12 Pack isn't gay.
...but his pillow is!
Guess what, everybody? 12 Pack likes to work out!
OK, so that's not exactly new information or anything, but this might be: he shaves his pits. Not exactly surprising, but interesting all the same. And smooth!
While 12 Pack is making himself pretty, Tango is busy making himself more attractive...to New York. He writes her a letter:
And she reads it...
Note the gorgeous stationary. Nothing says "I love you" like hole-punched loose leaf.
New York gathers all the guys up and during some 12 Package fondling...
...New York tells them to get ready for a big surprise: girls from their past! She parades them out one at a time. There's Chance's ex Malay (sp?)...
Tango's ex, Sunny...
Whiteboy's sister, Melissa...
Real's ex, Sienna...
(Doesn't she look like Aaliyah?)
And 12 Pack's ex, Jamie.
Hosting some women in the house gives New York the chance to do what New York does best: rag on bitches. New York on Sienna: "Sienna, she seemed to be the cutest one, but this girl, she looks like a virgin [pronounced 'version']. She's a stick figure. She can't do anything like I can do it." Jeez, intimidated much? After herding all the girls and Sister Patterson into her car for a day of beauty , New York talks with Sunny about Tango. We find out that Tango is good in bed. Not surprising. Also, Sunny reveals that Tango's work led to the demise of their relationship. Again, New York's claws come out. "Sunny told me that Tango was a workaholic and I think, you know what? With you he was. You're not all that good to look at..." There's the New York that we all know and gawk at!
Malay talks a bit about Chance's weed smoking, explaining that since he's in the music industry, it's sort of a job hazard. To this, Sister Patterson gets all anti-drug and nonsensical a la Florrie Fisher: "He needs to smoke that blunt that he so desperately needs. So go smoke your crack, wacko." Lady, you think people smoke crack in blunts. What are you smoking?
Jamie reports that her parents think 12 Pack is gay. It takes a village, you know?
...a gay club! Again, Sister Patterson's fine words do the most justice to the situation: "He is freakin' gay." And, also: "He is an undercover brother that's low down on the down low." He needs that penis he so desperately needs, apparently.
The girls do more gossiping while getting their nails done...
Meanwhile, the guys at home talk about their own history. Chance informs the world that he treats his women, "very motherf***ing good, if you know what I mean" and then gestures just in case we don't know what he means.
Awww, charming. What woman doesn't want a pet snake?
Later that night, New York holds a dinner for the guys and their former girls. She is extremely animated throughout.
12 Pack admits that he had a girlfriend for a few weeks right before coming out to the show. Romance was right! Then, with what appears to be a mouth stuffed full of lettuce, New York asks 12 Pack about his time spent at Feathers...
12 Pack says that just because he danced for gay men, it doesn't make him gay. This is true -- liking it makes him gay. Kidding, kidding. During dinner, New York also chastises Whiteboy for not being up front about the fact that he was in a five-year relationship. She asks Tango about his workaholic tendencies and he says that his relationship with Sunny taught him to overcome them. And yet the relationship still couldn't be salvaged. Maybe he did such a good job of getting over those tendencies that he forgot how to put effort into his relationship?
After dinner, everyone goes outside for some more drinking. Sip on this:
Obviously, VH1 wishes all of its talent the best after their time on its shows, but just one question: when's the last time you heard from Hoopz? And she won! Just sayin'!
Tango mingles a little too closely with Sunny, which infuriates the self-described "jealous-ass woman" that is New York. Thus begins a dance (a tango, even) in which New York pushes Tango away and then acts like everything is fine, while Tango acts like nothing is wrong and then threatens to leave. New York and Tango traverse the entire mansion over the course of this fight . Tango tells New York that she thinks she can talk to anyone however she wants. Well, of course she does, it's gotten her this far. At one point New York tells Tango that he's "faker than pleather, faker than faux fur." The girl knows her textiles. New York pulls out all the stops for her grand finale:
It's the return of the ass! This basically being New York's signature move tells you everything you need to know about New York's problem-solving philosophy.
After the blow-up, New York twists her face up like a Boston terrier and thinks about what just went down.
She realizes that only someone with feelings for her could get this upset. Well duh. Tango has feelings for New York; New York has makeup above her eyes that's an inch deep; Sister Patterson has a fascinating hairline. These things we know.
And then: reconciliation.
New York explains that it was hard watching Tango interact with Sunny. "Watching you watching me wasn't very comfortable, either," counters Tango. But watching him watching her watching him was pretty damn entertaining, you have to admit.
