It's down to the King of the 'Burbs and White Rapper's ambassador from the South:

Who will reign supreme? The anticipation must be killing you...the show aired days ago!

For the last time (for a while, at least, sniff sniff), this show begins where the last one left off. $ham and John Brown travel back from Detroit to the Bronx . Once in the White House, the two recollect their journey from the first episode till now.

These cats don't talk enough smack to make reiterating what they say worthwhile. Damn nice people.

$ham and John Brown soon get word that they're about to be cut. Not like that. (Or like that, pervert.) Like this:

Hair is courtesy of Ralphie the barber, who puts the men at ease with gentle banter as he shapes their domes.

Dude is yawning. You can't tell he's excited?

After the boys' hair is did, Serch comes in, swinging his arms and screaming, "It is not a game!"

Aren't you going to miss that? He didn't do it nearly enough. Serch is there to tell the guys that to prepare for the final challenge, they'll perform at Rucker Park , which is famous for its basketball and hip-hop associations alike. Serch brings in a very special guest to explain the significance of Rucker Park...

It's the King of the Carbs. Just kidding -- Fat Joe is looking decidedly not-so-fat. Will he get to the point where he has to change his name? He tells the guys that Rucker is crucial for cred. "You hot in the Rucker, you hot in the whole city." Good to know. He talks to the guys about where they came up and when he finds out that $hamrock is from Atlanta, Fat Joe notes that the South is really hot right now. Thank you, Fat Joe. We've all been deaf and blind for the past five years. Now please explain to us this MySpace phenomenon that has the kids so rapt.

Fat Joe takes his sage wisdom and leaves. It's time for the guys to hit the court. They're both nervous.

Um, do think about it because things sort of fall apart, at least for $ham. Soon after stepping on stage (or on court, really) he gets cold cocked with Murphy's Law when his mic doesn't work as he tries to perform for the crowd.

And then, once the mic is replaced and he's spitting for the crowd, his grill falls out of place and almost chokes him.

Grrr! He looks like a nurse shark. Still, John Brown and $ham hold it down with their respective 16's. The whole performance isn't nearly as embarrassing as it could have been. Despite or, perhaps, because of that, Serch gives them some constructive feedback back at the White House. He makes fun of $ham's runaway grill...

He looks like a great white. He also makes fun of John Brown's visible nervousness. John Brown shakes like he's Katherine Hepburn on the mic! Finally, Serch gives them beats for which their final challenge will be built around. They are to work on two tracks -- a single, 16-bar thing and a fully fleshed out song. He leaves them to their work...

...only to return soon after with a surprise. People! From their past...or, uh, something.

$ham is thrilled to see Black Josh, who's his best friend and a huge supporter of his career in music. John Brown, on the other hand, isn't so jazzed. $ham says that when he first saw John Brown's friend, he looked kind of crazy, "like a fashion designer or model or somethin'." Somethin', indeed.

That "um…" hangs in the air for the entire duration of Blaise's visit.

Um...

While $ham and Black Josh skip through the house, Bart-and-Milhouse style, things are still and incredibly awkward between John Brown and Blaise. It's as though there's something we're not being told. Something...um...

At one point, Blaise notes, "This place is way surreal. I'm like where am I?" Um...

John Brown says he's disappointed that they didn't send someone from his company or crew or whatever it is, Ghetto Revival. Well, it's an explanation, at least. Um...

Soon Black Josh and Blaise must leave. Blaise, I swear. This gives John Brown and $ham the opportunity to work on their final rhymes. As they prepare for the last challenge, we see interview footage of John Brown calling himself the "greatest white rapper of all time." Not according to some people!

The guys set off for the venue of their final destination.

They didn't almost call this show Devil Factory for nothing! This time around, Serch will have some help in making his final call:

From left to right, that's Prince Paul, Clinton Sparks, Dante Ross. They're all producers. And now you know.

John Brown and $ham go back and forth.

John spits his 16.

Notable couplet: "I'm on some King of the 'Burbs s****/The kid's a problem. Hallelujah holla back." Would it be a John Brown rap if he didn't say that?

Then $ham does his 16.

Notable couplet: "What 'chu know about focus? / Do you know what growth is?" Just tying everything he's done on the show together!

Then John Brown does his full song, "Car Wars," a socially conscious track about suburban economics.

John Brown manages to make a fairly coherent statement in the 11th hour. Who saw that coming?

Then $ham does his track, "Fly Away," which is maybe a bit more standard in content than "Car Wars," but undoubtedly charismatic.

After the performances, the judges have a big decision to make. The positive content in John Brown's track is mentioned, but was "Car Wars" too high in concept for such a venue? $ham's run-of-the-mill sentiment is attacked, but did he make "Fly Away" his own? And is his grill an asset or a debit? And what the hell does "Hallelujah holla back" mean, once and for all? OK, so that last question is never breached, but really: what the hell does "Hallelujah holla back" mean?

In the end, as we all know, it's $ham who's named the winner . Upon hearing the news, he gets to weak in the knees he can hardly speak.

But yay, look at how happy he is!

