This episode's big revelation?

If Scott turns things around right now and commits to Renee, he may still never get to put this fine needlepoint on his wall. If nothing else, that is a tragedy of interior design.

We open with Scott in a session with Doc Ali. Scott reveals that to him, commitment means bondage. Now, commitment means bondage to quite a few people of, ahem, certain taste, but it's nothing kinky or anything like that in Scott's case. He reveals that his fear of settling down has led to a life of infidelity. Doc Ali asks him, point blank, if he's cheated on every girl he's been with and here's his reaction:

Not quite a wince even though it should be. He reveals that he's cheated on most of them, but not Renee. He tells a story about two girls he was with at the same time, who didn't know about each other until they happened to meet randomly at a casting – it goes without saying that he lost both of them. Scott reveals that he never apologized, like ever, and so Doc Ali gives him this week's assignment: to apologize to Julie McCullough, one of the girls that dumped Scott after that fateful casting meeting. Here's how Scott reacts to the assignment:

There's our boy!

He attempts to reach out to Julie but reaches her roommate. Scott has heard that Julie has been performing stand-up and, what's more, using her relationship with Scott (now almost 20 years after the fact, by the way) as material for her act. Scott tells the roommate to not leave a message for her. As he says this, he gives us our second wince of the episode.

He now knows he'll have to see her face to face. That level of wince is just below that of a light kick to the groin. Hopefully he'll wear his cup to Julie's show.

We see Julie hit the stage.

Immediately, she notices Scott in the audience and calls him out.

Her routine proceeds to be more on the bitter side than the funny one, as she sort of just rants about her relationship with him. She refers to him as "Cheap Cheater Chachi." The hilarity of alliteration is always a reliable source for material. Take it from a total truth-teller. She reveals that Scott's cheap because he made her buy her own slice of pizza. Lady, if you're still complaining about having to throw down, like, 50 cents in the '80s so that you could stuff your face, you're the cheap one. Just saying. She relates a story about throwing a beer bottle at Scott and that's when he's heard enough.

He literally flees.

After the show, he meets with a still-defensive Julie. She informs him that because of him, she got her first AIDS test.

That's Scott's reaction. It's a wince right around the yikes-the-condom-just-broke level.

But Scott has a task and so he performs it: he apologizes to Julie for cheating. She seems completely shocked that he's fessed up to his bad behavior.

In the end, she tells him he's a good guy and hugs him.

And, in a comedic move trumping all of Julie's bits, Scott has a piece of pizza come for her right at the end of their discussion. Because nothing says, "I'm truly sorry" like a pronounced punchline.

The next day, we're introduced to Scott's friend Andrew Lee. We're informed that Andrew has a lot of money and then shown that he does with gratuitous shots of his cars.

Andrew's taking Scott and the guys down to Palm Springs. On the way, Scott's married friends discuss how marriage can put a whole new spin on celibacy. Scott says he wants to pull the steering wheel to land them in a ditch. Seriously, monogamy without the "gamy" means a lot of sex with oneself. And that, you know, sucks. But not in the good way.

Anyway, while in Palm Springs, the guys run into a bachelorette party.

Hmmm. That's about as appropriate as a Good Humor machine in a gym. The girls might as well be wearing crotchless panties and sprinkles on their boobies for all the temptation they're giving Scott. They all decide to party at Johnny V's place and in the car ride over, we're basically taught what we already know: Johnny V wants Scott to stay single because Johnny V relies on Scott to party.

And, once again, after we're told a fact, we see it in action. As the bachelorettes and Scott's brahs party, Scott realizes how young the girls are (one notes that she was 5 in 1980) and, pretty hilariously, deduces that he has pants older than them. That's his cue to bounce.

This is much to the chagrin of Johnny V, who has a feeling that the girls don't want to party with him without Scott. He's right.

Any sympathy you can muster up for a leech should go to Johnny V right now.

The next day, Scott gets a call from Doc Ali. Oooh, bonus assignment. She wants him to meet some friends of hers to help shatter his perception of commitment.

Scott would be wincing, but he's just too tired.

Anyway, he goes over to the house of Berks and Arlene, a couple who's been married for 50 years.

Scott wonders how this is possible...aloud.

