In this episode, Pepa sets out to find herself a man.

Look at how much fun dating can be? Ah, to be a swinging single...

Pep's on the prowl and ready to pounce!

She has back luck with men, though, probably because she always goes for the bad boys. And by "bad boys" she means "men dressed like cats." She and Gloria Estefan, alike! She reveals that she hasn't done anything, not even kissed a guy, in two years. But bananas, well, they're a different story.

Salt obviously disapproves of Pepa's bad-boy fetish, as we find out as she shares a brisk walk with her sister. We find out that she and Gavin will be going on a double date with Pep and her new suitor.

He's kind of cute in a thirty-year-old-who-lives-in-his-mother's-basement kinda way. His name is Kenya and Pep met him at a lounge. Salt, of course, gets right down to interrogating, asking if he's ever been in any long-term relationships or married. Kenya's response is, "I've had my fair share." Of what? Long-term relationships or marriages? We never find out, although for some reason, this strikes Pep as worthy of googly eyes.

She just loooves his commitment to commitment.

Or something. Salt asks about his feelings about monogamy and he skirts the issue, asking Pepa if she's "flexible in that area."

She isn't. She hasn't been to her heart pilates class in over a month. Kenya, who thus far, clearly has not impressed Salt...

...then launches into a story...

Pep's all, "You ain't got nothing on that bunch of plantains I bought at the market." Just kidding. It's not that kind of a story. It involves his ex throwing a knife that big at him. When asked what happened as a result, Kenya delivers what amounts to a punchline: "You know we both got arrested!" And then he laughs like the maniac everyone's afraid that he is.

Salt pulls Pep into the bathroom and starts metamorphosing into werewolf...

Kidding again! That's the international hand gesture for "red flag!" Didn't you know? The thing is that Kenya's story would probably turn New York on and she'd figure him to be a worthy suitor. "Any man who has a knife thrown at him is doing something right." Ah, differing Celebreality perspectives.

Salt and Pepa both agree that Kenya's pretty much a dud. But Pepa likes duds. Let her have her duds! Seriously, it's probably better for society that duds be allowed to relieve their sexual tension. If they didn't they might hit women in the head with a can of paint. Oh wait, that already happened.

Anyway, they say their goodbyes and Kenya's left sitting by himself...

The only thing that could make him look more content is an Xbox controller or, perhaps, some mildew.

Anyway, Pep is not discouraged. "I believe in my record ‘Whatta Man,’ and I’m lookin’ for a whatta man. I want a whatta man," she says. Hmmm. If she can't find a whatta man, do you she'd settle for a water boy?

Determined, she enlists the help of a matchmaker.

He's hot. Why doesn't she just date him?

Salt shades in Pep's misfortune.

The last guy Pep dated had gold teeth. How appalling! I mean, his breath probably was, but besides that, I don't see the problem. Some people (i.e. everyone who's ever appeared on Flavor of Love) find that appealing. Again: differing Celebreality perspectives. Salt also asks how the matchmaker feels about Pepa "exposing all of her goods right away."

She's referring to Pep's cleavage and, really, it isn't even that bad. Salt acts like Pep's doing gymnastics in crotchless panties or something. Gotta get out more, Salt. Anyway, they decide to enlist this hunk of a matchmaker with a twist: Salt will help in the selection process. He seems really uneasy about this, explaining that he usually works alone, but the decision has been made. Salt's back without an 808 and she's bossy.

She and Steve evaluate the applicants.

None of them fit her high and chaste standards. She later rants to Gavin about this.

"This one’s a player, and this one’s a gigolo…" Eh. Story of my life. And also: really? Do people really say "gigolo?" The best thing about this is that Salt goes on and on and on and Gavin just sits there.

I don't think he's said more than five words over the course of the two episodes of this show that have aired. He just lets her get out her frustration and then it's done. Gavin, clearly, is wise beyond his years.

And then: an idea! Salt knows just the guy for Pep. She arranges a dinner so that they can meet.

Beforehand, Salt goes on and on about how great this guy is. He's smart, professional and has a big heart. Pep is suspicious and bluntly asks, "He has hair?" After several beats, Salt reveals, "...No." Ha! The credits could roll now because we know exactly where this is going, although the ride is bound to be painfully delicious.

Salt's guy arrives and Pep chugs her wine.

Salt introduces Mark to the group:

Pep, clearly, is thrilled.

Thus begins an awkward series of interactions between Mark and Pep. He is not unlike the guy that Lela Rochon gets busy with in the beginning of Waiting to Exhale: bespectacled, good-natured and he probably loves it when you call him "Big Poppa."

He asks if Pepa was shocked when he walked in the door and she doesn't even attempt to sugar-coat it. "Yes!" is her answer. I think he may take this as a compliment.

And then, it goes even worse. Between stammers, Mark says...

"Seems like, y’know, God was smiling when he made you, I’ll tell ya. ‘Cause you sure wearing that outfit pretty nice." Maybe God was smiling when he made the outfit. Ever think of that, Mark?

