Precious memories...
At the top of the episode, the guys find out that they're being given the task of entertaining some of New York's "female friends." 12 Pack gets himself pretty...
He looks awfully comfortable with that compact, right? Also: what the hell is he doing? Plucking his bangs?
Otherwise, the guys wonder what New York's female friends could be like.
Do you really think that New York hangs out with Lil' Kim?
When it's time to reveal exactly what the hell she was talking about, New York addresses the boys in an outfit that can be described as pregnant-prom chic.
That outfit looks incomplete without a bump.
Anyway, the boys soon find out that they'll be entertaining...
...children! This should be terrifying.
New York explains in a voice over that she's throwing this "princess party" 
to determine who of her potential suitors will make for the best dad. What if he has a son?
New York dips out to go shopping with Chamo (and, if what we'll see in a few is any indication, their primary shopping focus is the Big and Gawdy Woman's Wig Shack). She's leaving the guys to fend for themselves. Almost instantly, chaos breaks out:
"I don't know what the hell just happened here. I'm feelin' bad. We just got attacked by Oompa Loompas," explains Chance. Too bad they didn't roll anyone down a chute. Coulda been fun! Also: isn't Willy Wonka generally under the pop-culture radar of a thug? That's some children's-film literacy Chance is sporting. Could this mean that he has a...secret?!?
12 Pack asks the girls, "Who wants to put makeup on Uncle 12 Pack?" Well, more makeup, really.
12 Pack says that he expected his good looks to win over the girls, but their makeover kinda just made him scary.
That is a mess of poetic justice smeared all over him. Meanwhile, Mr. Boston dons a princess dress and sticks his face in a cake for the entertainment of the girls.
He probably just could have done what he does best, i.e. pick his nose, and the kids would have been just as entertained. But whatever!
While Tango allows some makeup to be applied to his face in a fairly admirable instance security with his masculinity...
...Whiteboy and Real, just sort of sit on the sidelines and wait for this to be over. They may lose the challenge, but that's better than having your face painted by children and then losing the challenge, you know?
Chance isn't as cool as his brother and Whiteboy. "These kids are terrorists. I got attacked by cupcakes, lollipops...they takin' they teeth out, throwin' missin' teeth. I mean, whatever they can get their hands on!" If those kids were really throwing teeth, we have nothing to worry about, as far as the future of the human race goes: clearly these young kids know exactly what it is to be resourceful. They could only impress more if they threw mulch.
Soon, it's all over and New York comes back to ask the girls which guy they liked best. No one likes Real and Whiteboy is deemed "retarded." Whatever, he could still be a good dad if that's the case. Haven't these kids seen I Am Sam? The girls don't like 12 Pack for one specific reason:
Ha! He thinks he's so hot, too. You know when kids tell you about yourself, you need to listen, too. No filters on those.
They like Tango, but not Chance. They like Boston, too.
At some point, New York offers commentary wearing a wig we've never seen before. This is, perhaps, her impression of the variety-show era Cher:
Also, has New York ever looked more like her mother? It's more than just a hairline...
In the end, Boston wins his "first date with a black woman." We know this because he points it out.
New York is still wearing that damn tiara. In a voice over, Boston says that he's concentrating on talking about New York and not himself because chicks don't like that. Some less than others. This show doesn't have her name in its title for nothing!
Boston and New York take a spin on a horse-drawn carriage...
Boston says something that makes New York crack up...
Since you can't see Boston in that shot, doesn't it look like New York is extremely broad and dressed in one of those half-man/half-woman costumes? She could totally date herself if things don't work out with the guy she picks this season.
Then New York and Boston dine by a harpist by the water...
Joanna Newsom's all, "Being an indie-goddess just doesn't pay the bills. And so, I turn to reality TV..."
Back at the house, Sister Patterson arrives. She gives the boys a task: to make her a multi-course meal in an hour. Each guy will handle a different dish. Sister P gives them cards detailing what they are to make and says, "Look it over. Get it right. Make it taste good." Sister P is a hard-ass and all, but this is a case of giving your nose an impossible challenge to spite your face. The task is constructed so that the guys will have trouble making everything within the time limit. Why impose corner-cutting on a meal directed at your taste buds?
Still, 12 Pack provides a head-scratcher: "Considering that it takes 50 minutes to cook the rice and I have about an hour to do it, there's no chance my rice is going to be cooked the way it should be." Uh, why? That would give you 10 extra minutes to pluck your bangs or put on rouge or something.