Meanwhile...
...just another normal at Feathers! Whiteboy and Chance are drunk, too. Hmmmm.
Speaking of that, Whiteboy gets on 12 Pack's case for the whole Feathers debacle. "Y'all gay, dawg," says Chance. 12 Pack should respond, "And y'all has no concept of singular and plural," but he doesn't. His issue seems to be not so much that 12 Pack is gay (which, all along, 12 Pack denies, as usual), but that 12 Pack didn't tell him about it. And then Chance calls him a "fruit loop," and you understand why Chance is just in front of Ann Coulter in the line of people that anyone would want to come out to. The gay debate ends unresolved.
Sister P swings by because she's going to tell New York whom she should choose for this week's date . For some reason, Sister P all along thought that she was going to pick out the date this week. This is like when New York came back during Flavor of Love 2 with the idea in her head that she'd decide the elimination. These people are foaming at the mouth for whatever shred of power they can tear from anyone's jugular. Anyway, Sister P assigns Real as New York's date. Here is New York's response:
New York, instead goes with Chance. Their date is to the Chez Cherie cooking school.
One of the dishes the instructor has him make is asparagus wrapped in prosciutto and cheese.
Chance is well versed in such rolling because of all that crack he smokes.
Then, Chance and New York eat and finger sucking ensues.
And if that isn't French enough for you, try this. In an interview, New York says that the meal with Chance had her so turned on that she was ready to "pop and blow up and push it all out at the table right there." Yay! Placenta for dessert!
Just kidding, here's the real dessert:
New York gives Chance some bling for his ears. And here's the realer dessert:
The champagne makes it classy.
Back at home, it's time to decide who goes home. But first, New York comes clean with her mom and tells Sister P that she didn't go out with Real, she went out with Chance. Sister P takes it in stride. Creepy stride: "You look too pretty to spank." Is she hitting on her?
Then, a wild elimination:
Kidding. It's not wild at all. But New York's eyes are! 12 Pack ends up getting the boot because he keeps too many secrets and New York isn't sure that he's there for her.
His exit interview would seem to back this up, as he admits he was there to be on TV. And then, to make sure his is the best exit interview ever, he adds: "My girlfriend was looking good yesterday. I'm gonna go home and bang the s*** out of her." That's 12 Pack for you: always going for the butt!
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AMAZING!!! Whether or not I like Chance, he and New york are totally meant to be. I would be shocked if she did not choose him. I am also glad taht he got sloshed for the dinner, a man after my own heart. Bravo!
Posted by: Amanda | March 07, 2007 at 03:34 PM
i don't bother watching the show anymore. thanks for the updates...
Posted by: lee | March 07, 2007 at 03:42 PM
Awww. I thought Chance knew about rolling because of the weed me smokes. ;)
Posted by: Penny Woods | March 07, 2007 at 04:03 PM
newyork made the right decision by getting rid of 12 pack, but she needs to watch out from chance because i know she going to pick him and he aint gonna do nothing but play her. I KNOW THATS THE TRUTH.
Posted by: tiana fedee | March 07, 2007 at 04:36 PM
THE BETTER PERSON FOR MISS NEW YORK IS CHANCE BECAUSE HE'S NOT GOING TO TAKE HER S**T AND SHE NEEDS TO LET SOFT HEARTED TANGO GO BECAUSE SHE WILL RUN ALL OVER HIM AND HE SEEMS TO BE A GOOD MAN
Posted by: me | March 07, 2007 at 04:50 PM
I can't believe she got rid of 12 pack! He was stuck on himself, but he had a right to be.
Posted by: John | March 07, 2007 at 05:21 PM
I really think that out of all the men I think Tango is a wise choice or real because the rest are toys she can play with those two are not boys they are men.
Posted by: Kisha | March 07, 2007 at 06:18 PM
you go New York, you
ve really go it going on and I am truly enjoying the show more now that ever. Last night I was surprised you let Mr. Boston go but at the same time I was happy. I just Love you and chance together I totally disagree with your mom on chances' brother. I think He's more of your kind of guy. gGo for it girl because you deserve it(Chance) Keep Him because you deserve Him.
Posted by: Carolyn Barnes | March 07, 2007 at 06:28 PM
New York,
I think you really derserve Chance. He's the one for you. Keep Him baby because He's good for you forget what momma say's
Posted by: Carol | March 07, 2007 at 06:32 PM
New York you are the bomb. Keep chance He's the best for you, to keep you happy. He's the only one on your level. Go for the gusto reguardless to what mom say's. You only LIVE once girl.
