Remember this?

Ah, memories. And now, New York and Chance are reunited and it feels so...

...oral.

We get right down to business, which is a good thing, as at least half of the readers of this blog were facing spontaneous combustion if Chance didn't come back. Seriously guys, don't explode. It'll only be another few minutes.

New York tells the guys that she's dredging up their pasts and bringing their exes back, as it always goes around this time on any given show in the Flavor of Love universe. It's so nice having something to look forward to: if the inevitable finale vacation is like Christmas, this particular point in the time line is a good, solid Flag Day.

New York calls out the girls. Punk's ex is Crystal.

Buddha's is Tyese.

Except, that isn't his ex at all. It's his sister. "Buddha's ex couldn't be here because she's crazy," explains New York. Too crazy for VH1 is indeed crazy. It's like booger-collection crazy. Or pluck-my-eyebrows-out-with-my-fingernails crazy. Or still-has-natural-hair crazy. I'm talkin' 'bout crazy!

The Entertainer's ex is Megan.

One look at this completely reasonably sized individual should clue you in to the fact that New York had something to say about her, of course:  "The Entertainer’s ex girlfriend looks like she likes to eat in her spare time. I don’t know, it could be the munchies ’cause she’s big." She eats in her spare time as opposed to what? Sharing your love of ranch dressing with millions of people each week? You know, sometimes during a reflective pause, I'll think about the fact that I know what New York's favorite dressing is. We all do, you know? It's a very intimate thing to be aware of. It feels kind of...icky. 

Mr. Wise's ex is Kia.  She is lovely.

Pretty doesn't have an ex come in, but his sister LaShonda is in the house.

Pretty...questionable.

Lastly, we meet Tailor Made's wife, Nancy.

And you-know-who has you-know-what to say about her: "When I saw Tailor Made’s wife Nancy walk through the door, I was so shocked. I was expecting Ciara or Beyoncé to walk through the door. But I get Aunt Esther or, better yet, Wesley Snipes when he did To Wong Fu." Nice Sanford and Son reference, Granny. Also, did she really expect Ciara or Beyoncé? For Tailor Made? Really?

The exes, dubbed "boyish lookin'" by Sister P, mingle with their former men.

We find out that Kia still has major feelings for Mr. Wise. "I'm tryin' to not be emotional," she confesses. Oh, lighten up. It's just reality TV. Kia asks Mr. Wise if New York's seen his penis. "'Cause once she sees that, it's a wrap," she says. OK, that's weird. His jingle-jongle would have to be notable for it to be "a wrap," and because she's speaking so freely about it, I'm assuming that it's notably big, not small (otherwise, her tone would be hushed and grave because, if there's one thing that this show has taught us, it's that size matters). So that makes at least two I Love New York 2 cast members who are well endowed. Do you think they were screened beforehand? You know that New York has been waiting her whole life to say the following five words: "Turn your head and cough."

So here's how it's going to go: New York and Sister P will interrogate the girls while the guys are interrogated by very special guests...

Chance and Real! Hurrah! If they make someone fake an orgasm, this Flag Day will be bumped up to a good, solid 4th of July. Explosions!

First up is Tailor Made, who reveals that he's a snitch. Admirable...er, kinda. Nancy reveals that he gets "hot and heavy" very quickly. So does New York. I wonder if Tailor Made's heaviness can be blamed on ranch, too?

Then, there's the Entertainer he does his, "I loooooove New York!" thing.

It's a wonderful way to say hello. It beats hanging from a web and gently murmuring, "Salutations!" at any rate.

We find out from the Entertainer that he works for UPS. And from Megan, we find out that he still lives at home with his parents. That really makes so much sense that I'd be willing to chalk it up to being part of his charm.

Punk reveals that he was with Crystal for four months before he gets angry at Chance and throws the table at him. It's so bad-ass that just the still shot makes me swoon.

"You not gonna come in here and muscle me," he says to a particularly lippy Chance. Well, duh: you can't muscle Punk because he's been muscled enough. I mean, where could you even put muscles on him? He's built like a rock formation! Meanwhile, we find out that Crystal was never in love with him. What is she, anti-mineral? Rockist!

As an aside, check out this shot of Real:

Doesn't he look like Cher?

Moving on, Mr. Wise reveals that he was with Kia for three years. Meanwhile, Kia reveals that she was with him for four. Men and women -- so different, they can't even measure time alike. She also reveals that he's called her since he's been in the house. Scandal!