Unable to endure this without some sort of expression of catharsis, Pep pulls Salt into what seems to be a makeshift pharmacy...

Their alone time is seriously adorable. Anyway, Pep points out that this is terrible. Mark isn't for her. He's round and he comes up to here:

Again, this is a trait that New York would count as a plus.

Back at the table, Mark says, "Cheryl asked me how do I feel about having sex on the first date?"

Uh, awkward. I've never found myself praying harder for someone to stay off the table. Tell, don't show! Tell, don't show!

"I'd rather the ring be put on the finger before sex is initiated," says Mark. And it is at this point that Pep, unable to mask her disgust for another second, spits out the food that's in her mouth.

Once upon a time, Salt-N-Pepa told us, "It's all about expression." And so it is.

Not that Mark has any clue. The date ends soon after this and he attempts to sweet talk Pepa outside.

The train wreck rolls on as he goes in for a kiss:

How embarrassing. At least we know he's not a gigolo -- gigolos have way more common sense by nature.

Anyway, that was a bust, but Pepa's gonna press on, this time without Salt's help.

I said it before, but this time I mean it: get with the matchmaker already!

Related content
The Salt-N-Pepa Show page

Comments

[Kellee]

I think that Pepa is still used to a certain type of look amd feel to a guy. But she will come around, I hope. But please, you can send Brother Mark my way. I'm waiting on my husband and I am not opposed to meeting him through your show.

[Sharon]

I see a little Pepa in me when it come to making choices for the right man but what we all need to bring ourselves to know and believe that our choice for a soul mate is through God and not our associates. We need the support of our friends, but learn such an important decision be made with prayer, faith, hope and belief. In Pepa’s case, she have Salt her friend to extend prayer with her and that is very rare in this day and time, to have a praying friend! I’m a longtime Salt N’ Pepa fan but I just recently started watching this show yesterday, my daughter walked in the room and said that show is wack but what I think, it’s great and if nothing else it will help the two strengthen and grow in their relationship. What I don’t agree with is the belief, one is a financial gain for the other after all they are friends but have different lifestyles. This to me is natural but some have different ways of dealing with it. I have been blessed to have my own profession and business but like Pepa I have lost and would love to have a man to carry the weight as the man, where together we can make greater accomplishments as one. I applause your effort but if reuniting as a group is impossible than your friendship is worth more. Pray together!

[AUTHENTIC MAGAZINE]

KENYA WAS A COOL DUDE
SALT SLAYED HIM TOO MUCH
AND ITS BETTER TO LAUGH A LITTLE
MORE ....

[sexy lady]

I would rather chill with Kenya he seemed more fun and down to earth.

He's handsome with a sense of humor
and he always seems so youthful so I understand his boyish charm and love his baby face.
And so what he got stabbed. You can't judge somebody because of that.
I think they treated him mean.
In the blog they say he's a nobody.
He is the Authentic dude he got the Gino Green on his back and the Incassos on his feet too.
with the true religions jeans or maybe the jeans are his own design.
he aint no slouch
I know he has his own boutique magazine co. and clothing line plus an online tv channel.
he promotes parties with funkmaster flex at Spy club on thursdays and with dj camilo at guest house on wednesdays
and Duvet on fridays.
He gets it poppin in new york city
Kenya is the Authentic dude from lower manhattan.

[danielle foster]

i think pepa should let a man come to her instead of lookin for a man to love her and please hert needs.

[BIG M]

I LIKE THE SHOW, BUT I THINK THAT CHAPPELL(GAVIN) SHOULD BE MORE INVOLVED IN THE SHOW HE DOESN'T SAY MUCH HE JUST SMILES. MARISSA

[BIG M,[email protected]]

ALSO, ME AND MY BESTFRIEND KEISHA LOVE THIS SHOW WE GREW UP WITH U GUYS WE USE TO DRESS AND PRETEND WE WERE U. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

[Just me]

I love the show...the dialouge is real and you can feel the chemistry. I'm glad they are doing the show with class, the two women look beautiful

[pmh]

I love the how the show shows that they both have two different personalities... I hope they do another album we need some female rappers because the rap games is wack... I also respect Salt's point of view shes a grown woman now...so it's understandable if she doesn't want to rap about the same things she did in the past people grow up...unlike 2 short or Ice Cube...almost 40 and still talking about drugs and gangbanging...Salt stay true to yourself...i luv the show

[Maria]

I was very disappointed with Salt. She's a holy roller control freak. What I dont understand is why she was not replaced when she walked out on her group way back than? Why did the group die? Pepa keep your head up and keep being real....

[T-Ann]

I am warming up to this show. I think that everytime I watch it Salt's attitude toward everything that Pepa do turns me off in the worst way. As a person whom have found God and has allowed him in to her life she comes off very judgemental. That is of every single thing Pepa does. In this episode she went too far. You don't try to pick out a man for someone that you have not hung with in years. Further more I think that Pepa should find herself before worrying about finding a man. There is a lot going on in her life at this point in time and a man (as we all know) will complicate everything even more. Pep has a lot going for herself and she should not have to feel uncomfortable around anyone. Right now she seems uncomforatble around everyone but her friends. Pep keep your head up and be you that's who God made you to be. Salt and Pepper is opposite not the same, be different.