Also notable is the fact that Sister P is wearing boots. New York may have picked them up at the store next to the Wig Shack: Loose Ladies' Heels.
Sister Patterson only gets more fascinating as the show goes on, doesn't she?
The boys finish making their food, and Sister P shows that she has class to go along with her boots.
She spits out Tango's lobster...
...and 12 Pack's rice...
...and Chance's cake, which, by the way, he put his "heart, balls and soul" into making. Can you blame her for spitting it out, then?
Sister P questions Chance's child-rearing capabilities. This hits close to home as, it emerges, that he has a child...at home! Chance says he has a boy and that right now, he feels like he should be with him.
Just now you feel that way, Chance? Not during the entire process of making it onto a reality show and then taking part? Chance storms out, threatening to leave the house. Sister Patterson finds this hilarious, of course.
Meanwhile, New York and Boston continue their heavily romantic date by feeing each other breath strips. Kinky.
They kiss a lot. At some point, New York says, "I am nowhere near sick of you. I'm not tired of you." She's so sweet, it's disgusting. That sentiment is going on next year's valentines. New York talks about how much she likes Boston and...
...there's that wig again!
When Boston and New York arrive home, she wants to go into the jacuzzi with him immediately. Boston is so trembling with excitement, he can't even pick his nose. Their plans are thwarted by Chance's dramatics, however. Here's where things start to feel like a boarding school for tween girls. After Chance left the table after his big reveal, Tango said that if he had a kid, he wouldn't be on the show. Whiteboy then tells Chance this information and Chance, in turn, confronts Tango.
Adding to the school-ishness of it all is the fact that during the argument, Tango gestures with what could be a pair of gym shorts or perhaps a cheerleader uniform:
New York eventually catches wind of this and breaks things up.
Chance decides not to leave. Shocker. All of this takes New York away from Boston and their hot-tub rendezvous remains unrealized.
The next day, the boys find out that they're going to be heading to a boxing gym to beat each other up with padding. Mr. Boston predicts how things will go down: "I think there's definitely a chance that I may just take a shot at Chance's balls." Enough about Chance's balls already! Also: nice pun. Bet no one's done the "chance"/"Chance" thing before or since!
12 Pack prepares for the gym...
Why?
At the gym, New York wears gloves, although she unfortunately never steps into the ring.
The matches go like this:
They kind of just smack each other around with no real discernible winner. Then comes what we've all been waiting for, to hear Boston tell it:
Boston barely gets a shot in before he ends up like this:
He should have worn his bow tie. It would have at least sopped up the blood.
At home, Chance offers what seems at first to be an apology to Mr. Boston, but turns out to just be gloating.
Nice guy, that Chance.
New York knows that she has a tough decision to make, and she'll be doing so in this episode's star wig:
What is that exactly? The Teena Marie? The Wendy and/or Lisa? The Sheila E circa "The Belle of St. Mark"? The Rick James? The real treat, of course, will be when New York gets around to referencing Patti LaBelle via her hair. Let's hope she goes with '80s-era Patti!
At elimination, Boston proves how savory of a lover he is with his most thorough nose-picking yet. He even debuts his special, two-finger move:
He maybe eats his findings...
...and is otherwise extremely invested...
Shockingly, New York sends him home. She apparently knew she wouldn't end up with him and is essentially putting him out of his misery. But not before a make-out session in front of all of the guys.
The guys watch on dumbfounded as she and Boston smack and slurp. It's seriously gruesome.
And so, Boston leaves...
...he says that had New York slept with him, she would have realized how good Boston guys are in bed and kept him around. Sucks that this must be left to our imagination! Coulda been a fun listen...
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d834515b6369e200e5508d0d358834
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference I Love New York Recap - Episode 6 - Boxing Boston:
A nose-picking socially awkward white boy with a twitch - I'm just grateful he made it this far!
Posted by: Sarah | February 22, 2007 at 12:28 PM
How could she get rid of him!! Mr. Boston was one of the nice ones.
Posted by: Sandy | February 22, 2007 at 12:33 PM
I love your recaps and wait for them every week but, really, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate factory does come on in the hood too. We have the same cable channels as anybody else, even if it is through the "hook-up".
Posted by: Me | February 22, 2007 at 12:36 PM
"Boston is so trembling with excitement, he can't even pick his nose." LOL!
Posted by: Michele | February 22, 2007 at 12:49 PM
iwant to help new york with the man?
Posted by: sade | February 22, 2007 at 12:56 PM
I hear ya, Me. I more meant that the Willy Wonka was an unlikely reference for a tough-guy, not necessarily a hood guy. I can see how my wording confused you, though.