Finally, there is Pretty, who at one point during his interrogation asks Chance and Real, "Who gives a flip?" Don't get gangsta on us, buddy! Pretty reveals that his longest relationship lasted two years, he lost his virginity in high school and his family has met every former girlfriend he's ever had. His sister paints a far different story.

She is scandalized by New York's questions. Apparently, she had no idea what to expect. This is because she does not own a TV and/or up until right before she appeared on this show, she was deaf and blind. True story. I hope. Anyway, she reveals that she has no idea when or if Pretty lost his virginity and that people have talked about him being gay before (but that's what people do: talk) and that she's never met any of Pretty's former girls. Something smells fishy. Not that Pretty would know what that smells like or anything.

New York reveals that she's going on a date with Real and Chance (she refers to them as "my exes," which just goes to show how reality TV gives you an altered view of life and relationships), but before they go, the guys talk about their first-season foes.

Buddha chuckles when he's told of Punk's table-flipping. "These cats are just characters as far as I can tell," says Buddha. Brilliant. Someone get this insightful man a job as a casting director, now!

One more thing before we do dinner with New York, Chance and Real:

Nice -- I'd started missing seeing chewed up food in people's mouths (although, in this case, I think Wise just spread some mayo over his tongue and kept it there). Nice to see that Mr. Wise is holding it down for Midget Mac.

And then there is the date:

New York reveals that seeing Chance made her want to please him and have her please her back. If it please the court, I'm going to throw up.

At dinner Real offers New York some sage advice: "You gotta start thinking with this...

...and this...

Use both of them." I don't like Real's advice. Why use two things to do jobs that your vagina can easily accomplish by itself?

Real and Chance weigh in on the guys. Chance wants Punk out of there, but Real thinks he's there for New York. Real can't believe New York's into Tailor Made. Welcome to the season, Real! The Entertainer's residence at Sofa City is mocked. Buddha's violence is mentioned, but who cares? That only makes him hotter. Mr. Wise and Pretty both lied. Welcome to reality TV. Of course, the whole time, Chance and New York are all over each other.

It feels like old times, which is awesome, until they're confronted with the fact that it isn't old times.

Back at the house, New York and Chance continue their gropefest when Sister P interrupts everything, saying she needs to talk to New York alone. "Chance, be good. Chance!" slurs New York. God, she's awesome when she's drunk. That's to say: she's awesome.

New York is confronted by some of the guys for flirting with guys from Season 1. They must be really upset at the prospect of cross-contamination.

This leads to a confrontation between Buddha and Chance...

Chance is as yappy as a lap dog. Seriously, who needs Your Majesty around when you've got Chance. Anyway, Chance's mouthing off reminds New York why she didn't choose him in the first place. Her mouth is big enough for the entire house, thank you very much.

Chance leaves in a huff. Real follows.

And so does Pretty! See, after Chance and Real skip out, New York attempts to calm everyone down...by calling them on their shit. Brilliant. She calls Mr. Wise and Pretty out on their stories' inconsistencies with that of their female visitors and Pretty blows up. It's almost out of nowhere. "Go get your weave fixed!" and "Silicone-breast-wearin’ bitch!" are two of the things that he calls her. God, defensive, much? Also, everyone knows that New York doesn't wear weaves, she wears wigs. Only a straight guy wouldn't know that. Hey, wait a minute...Pretty can't be gay.

Anyway, you know New York isn't having it.

As rarin' to go as she seems, New York and Pretty never have it out face-to-face. The next thing you know, he's in a van and he's gone forever.

Weird, right?

And then, it's time for a very grave elimination ceremony. You can tell it's grave because New York and Sister P both have their heads bowed.

The guys are smarting over the Chance and Real debacle. They want to know if she still has feelings for them, Chance in particular. New York says that she doesn't -- if she did, she wouldn't be here. "I don't want him!" she yells. You can tell she's serious because she shows you the whites of her eyes.

And how often do we get to see those? They're like the Halley's Comet of facial features.

She then does something that couldn't be more out of character if she announced she was joining a convent: she apologizes. She says to the guys that if they felt insulted by Chance and Real's presence, she's sorry. Whoa. The apocalypse is upon us!

New York opens the floor for guys to say their peace. When it comes to Buddha, he asks if she has anything to say to him. Ballsy! He then says if she's there for Chance, he doesn't want his chain. Uh, didn't she just go over this, Drama King?

Then Sister Patterson says something, but I'm not sure what it is because all I can concentrate on is her nails as she gestures.

Oh, OK, no nails there. Well, whatever she's saying, I'm sure she really means it. The fists tell me that.