[Lowauns Dixon]

You two ladies are entitled to your opinion. But their one thing you two are in denial about. It is about change, and they are older now not back when we were in High School. It is also about growing up and be a positive role model for our young black girls. I commend Cheryl for her godly character on the show and pray that Sandy can learn from past mistakes. We are christian and are human being with a past also. When one does not the truth about god word, a sinner tends to pass judgement towards us. We don't judge because that job was given to Jesus. He commands that we love everybody unconditional, something our nation know nothing about. Salt continue plant seed, someone else will come along and water but god give the increase. This one way the world will know who Christ really is.

[christy]

this was one of the funniest dates I have seen in my life!

http://www.spymac.com/details/?2290046

[essenze]

i hope pepa get her own show to look for a new salt since..the old salt dont want to do any more gigs then they can go on tour with the new salt and the world except her...and then get her show to look for a new mate like...I love N.Y.show...I think that will be a goodlook for VH1...love essenze from queens,NY

[UknownCutiePie]

I think Salt needs to calm down abit. I am a christian, and I do believe she is a little judgemental. Furthermore, id she is such the Christain why is she even entertaining this whole reunion with Pepa. Christians are born again, new creatures, old things are past away... Pepa is still a sinner. Though we are to witness to them and be around them, it is very important to be careful... Pepa is wild, and she wants to be of the world. If she wants to rap, she should try to do it on her own or, start a new group. She act like she can't do it without Salt. And if Salt doesn't really want to be in a group with her, she should be doing the show then...

[sharonda]

I would really like to meet Mark, he is really handsome and has good head on his shoulder. Could you please make this union happen. Thank you

[Michelle]

I think Mark is good looking and attractive. Can a sister find out how to meet him.....

[sr]

I was all excited about this show at first but I can't stand Salt. Why is Pep even litsening to her? Salt treats her like a little dog. I notice they sure ain't approaching the subject of Spinderella because I saw Salt really dismiss her in an interview a few years ago. Salt is a true hypocrite and I'm not watching anymore. LONG LIVE SPIN!!!

[Tonisha]

I saw the episode where Pepa stays at Salts house during the sneek peak. Although Salt can appear judgemental at times, she does have a point most of the time - and I am NOT born again. Pepa is a bit loose and seems very childish most of the time. How can a grown woman come to a church performance in a see-through shirt? Why would she buy an expensive apartment before the group has even truly gotten started? She does have kids to consider. Yes, Salt may seem like her mother, but in all fairness, Pepa sometimes deserves it. She can come across as very inconsiderate. I do however agree that they have both screwed over Spinderella.

[latrice williams]

hey pepa u made the group anyway. i always loved u , salt and spinderella stink u should have left them and started ur own stuff, salt is fake she needs. to get a life and spinderella always have been fake she thought she made something but like she was she should have stayed in the back ground i have follewed u and that group since u started in the 80's i remember get up , shake that thang. and believe me i got every meaning out of the song .and if salt can't understand that yall made alot of people feel like somebody , yall was looked up to .she need to get a life and u know what pepa people like that do not last long i can't believe she is hiding behind some sickness she had she is so fake .lol but pepa im ur sista for life .

[Lisa Landry]

I think that Pepa should keep doing her and Salt should mind her own business. She cannot mold Pepa into Salt. Is she jealous that she is not Pepa? Everybody has their own personality and Pepa should keep being Pepa and tell Salt that she cannot change who she is even though Salt wants Pepa to be like her. "Salt, no one told you to get married, and stop being fake with your prayer group, because GOD does not like fake people or judges.

[mikey]

i aint no rap fan but s&p are great. always loved their stuff. they are great on their series also. can't get enough of them. im a 50 year old white guy , married with children and i am their biggest fan.will follow everything you guys do. mikey really enjoy your show.

[latrice williams]

and to salt husband u betta get away from her before she mess ur life up like she did my sista pepa.

[latrice williams]

spinderella , i am so happy i got this time to say what i want to . u was a loser from the start ,even though this make me sick to say , i like salt betta than u , on the real pepa is the best thing that happen to that group .i loved salt and pepa. im 33yrs old i was there since day one .wit tramp . getup . shake that thang , etc , yall was the reason yall made me love hip hop , but now salt was fake after all that time . pepa pls dont change cause under everything we know who's the purest and the realist not salt of course , i hate spin i wish i could get on national tv and say wats on my mind , cause pepa u deserve alot more . salt ur day will come . and u will need pepa , but like any other real person i bet she will b there , ur fake self . salt , u should be ashamed of urself.

[tania]

i've been watching the show since the start and i love both salt & peppa. I understand both sides i think if peppa want to continue to rap and rap about the things they did bck in high school then so be just find someone to replace salt. As for salt i see her point also she's all grown up now with child and a husband and has accepted god in her life we can't hate on that at all. So no matter what u ladies decide to do i love u both