Pop music isn't all fun and games.

In fact, sometimes it's no fun at all.

We open with burgeoning pop star Brooke hitting bongos and playing piano and acting plain weird in the studio.

She then enters the booth and squeezes out some notes imprecisely. She doesn't sound like she's in top form. Mega-producer Scott Storch is not pleased, nor is one Pooh Bear, Brooke's writer and co-producer. Pooh asks Brooke if she's been practicing and she unconvincingly says she has. She chalks up today's poor performance on a lack of rest. Pooh says it's time to start a stricter vocal-exercise program that will require Brooke not to even speak on some days. To Pooh Bear's proposal, Brooke's all...

..."Oh bother!"

At home, Terry informs Linda that Scott Storch (referred to by Terry as just "Storch") called.

Storch reported Brooke's subpar performance to Terry. Tattle tale!

Terry then confronts Brooke, telling her to step her game up for, "We're not in a position to have anybody disappointed in our performance." First of all: who is? Second of all: wait, what?

Anyway, the scolding saddens Brooke:

Brooke's determined to, in her father's words, step her game up. She says she has to keep going because she doesn't want to let herself down, but mostly she doesn't want to let everyone else down. Somehow her priorities are not surprising.

So she begins to walk around the house, listening to her iPod and singing along. Well, singing and, uh, other stuff. Not sure what you call that. Neither is Nick.

Brooke goes to the gym and then practices at her piano at home. She takes a break and seemingly two seconds later, Terry comes in to tell her to keep practicing, that she should be doing so for three hours a day. Brooke explains that she was just practicing for two and a half. She then sort of melts down. It was bound to happen some time!

But everything's going to be OK because she's a Hogan.

In the next scene, Nick talks to Brooke and gets only a whisper in response. She isn't talking, just like the Pooh Bear ordered.

This is what the bigs like Mariah Carey call being on "vocal rest." Oooh, Brooke: please flail around interpretively as means of communication! Please? Or at least, make yourself index cards with adorable little expressions like, "Oh dear" and "Hot tamale."

Anyway, Nick gets all up in her face and screams in response to her whispers.

Apparently, she's on hearing rest, too. Which: fair enough.

Brooke reenters the studio and does a much better job this time. She nails the vocal. See? Practice makes pop star. Storch is so impressed that he says the song she just cut may end up being the next single. Brooke relays the good news and then does what might be the weirdest thing that ever happened on this show.

Get ready for it...

...She removes her rubbery, chicken-cutlet-esque breast padding, which apparently she was wearing not for the cameras (for why would she remove them while filming?), but for...her family? Something. Anyway, she dangles them above her head...

...and then pretends that one's a muscle on Terry's arm...

A justifiably skeeved-out Terry flees, while Linda grabs one of them, and puts it on her head, saying it's a yarmulke.

 

Ah, cultural fun. Who needs museums when you have the Hogans around?

Then, Brooke's manager, Cecile Barker pays a visit to the Hogan Museum to talk about the direction of Brooke's career.

Cecile basically says that Brooke should put forth a sexy image, which Terry, of course, isn't comfortable with. Terry comes around slightly, agreeing that in photos, Brooke's "bathing suits should be sexy, but no weird stuff going on." Wait. Weird like Lil' Kim or weird like Tim Burton? Anyway, Terry's finally convinced that a slightly sexy direction is the way to go (but as a parent, he says it still feels "really really wrong"), and so we cut to a scene in which Brooke prepares for her album-cover and promotional photo shoots. She'll need a guy to pose with, as per the vision for this shoot, and so some boys are brought in.

"I feel like I just died and went to heaven!" exclaims Brooke in the presence of these shirtless dudes. Did she just transform into a 45-year-old housewife at a Chippendales show in the '80s or what? It's raining men, Brooke. Stick out your tongue!

The boys leave the room and so begin deliberations on which she'll pose with. Brooke has her favorite...

...and that's as close to touching a guy as she'll get till she's...well, 45, if Terry has any say.

She picks this one:

He's definitely the cutest but, you know, scrawny.

We then see Brooke posing in all sorts of interesting outfits at her shoot.

Terry freaks out all the while.

"I didn't like that model. Skinny," he says on the guy Brooke chose to pose with. Ha! Terry digs beefy dudes. Great taste, that one.

A few weeks later, it's time to see the product of the shoot. The Hogans make a trip to Cecile's house, and he unveils what will be the cover to Brooke's album, on a poster...

Cecile calls it "avant garde." Uh, really?

Anyway, the shots look good and everyone would seem to be happy. Well, almost everyone.

Linda cries outloud, saying that she's so proud of Brooke. Terry, meanwhile, cries on the inside.

Comments

[nitevision]

why don't you blog about the wendy williams experience on this blog?

[carolyn]

yes, why doesn't rich recap wendy williams? that would make my head explode. wait, no, recap wendy williams talking about how fat tyra is now. then my head will explode.
rich is a blogod.

[Amanda Ray 11]

I love your muice , I also love Hogan Knows Best.
I love you

[Linnea]

What was the name of the song that Brooke was singing in the Studio w/ Pooh Bear and Scott Storch

[merrina grace]

i like it

[desiree]

hey wuts up brooke i really luved ur new song with paul wall i think u r really pretty stick with the muzic chica and do NOTT give up ya heared luv ya

AKA DESIREE/ LA CHICANA

[katy]

hey brook u should not let the pressure get to u

[taylor ann kibler]

broke you look so fashonable to be pretty
I Love you so much
you have a best fan

[Skye]

I don't care how you look all of America or at least all of my friends love you and if they didn't thier not with us anymore. Lol just joking Love you