Some great American ideas:

The light bulb.

The TV dinner.

Cats in sinks.

And, maybe most brilliantly...

Putting New York back on Flavor of Love.

Oh yeah. It's on...like a wig.

New York rejoins the show to help Flav with this episode's judging (at least, that's her intial objective). She's also here to whip the girls into shape. Imagine Parker Posey's Dazed and Confused character Darla Marks with a lot of fake hair and you've got the idea...

New York says she's here to "weed out the crazies and the uglies." What could she possibly know about crazy?

Anyway, her performance, her showing, her ass-kicking, her whatever-you-want-to-call-it of this episode is nothing short of a tour de force. If they handed out Emmys for scenery chewing on a reality show, she'd be a shoe-in. If they handed out straight jackets, she'd nab one of those, as well.

Because New York brings with her such high-octane animosity, the best way to run down the episode is to highlight the major conflicts -- who they were between, what went down, and who won. The following is a blow-by-blow of all the screaming, chair-pulling, finger-pointing goodness.

Round 1: New York vs. Bootz

Bootz practically greets New York by saying that she isn't happy to see her.

The two argue about Bootz's choice to call Flav, "my man." New York says that this is because Bootz is a dreamer. Bootz reveals that she's marking her territory, as it were, though in a way far more dignifed than some people (or Somethin'!). "At this point, I'm lettin' her know that I'm not the one to f*** wit'." More preciously, she tells the girls later...

"She's very dramatic." It's so cute, the way she whispers it. She probably just didn't want New York to overhear her talking about her. Good old considerate Bootz!

Things heat up again the next day when the girls receive a Flavorgram telling them to get ready for a photo shoot with Urb magazine. New York oversees this by basically taking up all their bathroom time, smoking cigarettes and telling them how bad they look. New York eventually waits downstairs as the girls primp. Bootz is the last one down the stairs, which infuriates New York. Pointing ensues.

New York also does this weird mock-scratch thing to let Bootz know that she's out of the competition (even though she isn't).

New York demands that Bootz apologize for being late. Bootz refuses and demands an apology back. But she isn't getting one, you know why?

"I don't apologize because I never make, you know, mistakes." You can tell by the look in her eyes that she means it.

After things have settled down a bit, New York confronts Bootz. "What are we gonna do about that mouth?" asks New York. Bronze it! New York asks Bootz for an apology...

Bootz relents, probably because at this point, New York has the girls convinced that she'll be responsible for elimination this time. However Bootz has such a grin on her face when she says she's sorry...

...that you know she isn't entirely sincere. Hmmmmm.

The winner: It has to go to New York for eventually forcing Bootz to relent. But Bootz plays the game as well as anyone in the house -- she might be losing the battle to win the war.

Round 2: New York vs. Buckwild

New York's tiff with Buckwild starts when New York is critiquing the girls before the Urb shoot.

"You look like a fairy princess...that resides over the pits of hell," says New York.

It all makes sense in her head...

You know, it's really exciting when you're invited into a mind as...complex as that of New York. Seriously, enjoy this while you can.

New York also picks on Buckwild's "trailer-park part," though Buckwild has a great comeback she reveals later ("I thought her hair was gonna crawl up off her head and walk away.").

But it isn't until they're at the shoot that things really heat up. New York picks up the torch left fuming by Like Dat and starts inquiring about Buckwild's speaking habits. New York's flipped-out take can make even the most well-worn territory seem worth revisiting:

New York: You sound ignorant.
Buckwild: You look ignorant.
New York: Bitch, I will be ignorant all over your m*********ing ass.

Flawless dismount on New York's part. Later, Flav asks what's up and Buckwild accuses New York of calling her uneducated. New York says she didn't call Buckwild that and Nibblz pipes up with...

"You said 'ignorant.'" Note that Nibblz is using finger quotes on the word "ignorant." Also note that her right hand has three fingers extended, instead of the standard two. Who's ignorant?

Buckwild reflects on the situation with a touche to end touches...

"New York's ghetto ass tried to call me ignorant and I'm like, well if I'm so damn uneducated, how the hell do I know that they both mean stupid thing, ya dumb bitch." Faced!

The winner: Buckwild, though it would have been nice to see one of her snappy comebacks said directly to New York. But whatever, you can't have everything. That's what editing's for.

Round 3: New York vs. Krazy

Crazy is as Krazy provokes...

Krazy starts this one off by challenging New York's assertion that she'll be in charge of eliminations. New York takes an early lead with one of the most redundant, quizzical and flat-out awesome insults ever spat (pun intended!) on Flavor of Love: "your weak-ass ass."

Since actions speak louder than words, you can get the gist of the rest of the fight by just looking at pictures...

Flav finally intervenes...

...and says that, as usual, he's in charge of elimination. New York is only a helper. Hey, she tried.

The winner: Krazy, but only because Flav stepped in with the answer she was hoping for. New York put up too dirty of a fight not to be rewarded, otherwise.

Round 4: Bootz vs. no one

When asked by Urb who the biggest bitch in the house was, Bootz gladly steps up to claim the title.

She meets no opposition.

