You must be this tall to ride this boat.
Terry's 53rd birthday 
is coming up, and Linda asks the kids what they'd like to get their dad for it. Brooke thinks hard...
...that's it, allow the spoon to guide your brainwaves.
Because Terry "has everything," according to Linda, they should all probably do something, instead of just buying him a present. Eventually, Brooke comes up with the idea of taking him on a cruise. Linda thinks it's a great idea, but Nick isn't so sure until he's reminded that there will be girls aboard. Nick agrees after that...
...and possibly plans to blow bubbles with the girls on the boat. So wholesome, that one!
No one tells Terry where they're doing, but when he catches sight of the boat on the way to it...
...he has some idea. And he isn't pleased.
"What'd I tell you about Titanic and The Poseidon Adventure?" he asks. Well, if it had anything to do with riding with Linda on the bow of the boat, wind in your platinum locks, or a surprise appearance from an undead Shelly Winters, what you told them was pretty damn exciting, Hulk.
Terry continues his naysaying while being given safety instructions on the boat...
He blows the whistle and says, "Yeah, that whistle's gonna help you when that great white comes ripping your second leg off." Well, at least maybe the shark will enjoy being whistled at. Everyone needs to feel sexy sometimes.
As their cruise to Jamaica sets sail, we see Terry on the deck with a hat over his face...
...which seems like a weird way to soak up the sun, until you realize that it's a different type of glare all together that he's hiding from:
Fans. Rabid, skin-showing fans.
After some pushing, Terry gives the crowd his famous Hulk Hogan, "Let me tell you somethin', brother!" This seems to satisfy everyone. See, all they wanted was some heckling in return. Reciprocation is oil to the cogs of human communication. And that's one to grow on.
Later, the Hogans hit the boat's dining room for dinner. They sit with another family and soon it becomes clear that there's more than food that's on the menu.
Nick's macking on her in front of not just his family, but what appears to be her family. For this he deserves...
...fatherly props. Terry admires Nick's game. But then, who doesn't? Especially when the game extends to a reimagining of the P. Diddy portions of the "Big Poppa" video...
Honey check it: tell your friends, to get with Nick's friends, and everyone can be friends...you all can do this every weekend, aight?
Anyway, the next day, Nick strolls around the boat, basking in a post-multi-girl-hot-tub glow...
...while Terry and Linda sip umbrella-lined drinks. Ladies and gentlemen, here is an icon of American masculinity...
Anyway, to help keep Terry occupied, Linda signs them up to take part in a competition the cruise is holding called The Newlywed and Not-So-Newlywed Game. It's basically like The Newlywed Game, with the same format and multiple references to "whoopee" and everything, but not just for newlyweds. As the name implies.
The kids look on while their parents answer questions like, "Whoopee has never been the same since you did it where?" And...
...yeah, basically. Uncomfortable, much? (Linda, by the way, gave the answer "in an airplane," and Terry said something about a hotel. You can stop shielding your eyes now.)
In the end, Linda and Terry got four out of 10 answers correct. They should watch their show and learn more about themselves!
After that, Terry and Nick hit the gym. Terry asks Nick more about his "game" and how he goes about picking girls up. Nick shares one of his lines...
"Hey, you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Nick." That's enough to make anyone melt. Nick admits that this is "cheesy," and yet picking up girls with it is easy. This is because girls are dumb. Terry shares one of his pick-up lines from back in the day: Hey, how'd ya like to come up to my room, get naked and wear my title belt?" Terry wins! Nick then explains his dating philosophy, comparing it to shopping around a cereal aisle. This is to say that Nick gets honey bunches o' hoes.
Some time after that, the boat docks and the Hogans decide to go swimming with dolphins. Except, it would seem that "going swimming with dolphins" means being towed by dolphins as you hold onto their fins.
Swimming, towing, whatever. You say Charlie Tuna, we say Flipper.
Then, Nick's charm again is proved irresistible when a dolphin is shown kissing him...
And then the dolphin's all, "Cereal aisle!" and proceeds to sample the rest of the Hogans.
Ain't love grand?
Lest we forget that this entire outing was in celebration of Terry's birthday, back on the boat, Linda takes Terry to what she promises will be a Vegas-style show, while the kids go off. However, this is no ordinary Vegas-styled show as who should come on stage but...
Nick. Too bad he didn't wear his showgirl headdress. Nick sort of emcees and tells the crowd that this is in celebration of his dad's birthday. He then brings Brooke out and she gives a rousing, maybe Marilyn-esque rendition of "Happy Birthday."
It really hits Linda ...
...she's all, "That's my little Candle in the Wind up there!"
The episode ends with Terry telling everyone what a great time he had...
...even without Shelly Winters.
Sneak peek next week's episode and recap past highlights and extras right here on VSPOT!
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I love the Hogan family!
Posted by: Sandy | November 02, 2006 at 02:34 PM
I love how Nick looks and he is so f****** hot! Is he single? ~Just Kidding!~I already got me a man!
PEACE OUT!
Britt_Brat
Posted by: Britt Brat | November 12, 2006 at 09:33 PM
i love your song brooke with paulwal i love it...keeping doing what you do girl.....
Posted by: shabrina jordan | November 19, 2006 at 12:18 AM
wat does flav feel about this years show
Posted by: tt | November 26, 2006 at 05:28 AM
HEY WUT IT DO? HOGAN FAMILY I JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVE UR SHOWS AND BROOKE I LOVE UR NEW SONG WITH PAUL WALL! THINK IT'S GREAT WUT U DO AND KEEP IT UP
Posted by: IVONNE | December 19, 2006 at 11:59 AM
I think brook looks like a man
Posted by: something | December 29, 2006 at 02:29 AM
My daughters and I love the show. Terry and Linda did a fine job with raising their kids.
Posted by: MINA | February 04, 2007 at 09:36 PM
I love this show, its so enjoyable. it is nice to see Hogan outside the wrestling ring.
Posted by: Marcos Villanueva | February 13, 2007 at 06:49 PM
I just want to say that i am not a fan and never was at wrestling, but i am a big fan of what kind of father you are hulk hogan, I think the true measure of a man is how he is with his children and your pretty tall,
Posted by: kim | March 13, 2007 at 05:45 PM
nick is so hot and brooke is so pretty but i'm not a wrestler fan
Posted by: alyssa | April 14, 2007 at 11:19 PM