John Brown, for what it's worth, takes defeat graciously. He says he's not sure if the best MC won because they both are so different, but he's sure that $ham will be a great rapper. Serch asks $hamrock what he's going to spend his $100,000 prize on, and $ham says that he'll help out his family and pay back Black Josh for the rent he owes. What a sweetheart.

And so ends the first season of Ego Trip's The White Rapper Show. To try out for the second season, please leave lyrics to one of your raps in the comments section. Just kidding -- that's not really how you try out. But we know you'll do it anyway.

Comments

[jca]

Hell yes.

[jca]

Reading these blogs is the part I'm going to miss most about this show.

[Keisha]

Awww, I don't have any white rappers to laugh at today! What will I do?!

Lol, but really, I was hoping some idiots had really posted some lyrics to try out. Damn damn damn!!!

Great job, Rich. Can't wait til the ANTM recaps go up so I can laugh at them w/o having to watch that show.

[darrell]

are y'all going to do a john brown interview...y'all pretty much iterviewed everybody else

[choas]

i can rap better than any of them

[Justin]

Put me on the next one, I'll kill it

[Susan]

Great job, Rich.

I was a bit disturbed by what one of the judges said (I forget who, sorry, I was hoping you'd bring it up) - he said that lyrics weren't that important these days, when the lyrics of John Brown were brought up. May be true, but should we accept that mediocrity? I liked that he tried to bring some social/political message into his rhymes. That's the way rap used to be.

Sorry, I have no rap, I'm a white girl, but no rapper!

[juliet]

"Blaise, I swear." HAHAHAHA!

[Monique Boatwright]

hey this message is for the best $HAMROCK!!!!! I new u would make it from the start, Persia was on ya ass but I see that u pulled it off. I watched the episode from start to finish and the way u rap was dangerous,its ya style that got everyone feelin u right now....i love the way u rap and talk its very unique....i wish u all the luck in the future and hope u spend the money well.....i'll look u up on myspace and hopefully we can become friends......take care of ya self

[Matt]

Nice SWV reference on that next to last pic, Rich.

Sham won out for being the most likeable. JB came on strong with his rap game at the end, but it wasn't enough to overcome his nonsensical self-promotion. Props to Sham for consistently performing and being in it for the right reasons.

[Patty]

Rich,
Big huge honkin' props to you for these blogs. They were the best part of the show...well, that and $hamrock winning the 100g's.

[U.N.O]

U.N.O
THATS ME
CAUSE U ALREADY KNOW
THAT THE WHITE MC WASNT ON THE SHOW
THAT MULTI CANDY COATED N,I.GA MADE BREAD AND DRWONED
THEN SOME PEOPLE FRWONED
BUT NO ONE REALLY STEPPED UP
AND GOT CROWNED
SPITTIN ON TOPIC OR Q
NONE OF THEM COULD DO
NOW THATS HOW RAPPERS MAKE THERE NAME DUDE
FUGAZEY ASS CRACKERS
TRYIN WAY TO HARD TA GET UR GGHETTO PASS
AND SERCH THE TEACHER OF THE CLASS?
HOW COME I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO ENLIST
ARMYS GOT A 800 NUMBER
SHOW ME SO I CAN PISS
THATS WHAT ILL DO TO ANY OF U
PISS ON ALL UR SHI CAUSE UR 16 BARS WRITTEN COULDNT EVEN BEGIN TO TEST MY rule
CAUSE I DONT PUT THE PEN TO THE PAD I KEEP THESE NOTES IN MY STASH
SEE WHAT UR SPITTIN
SO I CAN DO LIKE WEEZEY
AND TAKE OUT THE TRASH
U HEARD ME

[Carly]

Line I would've used if I were $ham?

"J-Brown's got a future at McDonald's
But he can't make this $hamrock $hake"

Yeah, I know.

[Jaladon Bronx NYC]

Homie let's get serious
king of the burbs?
100 proof of garbage,
slurring his words,
if persia didnt have a heart attack,
she would have crushed u birds,
got the block at my finger tip,
homie i bust mine,
never on some singer sh!!t,
u hear me jus rhyme,
u was never a soldier,
ur a good fake,
if i didnt kno any better,
we would have thought u was jake,
the whole show was a joke,
sham u rocked those suckas,
holla at ya boy jaladon the hustla.
Bronx NYC

[U1N1O]

IM SO TIGHTER THAN ANY OF YALL
LETS DO A BATTLE
HOW BOUT IT
ONLY WHITE RAPPERS THOUGH
IM TRYIN TO GET ON THE SHOW
USE ANYTHING U GOT WRITTEN
IM COMING WITH STRAIGHT FREESTYLE FIRE
THEY COULDNT FREESTYLE AT THE RADIO STATION
THAT WASNT A SHOW PUT ME ON AND IM THE SHOW

[The Werm]

my eyes are straight rojo so i take a shot of saki
walk into a dojo and challenge MR. MIAGI
just in a game of hand to hand
he said... you don't want none
and my number one student's name's dan
i was like damn
i gotta bob and weave like I'm RIMPLE STILTS CAN
as the fight be gans im makin moves like mcgyver
he's expecting the change up
so i throw a straight slider
ARYUKEN

