberley tells someone on the phone that he told her he was going to give her a dildo of his penis and she doesn't like that. Well, a simple "No thank you" will suffice.

Back at panel, Dustin talks about how he's not a porn star and everyone points out that if he wasn't into being a porn star, he wouldn't have been at a convention, marketing his porn. Touché: the revenge. Dustin says that he isn't a porn star and asks if anyone even knows what that means. It's kind of true: one film doesn't make you a star. Just ask Toasteee. Ant then asks if he'll admit that he's a porn peddler and Dustin does. He's a pornographer! Dustin says that it's "retarded," which would seem to be the sort of hypocrisy that he regularly rages against. Ant points this out and Dustin says, "When retarded people fall, it's funny. It's f***ing hilarious." Be that as it may, Dustin's losing the arm-wrestling match to truth and logic.

Mo, Brat and Warren all leave. The only person that's left behind is Ross.

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The mere act of turning around causes Dustin to bring up Ant's call at yesterday's dance off. Dustin says that he challenged Ant to physical combat and then challenges Harvey, which sets off the blow-up that you've seen a million times by now. If not, go here and watch it a million times because it's awesome.

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Harvey actually has to be consoled afterward.

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And then...nothing.

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Somewhere in there, we hear that Dustin's target for next week is 3 lbs. If he lives that long!


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Comments
girl

dustin claimed on 'howard stern' that his member is 10 inches, but it's like 5 or 6 and thick.

ana

dustin played a lil punk on saved by the bell and it seems like he never got out of that role!!!

rockermom

I think Dustin was way out of line!!! He's just ticked off that he doesn't have a career in real acting anymore and he thinks his "porn" career is going to be enough to make him truly happy. He is so disgusted with his life that he has to turn on everyone who is trying to help him. I would pay to watch him and Harvey go "toe to toe" He needs to get his A** kicked!! This is the worst fit club yet. Dustin is taking all the camera time away from the ones that want and need to be there. Go home Dustin!! You don't want to lose weight and be healthy then just go home. Go back to your porn life.

LaSexorcisto

I have no sympathy for Kimberley. Screech is an a-hole but see how willing she is to carry on the petty bickering by gloating after Screech's weigh-in? Takes two to tango, sista.

It's soooooo obvious that Screech is just doing this whole bit for camera time. He's so pathetic but he has managed to get under everybody's skin so maybe there's a method to his douchebaggery.

Ty

Dustin's a punk and a coward. He was threatening Cledus with legal action because Cledus "wanted to whup his a**", but here he is challenging Ant to physical combat because of Ant's call. I kinda wish that Harvey would've stepped into Dustin like an old pair of combat boots.

And Kimberly's playing right into Screech's hands, giving him exactly what he wants when he pushes her buttons. Notice that the psychiatrist didn't even blink when Dustin said that he wanted to give her one of his "Li'l Screechies."

Tanya

I hate Dustin. I wish Harvey would kick his fat a**!!!!!!!

Bachleret4life

There's a reason why Duston singles Kimberley out and it's because he secretly has a crush on her. Either that or he knows that she's weakest one emotionally, which makes it easier to get under her skin.

Jo

Dustin is a a**hole, he is lost in his little Screech-World. He dishes out so much sh** but can't take it when the table is turned. He has some serious psychological issues; he is always playing the victim. I wish Harvey have crushed has a** like an 'ant'!

He has a dumb Bullsh** story for everything that anyone says to him after he put all of his personal business on the floor...then he can't take the comments. He is a POOR excuse for a man, desperate for TV time to sell is sorry homemade porn and t-shirts to pay his house note. Furthermore, any man that has to brag about his own 'member' ain't got shi**...you don't hear his porn stars braggin' 'bout him!!!

dedwmf

I think Dustin is a walking contradiction. The way he wants to be treated is the exact opposite of how he treats other people on the show. I think he easily gets intimidated by other people who challenge him. So obviously he reacts by attacking a person. He shouldnt be on Celebrity Fit Club, he should be on Dr.Phil to get therapy!

Alex

This season of CFC has proven to all that Dustin should have never been invited to come to it. Besides being a uncaring individual, to actually put up a challenge to both Ant and Harvey to fight is asking for a burial plot 6 feet under. After the situation last week, the CFC'ers should have voted him off the show, period.

Becky

I used to love Dustin on Saved By The Bell. I loved all the actors on that show. and for the most part, I still love them all..... except Dustin.


He's such an inconsiderate prick. It's like the only thing he is on there for is to boost his career, and to promote his sex tape.

He sickens me.

Get Real

Get real! This is all for publicity! The show is getting ratings like never before. And for all you who were not watching the REAL HARVEY came out. He is prejudice against fat people and has a potty mouth. I wish someone would slam him back to reality and let him know he is not the toughest man on earth. All he had to say get lost and leave at that! Instead he called him fat and showed his true colors. Need a new judge! Screech tone it down a little and it will be ok. Cledis, no need to say more on that! Kimberly is a back stabbing person that would stab all your blog people in the back. Have fun with the show and lets just see what happens! Its entertainment and thats the industry they are in!