Glad everyone's in agreement!

Round 5: Deelishis vs. Krazy

The same can't be said about the "Who's the most fake?" question.

This gives Deelishis the opportunity to go off on the girl she's described as a "hatin'-ass, lyin'-ass, fake-ass bitch." That's a lot of ass for one just person, which is something Deelishis knows all about.

Anyway, Deelishis continues to back her thang up into Krazy at home, where she yells at crazy Krazy for being on the show for the wrong purpose (i.e. to further Krazy's music career) and for getting naked with Flav in the hot tub.

Flav again intervenes...

"Now what?" he asks. You can't blame him for being exasperated, but really, is he shocked? This kind of drama comes with the territory. If the show weren't called Flavor of Love, it would be called Biiitch...

The winner: New York. Just look at the delight she takes in watching these to argue.

She who laughs wins. It's that easy.

Round 6: Krazy vs. the cold sore

All the time this is going on, Krazy's freaking out about a cold sore she noticed on Beatuful...

She gets everyone else to freak out, too, since they're all kissing the same guy (and sometimes each other!), prompting the normally even-keeled Beatuful to remark:

"You make it seem like I got AIDS or some s***!" Quick, roll a condom over her.

Later, this comes into play when Krazy becomes seemingly desperate to stay in the competition (she's afraid she'll be eliminated for kissing and telling, since Deelishis let Flav know that she knew about his hot-tub interlude with Krazy).

Flav acts like it's cooties or some s***!

The winner: Krazy, because...

Yep...Beatuful is told to beat it. Flav explains, "I told her that her time was up because she wasn't really aggressive enough, but...maybe the cold sore mighta had something to do with it, too." Damn spot!

Nibblz also gets eliminated, after New York's urging (New York summed Nibblz up with what must be her hundreth great quote of the episode: "gutterbutt").

Nibblz is kind of blasé about leaving. "Flav missed out on a good (beep!)." Because, why go out of your way to prove New York wrong?

And then, just when the episode should end, it doesn't -- Flav offers New York a clock and a spot back in the competition. She accepts before you can say, "natural beauty."

(She's cackling on the inside.)

Like some bizarre biracial butterfly effect, this, in turn, prompts Buckwild to forfeit her clock:

As she explains why she's leaving (basically, she thinks New York is crazy and not trustworthy), Flav notices that her "ghetto" accent is gone. He questions her about it and she isn't even like, "Oops." She just says that it went away. Guess that explains how real she was. Mystery solved!

"And if somebody touches my body, I'm gonna f***in' lay them out. And I'm on probation. I just spent 30 grand to get out of jail. I'm not going back to jail for that bitch. I'm not ruining my life for her." And now everyone's confused again!

One part of the episode that wasn't covered above but that bears examination is the scene in which New York is getting ready in the morning, curlers in her hair, cigarettes on her lips.

Diva, diva, diva, diva, rockin' everywhere.

Seriously: if she ever wants to get out of reality TV, she could take a full-time job as a gay icon in a heartbeat.

Say it loud, and say it proud:

In a New York state of mind? Check out the extras only on VSPOT!

Comments

[Crippy's Mom]

Best. Episode. Ever. NEW YORK is one crazy b

[Kiara]

Flav will u wake up Krazy aint here for u New york is just so obsessed. defintely keep bootz and delicous around cuz delicous i like her and im sure u do to. Bootz got the power. New York just fake. why do u think she would boo hoo all on ur carpet ans SHxt man.

[xnowhereboyx]

The best episode so far this season, and also the best recap. I laughed and monkey clapped at both. I like how such a chaotic episode was neatly organized into rounds and fights for easy recap enjoyment. The only thing missing from this recap was a comparison of Bootz' eye make-up to this:
http://www.manji-clan.com/wtcl/images/characters/panda.jpg
My Sundays are not complete without Flavor of Love and my Mondays are not complete without these hilarious recaps. Thanks!

[Rocco]

haha Amazing.

[su]

lol krazy and new york need to leave together

[Nikki Smith aka galnamenikki]

NEW YORK IS THAT BITCH!!! She shoulda won the FIRST time! Hoopz tomboyish ass...she just wanted to get a boost. NY really f(&cks with Flav. Loves always wins. Tiff, get ya man, girl!

[summer]

great recap, rich.

how ironic that buckwild's name is becky. LOL. after she was tryna be so "down". that's stereotypically the whitest name a chick could have.

[Tanesha]

First of all Flav is just showing the world that even though he's not the finest n$gga, he can fuck some pretty hoes. For all yall who hating on Deelishis thats because your man is gawking at the t.v. when she comes on. Deelishis you do your thang cause if anybody should win it should be you or Buckey. As for Bootz yeah she speaks her mind but so what she spoke that apology nice and clear. If she had any game about herself she would have known that Flav was gone make his own decisions and told New York to kick rocks. She ain't the bitch she claim to be. For all yall that don't know I read in King magazine where Krazy was talking about being able to sing. He's looking for a woman not somebody to do a song with he can call Keisha Cole for that. So that lets you know what that hoes intentions are right there. If she can tell what a great man is by the look in his eyes that bitch would not be on the Flavor of Love show she'd be somewhere with a fucking man. Like Dat you deserve an apology baby, and Buckwild is like that m%therf&cker on Malibu's Most Wanted. Just be yourself Becky.