[Bad Boy Bill]

MC Serch is a fraud! His raps have always been weak. Eminem puts him to shame. MC Serch need to do like Pete Nice and call it quits! Give it up Serch. I also didn't like the way he tried to punk Dasit. I'm glad Dasit told him off on national t.v. because Serch is trying to put himself on the same level as Kurtis Blow and Grandmaster Flash and that is a joke! Kurtis Blow was out in 1983 and 3rd Bass was out in about 1991. That's a long stretch. Serch is not a founder! Give it up fat boy! Dasit should have opened up a can of whoopass on you. You should do a show on Jewish rappers because that is what you are and leave the white rapper show to traditional white folks. All you are doing is fueling a fire between white rappers and one of these days it's going to get so bad that someone is going to get shot. Hip Hop is about doing your thing. My suggestion to all white rappers is to put your music out there and watch it sell. Forget about competitions where you will be stigmatized and labeled as white. Just sell your records and laugh all the way to the bank. Serch is the Clarence Thomas for white rappers.

[DBO]

O my I finally watched to last episode of White Rapper and can sumone please tell me where I can find John Brown & his ""BOYFRIEND UM??"" ((BLAISE)) in brooklyn because I think their is a love connection......did u really listen to Blaise speak like O my god this is so surreal, LOL that is so GAY hit me up where their at in BK because i wanna get sum of Blaise too, 1 Love

[kristina]

if my husband was on this show he wouldve shot all them dudes out the water like they did in D-town then he wouldve punked them dudes in D-town too.my man is way colder then any of them dudes.

[Baller On A Budget]

Check out some of my flows. Quality could be better but I am on a budget.
www.freewebs.com/balleronabudget

[U1N1O]

I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHIT
I PUT OUT AN OFFER
NOBODY STEPPED UP
THERE AINT A WHITE RAPPER IN HERE WILLIN TO GO FIST TO CUFFS
BUNCH OF CHUMPS
TALKIN LIKE PAPPOOSE
I BANG MY HEAT BUT DONT GET STOMPPED IN THE STREET
ITS ALL ABOUT MAKING A NAME
NRINGING THE SAME
INDVIDUALIZING UR OWN GAME
I KKEEP THAT INTENSITY
THAT WILLINESS TO POP OFF AT THE DROP OF A HAT
WOULD HAVE SAID DIME BUT THAT WOULD MEAN RAAT
THOSE KIND OF BAMAS CATCH A HOT ONE
MAYBE 2
BUT UKNOW WITH THE KIND OF HEAT I GOT
BELEAVE ME WELL MAKE OUR WAY THROUGH
FREESTYLIN ISNT SOMETHING I DO ITS SOMETING WE DO
U1N1O

[U1N1O]

this white rapper show
makin me run up hills for 100,000 yo
i see on survivor they get a mil
and they on an island
not in the bronx facing some steal
is this some kind of meal
u know ticket
am i gettin a contract deal for being explict
and actin like depicted words ive seen in THE DISTRICT
im some what maticulos
when it comes to battlin
they ridculos, i murder em
u aint gotta white rapper that can see me from a mile away
so imagine if im close
the salt on they cracker come out that day
in other words they sweating when ray comes around they way
cause this whole competition and shit forreal if 3 rappers aint listenin
cause they intrest is still
influential to the mils
people that make the deals
fans
the ones that buys the cds man
u think i think this rap gonna get me something
probably not but i heard the myspace jams and they aint thumpin
what made them eligible for the competition
couple senators sons
and some payments for listenin
u MC is pissin
out here on a mic and i aint spittin
u aint never gonna be tight
i know i know i know u heard that ur whole life
but i aint ur daddy i just banged his wife
this aint anger or jealousy
its more or less
a few words that show respect is flvor for kool aid
without the flavor the sugar and water dont mix
so u aint sweet
u just rap some what
so mine as well QUIT

[U1N1O]

we got a celebrity
kirstina isnt her name thats britney spears still tryin to sell Kevin Fedbettermimes cd
cause u know she says her mans got flow
and how else they gonna support them ugly ass kids
hey kristina i know u hear me tell ur
hubby kafetti to step up and get his mic skills tested
thats goes for all yall
what yall wanna do
use written im freestylin the whole time though
whats happening
U1N1O

[ANT]

JOHN BROWN HAD BEST LYRICS.SHAMROCK WAS GOOD BUT NOT THE BEST.PERSIA USED THE SAME LINES IN EVERY SHOW GARBAGE.

[L. E. Font]

goddamn yall... making me grab a mic just to let these fools know,
the dudes flow
can manifest a room full of nude hos
right before your eyes.
get your death rights, right before you die.
son you drawn to the white light.
easily bored with guys
who think they sort of sly.
man im fortified,
and understanbly L.E. stay the number one
lyrical genius fast as a flash
these cats is cumbersome
thats it. always the last kid standing.
the font
giving the masses what they want
from here to the moon like ralph cramden