Nicole

Dustin needs to be kicked off the show. It is quite obvious that he is there for all the wrong reasons. He has brought down the moral of everyone on the show even the judges. Now, if he truely thinks that he can go up against Harvey he must using his own product on himself. I wish that Kim can see that this character is just mad at himself and taking it out on anybody that will care to indulge in his own hate towards himself. Dont let this chump bring you guys down and fight for why you are really there. This is all about making yourselves Healthier. You know what Dustin reminds me of. He reminds me of that bully in school that talked about everyone but what needs to happened is everyone ought to gang up on him and talk about him to his face unlike the coward that he is talking about everyone behind you guys back. Good Luck and Keep your heads up. Remember you are there for YOU and the future of your lives and the lives of all of your loved ones. God Bless each and everyone of you.

Jerk Repellant

The two women that Dustin was with in the video are prostitutes, not groupies who were dying for a little screech in their pants. Dustin doesn't realize that it isn't 1991 anymore, Saved By The Bell is all he'll be known for forever, and the comedy routine that he does on the road sucks has-been t.v. nerd @$$. If he has any decency he'll get a vasectomy and spare the world from his ignorant spawn.

Grandma

Screech is sub-human. He reminds me of those "good ole boys" who beat up smaller kids just for the fun of it. Why he's allowed to continue the barrage of filth and degration is hard to understand. Does VH-1 need the ratings that bad to keep someone like him in the spotlight? He's getting exactly what he wants, publicity. If he said those things on prime time TV, he'd be booted out in a heartbeat. He needs to go back to the world of porn and not mingle with the rest of the normal humans.

kathy

Dustin is nothing but a spoiled brat! Or at least he was aacting like one. I am so glad that I did not buy a t-shirt off of him in order to save his house!! I hope he lost it and has to live on the streets!!

Daveat23

Doesn't anybody else think that Dustin may be bipolar?

Jeannie

I've never seen "Saved By The Bell" so consequently never heard of this Dustin person. He seems desperate to revive a semblance of any type of showbiz career. Bottom line is that he's adding a**hole to loser on his resume. Wouldn't hire him to clean my pool for fear he would deliberately drown himself just for the 15 minutes of fame....
As far as Kimberly, I like her but she needs to curb her on air gloating which only serves to detract any empathy one feels after a Screech onslaught.

Betty

Ok,
Just watched episode and let me say this DUSTIN IS NOT THE CAUSE OF EVERYONES PERSONEL PROBLEMS. Secondly, Don't you think they they ragged on him so much to get ratings. Harvery is an idiot and Dustin lay him out for what he said. This will be the last year I watch this show. Don't be so gaullable people!

J

I am so sick and tired of Dustin. First he talks crap and then back peddles. He just gets on my nerves its all from ratings but just let him leave he is not there to loose weight he is there for plablicity. I enjoy everyone else on the show especially Brat and Sexy Warren G.

Lawoman76

I think the poster, "Becky" is probably Dustin's girlfriend--come off of that ridiculous idea that Harvey is prejudice against fat people--that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard! Anyways, enuf of that drivel...I can't stand Dustin!!! And what sucks is this pathetic loser prolly eats up all this attention-despite the fact that it's primarily negative. He's an annoying, dumb, loserly attention starved dork! He is ridiculous, and he's not fooling anybody!!!! He's not the macho, alpha male he likes to portray, but instead he's a frightened, childish, insecure, psychologically challenged baby (inside a man's body)!! In my opinion...Harvey responded naturally as a person of his type (drill sargeant)
to Dustin's (presumably idol) threats towards Ant, and himself. Ya know, Harvey just called a spade a spade in that incident--SO DUSTIN, IF YA CAN'T HANDLE IT--DON'T DISH IT OUT!!!!

Oh, and also--when Cledus said he was going to whoop Dustin's a$$..lame-o Dustin retorts something like this, "You threaten me on national television, you'll get rammed up the a$$, and get sent to Federal prison.." LOL--what a frigan idiot~NOONE gets sent to a Federal penitentiary for a punch in the face!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO!! Dustin is ridiculous! He is at the HEIGHT of pathetic...enuf said!!

Angie24

No matter how much drama or TV air time Dustin gets, he still has to live with the fact that he played Screech..a pathetic looser character, and even now as an adult he still is that looser character in real life. Maybe he might have success in something but he will not get away from being Screech

T

Dustin makes this show interesting and fun to watch. Sorry all you Dustin haters, but DUSTIN ROCKS!!!!!

Randy

I think Justin should see Dr. Phil maybe he could put some sense into his head and smarten him up and I mean serious!!!!!!!!!!

Superstar

Dustin is a total jerk. and KIMBERLEY, BRAT, CLEDUS, AND WARREN G ARE GONNA WIN ON THE FINALE EPISODE. cuz they're da best. Ross is cool too :)

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