[juliet]

I can't believe it! All the things about New York that have been missing from this season will be back! My favorite is the way she talks with her eyes closed in confessionals, as if everything she is saying makes complete sense.

[tundrababe]

That was hilarious Rich!

[d]

man, i love all of the girls in the house, especially krazy, deelishis, bootz, and buckeey, and of course new york. what i want to see is krazy fight either bootz, deelishis, or buckeey. peace up, a-town down.

[cruelintentions504]

new york looks like flavor flav with makeup and a wig on. HA! i think she makes the show real good...but homegirl look like she been smoking crack.

[LoLo B]

You've outdone yourself on this one Rich! I hope NewYork finally gets to win this and stomps Flav's smoked-out Newport-lookin ass at the end!

[QueeBee]

Ok i don't really like New York's psychotic ass, BUT I have to admit that she makes the show well worth watching. I feel sorry for the girls (minus Krazy) since Flav's dog face ass let her back in though. I hope he ends up with Buckey or Deelishis cause they're the realest ones in the house...But if New York loses two seasons straight i gotta feeling she's gonna pull a 1-8-7 on some asses!!! But hey thats just me...

[mariaaaaa]

"Like some bizarre biracial butterfly effect, this, in turn, prompts Buckwild to forfeit her clock:" LOL! Long live Jade! Funny how she seems so cuckoo and confrontational on ANTM, but compared to these cranky ho's, she's like Bambi in the forest. I guess it's all about context...

[KRISTEN]

IMA B HONEST SUMBODI NEEDS TO BEAT THAT BITCH NEW YORKS ASS 4REAL...DAMNN SHE GETS ON MY FUCCIN NERVES....BUT I THINK HER N FLAV IS A PERFECT MATCH CUZ THEY BOTH UGLY AS HELL.....

[RAIN_DROP99]

NEW YORK IS BACK ALL HELL IS GONNA BREAK LOOSE UNTIL THE END. STAY AWAY FROM FLAV HE GIVES COLD SORES AND LIKE'S SHITTY GIRLS......LOL

[Keisha]

I think NY is the reason I boycotted season 1. She's just WAY too over the top. I mean, regardless of the fact that it's reality tv, you can't just come in and talk to ppl any kind of way or treat ppl any kind of way. I really really REALLY wish Krazy had hit her w/ that chair when NY tried to pull it from under her. Had Krazy hit her, I would have completely went against my boycott and even bought S1 on dvd...Shoot, apparently Buckwild would have hit NY if she wasn't on probation!!!

Btw, you didn't mention the random ass-shaking by Bootz and Nibblz during the NY vs. Krazy fight. What was up w/ that???

I don't think I'll be watching anymore now that NY is on there, but thanks to your recaps, I'll be up on it.

[Scout]

Rich,

I know that your recaps are meant to be a support of the show, but, for me, it's the other way around. I watch Flavor Of Love just so I can read your recaps.

BTW, learning the 'real' names of the girls eliminated, is somehow FASCINATING.

[Micole]

NEW YORK IS DEFINATELY BACK...I DONT THINK HE IS GOING TO CHOOSE HER BUT HE IS USING HER AS A TEST. SHE IS GOING TO INTIMIDATE SOME OF THEM. KRAZY NEEDS TO TAKE HER FAKE ASS HOME...SHE GETS JEALOUS. SHE CAN'T SING AND SHE DOING IT FOR TV. I LIKE DEELISHIS SHE IS REAL WITH HERS AND I HOPE HE PICKS HER. THEN BOOTZ...SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAP THAT FOREHEAD ON GOOD TIME...SHE GETS ON MY NERVES BUT SHE IS THERE FOR HIM. BECKY AKA BUCKWILD...FAKE FROM THE BEGINNING..ENOUGH SIDE. THEN LIKE DAT...THAT WAS WRONG, HE SHOULD HAVEN'T EVEN BROUGHT HER ON THE SHOW IF HE WAS GOING TO GET RID OF HER BECAUSE SHE WAS A LIL PLUSH. BUCKEY...U DONT HEAR MUCH FROM HER SHE IS STARTING TO FADE TO BLACK QUICKLY!!!!

[Laylah]

What's really going to be interesting is if Flav doesn't pick New York... again, even though he freely sleeps with her. He hinted in one of his magazine articles about the result of Season 2 that he found "companionship", but left things open-ended for a third season.

[xnowhereboyx]

The weird thing about Beatuful's cold sore is that she must have gotten it from someone in the house.

[marcus]

i think buckey should win because she is real she the girl that his kids will like and he will like she is just fine as hell and she tells it like it is pick her FLAV?

[Terry]

Flav you don't need a bitch like New York! If you had me on your show, I would fuck that bitch up. Deelishis is the perfect WOMAN for you!!!!!

One Love,
Terry from NYC

[Terry]

Deelishis is the one for you Flav!!!!!!!!!!!!