New York goes on.

Quite awesomely, she proclaims, "I’m a strong black woman and I need a man that’s able to handle that." That's a huge request. You might even call it heaving. Anyway, since Pretty left, no other guys are getting booted this week. That's a relief! Buddha says, "I'm looking forward to moving forward with her." And I'm looking forward to hearing him say the word "forward" some more.

And so, that's it. Next week should be exciting, though: Chance comes back again!!! Just kidding: but that got you really excited for a second, didn't it?

Related content
I Love New York 2 show page

Comments

[Ms.Teresa]

WELL FIRST AND FOREMOST I THINK NEW YORK AND CHANCE SHOULD BE TOGETHER AND I AM HAPPY THAT TANGO DID NOT CHOOSE HER BECAUSE YOU JUST DO NOT DOWN SOMEONE ELSE'S MOTHER AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT THE GUY YOU ARE INGAGED TO NAH THAT JUST DO NOT MIX. SO IF ANYONE KNOW WHERE TANGO IS SEND HIM MY WAY I GURANTEE YOU HE WILL BE WELL SATIFIED AND HAPPY... BE BLESSED EVERYONE...

[teresa]

BEFORE SOMEONE TALK ABOUT MY SPELLING LET ME RESPELL THIS WORD SATISFIED... NEW YORK IS JUST SETTING HER SELF UP FOR FAILURE...

[shells]

I think if new york wants to give chance another chance she should because they look good.You can still see they have love for one another and i think chance would never hurt new york.

[Devans00]

Awww, you were way to soft on Pretty. I think he took himself out of the competition before he could be outed.

It was nice that Tailor Made was concerned for New York, rather than being a self-centered jerk like Buddha.

[anon]

What the fritz happened on that editing floor? Is there always a van in waiting for any guy who wants to make a dramatic exit? So staged.

[edna brown]

well since pretty is gone now how can i get to him .and i feel like new york is a good person but she need to go with her feelings and mind so that she could be happy

[lexis]

love ur recaps!!!

[crystaaahl]

I found it totally awful that Tiffany would ask Pretty's sister if she ever walked in on him jacking off?! Gross!!! I would be totally pissed if someone asked my family member something like that! It shows no tact or class. Pretty is gorgeous, poor guy, of course we only get the story the producers and editors want us to see ...

[Joan]

Real = Rick James

[w]

I think Taylor Made is an actor. He tries too hard to say the perfect thing - but at least he seemed concerned when NY cried. Buddha has an attitude problem. I used to think Punk was boring, but I like how he was ready to fight Chance. Punk would be a good choice for NY, but she probably wants someone who is more "dangerous". She'll probably pick Buddha and he will dump her.

[sheila]

Yes pretty is hidding something.
From lookin at the online extra and all that kissing with chance ,,,,yes she still feels for him,,my opinion is this girl is confused but she is materialistic ,,buddha may satify her in bed but i believe she will go where the money is and weakness is so she can control,,she can do that with taylor or punk cause they have money and she knows it,,budda is cute in her eyes but he is violent and is showing no since of spending money which she likes

[Myrah]

Can you think of a worst pair of ghetto women to preach non-violence than New York and Sister Patterson? New York was beating everyone up in Flavor Flake, and her mother just threw a drink at The Entertainer not long ago.
Honestly, this show is the biggest circus, proof of that is sister Patterson talking about calories........Helloooo!!!! have you seen ur big butt in the mirror lately?

[Joyce]

I think if someone looks gay is PUNK!
REALLY, THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE PRETTY EYES THAT SEEM LIKE HE HAS BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE

[lisa1974]

This show is so staged, so fake. Watch for "I Love New York 3" next season....

[AhTrini]

I suspect New York picked Tailor Made, good for her. She has grown up a little since last season. It's reflected in her more gentle approach to how she treats the guys.

[Ty]

The irony of Mrs. Patterson talking about someone looking manly is quite delicious. Oh, and because of ol' Tiffany, the battle cry of "I'm a strong Black woman..." has lost whatever credibility it had... LOL...

[Jordan]

I just want to say that I think that New York is great I just wish that she would wear the proper bra with her clothes

[jeanette]

I saw the show extras and I'm stiil trying to figure out why pretty gotten so mad it wasn't that serious, i have no respect for him b/c he was about to hit her. personally i think he is gay and that why he left the show. buddha is selfish and i don't know why he keep taking the chain every week when he is not feeling her. i think ny likes taylor made b/c he have money and so do punk. i was surprised when taylor made wife is black