MCB
Posted by: MCB | March 07, 2007 at 06:35 PM
YOU SHOULD PICK CHANCE AND GET RID OF THAT UGLY TANGO.[EGG HEAD]-TAJ
Posted by: TAJ | March 07, 2007 at 06:52 PM
i think that it was right to eliminate 12 pack because newyork dosen't want to have a boyfriend who gives out lapdances to gay men
Posted by: slim | March 07, 2007 at 07:08 PM
Heh, at always going for the butt
Posted by: Steups | March 07, 2007 at 07:16 PM
12
pack n chance was doing it n 12 pack bed they was sucking each other thing
Posted by: nick | March 07, 2007 at 07:45 PM
I just love how if NY picks either Real or Chance, she is essentially gonna have a train ran on her. So as of this point there is a 50% chance that BOTH of these brothers will formally meet her vagina. "You stay classy, New York!"
Posted by: AmandaBP17 | March 07, 2007 at 07:47 PM
Thank GOD that little faker left! I knew that 12 pack was just for tv and I'm glad she saw through it. Nobody deserves an a**hole like him and I hope he get's what's coming to him.
Other than that, thanks so much for the recap, Rich! You made my week. ^_^
Posted by: Sophie | March 07, 2007 at 09:17 PM
i think newyork the crazy bitch doesn't deserve none
of the guys in the house because look at how she act
dat stupied bitch shows how desprate she is oh my goodness she is so looney real talk im at alost of words for dat smart man looking flat ass sucker.
But to real chance yall some sexy ass niggas both
of yall take my fuckin breath away every time i see
you and please do not get tied up with dat ho.
Posted by: monica | March 07, 2007 at 10:07 PM
What was up with Whiteboy, the hanger and 12 pack's foot? That's what I want to know
Posted by: Devans00 | March 08, 2007 at 12:42 AM
That gif of Chance bouncing in his sweatpants - it's utterly hypnotic. I can't stop staring at it.
Maybe that's what he's talking about. He bounces his junk and the ladies fall into a deep trance, only to awake, months later, shaking their heads and saying to themselves "Where am I? And where did this baby come from?"
Posted by: Messalina 6-5000 | March 08, 2007 at 06:33 AM
Chance rolled that asparagus pretty well... it looked like a fat blunt to me. New York you know aint nothing like some thug love so GO GET YOURS GIRL...you don't need tango's desperately-devoted-to-you ass all clingy and what not i mean he is fine i'd give him a taste but don't keep him around to long he just might propose SCARY thought But GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THAT
Posted by: Mrs. Pollard | March 08, 2007 at 10:35 AM
GET RID OF REAL, HE'S A DORK.
CHANCE IS THE F@CKING MAN.
WHITEBOY IS RESPECTABLE, BUT TOO BORING FOR TV.
AND WHY THE HELL IS TANGO STILL ON THE SHOW?! F*CKING MAMAS BOY.
12-PACK IS DEFINITELY NOT GAY. HE DID IT FOR QUICK CASH.
(NOT ENOUGH, IF YOU ASK ME) BUT HE'S COOL IN MY BOOK.
THE REAL FAG IS TANGO. I THINK HE WEARS STOCKINGS.
YOU FILTHY ANIMAL.
Posted by: MR.SCREAM | March 08, 2007 at 11:39 AM
She needs to get rid of Chance. He's nothing but a skinny wannabe thug. What real woman wants a thug in her life? Tango is a nothing but a big cry baby p*ssy. I've been waiting for him to get the boot. She needs to keep either Whiteboy or Real. Those are her two best choices. But if she doesn't want Whiteboy, I'll take him! :)
Posted by: MWT | March 08, 2007 at 12:25 PM
what's jukin this ya girl niecy i think you should pick chance or real because they are realer than ever their comments are even real............ Ballin
Posted by: Niecy | March 08, 2007 at 01:24 PM
I really think that New York should be with Tango cause he is real with her and I believe that he really cares about her. Ain't that what she wanted, for somebody to be love and be devoted to her? Ain't nothin wrong with a man who is a little sensitive, that just means that he's real.
Posted by: chocolate | March 08, 2007 at 04:01 PM
If you want a lot of arguing and game playing with some violent sex, pick Chance. If you want a real relationship with a decent honest Man that will treat you good and be there for you during and after the Fame, choose Tango. He seems to be a Good Guy and Chance is a Bad guy that may break your heart.
Posted by: WMC | March 08, 2007 at 04:45 PM