After he says, "possible," he winces just like that. That's a wince on the level of someone who realizes that on a clear day, you can't see forever if you don't have on sunglasses. Arlene and Berks' secret is that they have lives apart from each other – obviously their relationship is a focal point, but it's not their entire lives. Interestingly, it may be that Scott devotes too much to his love life – even if it isn't steady, per se, it's entirely consuming. Armed with that knowledge, Scott leaves Berks and Arlene. He wasn't into the pickled eggs Arlene served, so he put them in his pocket and gets rid of them before he goes.

Ah, more parting-shot symbolism – of course he doesn't like eggs. Eggs are signs of fertility and there are few things more confining than children. Scott still has so far to go when it comes to commitment and, well, eggs. Such would seem to be the case for our purposes, at least.

Comments

[Tiffany Fan!]

What a wuss -- I can't watch his whining, selfish crap anymore -- and WHY didn't he dump that using jerk Johnny V years ago? I know in the previews of the later episodes it looks like Scott does, but please -- it took a faux reality show to make him realize what a loser the guy is? Waah, waah, waaaaaaaaaah

[Mary]

HIS GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT AND DUE IN DECEMBER - YOU GO FIGURE OUT THE ENDING TO THIS SHOW THAT IS OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS.

[bondgirl]

He obviously has no respect for women, it is relly sad to watch an older guy go through his troubles and try to sift out what he did. Johnny V is pathetic excuse for a male, he looks like a enuch the way he follows Scott around. The women who stayed and participated in Scott's cheating and bullshit games, go get some self esteem! He gets off at knowing that you all seem to care. If I had a chance at him, he would just be a notch in my celebrity belt, and would move on. He is not intelligent enough to keep an adult responsible relationship....

[e]

Hey Rich, I really like the symbolism with the egg...completely refreshing, unlike poor Scottie's show. : )

[Jenn Smith]

I remember when Scott came to my hometown when I was in 8th grade. I loved him. I believe his b-day is Aug. 22nd, his grandma gave him his cross necklace, and at the time he had a dog named Penelope. I was bawling the entire time. From the minute I saw him until we left. I asked him for a kiss on the cheek and he looked down to his father for approval and his dad was looking back, like, Are you kidding me! He gave me a kiss on the cheek and that was the greatest day of my young life. I wish you all the best at finding true love.

[Erich Lingenfelter]

Questioned answered...
...Scott Baio is 45 and single because he is douche bag and he hangs out with douche bags.

[Chere Contreras]

I don't care that Scott has a questionable past. He is still awesome..after all these years...so what that he's been with numerous women many of us have done the same, Scott no matter what you are a man to be admired! I hope you find what you need!!

Love always Chere

[jeni]

Scott is pathetic. What a loser 45 and completely lost! Well, he is cute for 45, but please. This show is so sad, but I will keep watching for entertainment purposes and to remind myself how much more together I am at 24 than so many others!

[jeni]

At least he's trying. I hope he can do it!

[peter hirsh]

johnny v was my best friend growing up . he and his family lived 5 houses down the block. we used to have sleep overs and watched johnny carson when we were kids. johnny you have changed a bit. hope all is well. peter

[Tina]

I'm just about Scott's age and growing up I never did like the Chachi character or the Charles character that much, I started watching to see what an idiot he would be... but what he is doing and the commitment (yes commitment) he is making to the process of working with his life coach is impressive. Whiney wuss??? Woman hater? I don't agree... don't have to. I have a whole new respect for Scott. He's a guy a typical guy that is afraid of not being in total control... isn't he Italian? At least he is attempting to better himself.

[Jessica F]

Scott Baio is a waste of sperm and egg. Ughh, Rich I am truly sorry you have to recap this show.

[Kelly Robinson]

Way to go Scott!

You can rag on how he doesn't respect women and needs to grow up all you want. What do you think the man is trying to do going through all of this?

I think without the creepy Johnny character around, he will make an excellent husband, father and most importantly - person!

I loved the show and can't wait for it to return.

I am a life coach, too, and think Doc Allie did an excellent job!

[Erich Lingenfelter]

Kelly Robinson you're as big a douche-bag as Scott Baio with your touchy-feely B.S.. No matter who your friends are or what they do, you have to be man enough to take control of your own life without some "doctor" or "life coach" having to tell you what to do. Hey Scott! Be a man you limp-wristed sissy!!