Posted by: Rich | February 22, 2007 at 01:25 PM
Ok, thanks for clearing that up. I got you! I'll be back next week. And I can't wait for your recaps of ANTM!
Posted by: Me | February 22, 2007 at 01:47 PM
SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEST NEW YORK FOR HIV OR MONO SHE IS SO NASTY SLOB'N DOWN ALL THEM GUYS AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT IS GETTING SICK TO MY STOMACH
Posted by: Denitra Reed | February 22, 2007 at 02:01 PM
I think sister patterson's a TOTAL DISGRACE to all christians, mothers and she/hes.
Posted by: pambam | February 22, 2007 at 02:07 PM
i knew she was ahe!
Posted by: DR | February 22, 2007 at 02:17 PM
I love whiteboy,chance and real I think they're all really cool if I had to pick for myself it would have to be whiteboy and thats what I like sweet vanilla yeap, yeap I like it all but vanilla and chockl8t is a nice combination
Posted by: ash | February 22, 2007 at 02:39 PM
I love whiteboy,chance and real I think they're all really cool if I had to pick for myself it would have to be whiteboy and thats what I like sweet vanilla yeap, yeap I like it all but vanilla and chockl8t is a nice combination
Posted by: ash | February 22, 2007 at 02:47 PM
boston is a fag send him out of there he's gay and white!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: kellsie | February 22, 2007 at 03:56 PM
man boston is so gay it's hilarious send his ass packen go for chance girl he is hella fine!!!!!
Posted by: sexy black chick101 | February 22, 2007 at 03:59 PM
I must be seeing things because I actually thought Boston was kinda cute in a couple of those stills; and that NY was kinda cute in the last wig.
Hmmm...
Posted by: trick please | February 22, 2007 at 05:50 PM
i really love u show it was really fun whn mrs. boston was on there but it even gooder cause chance on there he is jst like u where on flavor flavor
Posted by: chaquita | February 22, 2007 at 06:07 PM
is it just me or is new york looking more and more like janice from the muppets all the time? in your first pic of her with the cher wig she's a dead ringer, right down to the impenetrable eye slits covered with blue eyeshadow. hot!
Posted by: svrb | February 22, 2007 at 08:02 PM
loving the mp3's
Great recap...
Posted by: Steups | February 22, 2007 at 08:02 PM
YEAH, I KINDA HATE THAT SHE LET MR. BOSTON GO BEACAUSE HE IS WHAT KEPT THE SHOW GOING AND MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH ALL THE TIME. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU THOUGH, SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! MR. BOSTON WAS JUST NOT HER TYPE..
Posted by: LIL MISS KNIGHT | February 22, 2007 at 08:44 PM
I Love u new york u r the best !!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Ovenis | February 22, 2007 at 11:03 PM
damn she suck the bugers down too, well if you think about it. i love tango and chance
Posted by: lakisha | February 22, 2007 at 11:38 PM
sENDIN LOVE TO MY GIRL NEW YORK & HER MOTHER. MR.BOSTON,LOL THANK THE LORD HE IS GONE. THE NEXT ONE THAT NEEDS TO GO ID CHANCE.WHY YOU STILL HAVE HIM THERE HE IS A FOOL.LOVE THE SHOW. HOLLA AT YA GIRL
Posted by: missy | February 23, 2007 at 12:41 AM
mew york is a bitch
Posted by: jasmin | February 23, 2007 at 06:20 AM
i really love this show.......it is hilarious and this episode almost made me pee my pants.....lol...............but i really wanted mr boston to put a sock in chance cause he always picking on mr boston...so this could have been a way for mr. boston to get back at chance, but he failed me..he didnt even hit chance once,,,,,and chance look like such a wimp in that ring....i know i would have made chance look bad in that ring and im jus a girl...
i really love this show but i think that the last man standing will choose not to be with new york because of the way she carries herself during the show....i mean if she wants to kiss a guy then please do it in pprivate, no man will want to c their girl kissing other men like that....please new york tone it down or u'll end up getting hurt again....
Posted by: D Hamilton | February 23, 2007 at 08:44 AM
God, I LOVE New York, she makes me proud to be a pro-sex feminist. With that being said, I understand that Mr. Boston had to go (I have F-ed guys from Boston, and it ain't taht different from anywhere else, except that they yell "yankees suck" when they cum and pour baked beans on you when your are done), but he was so funny. In the end i have to tell myslef that this is about New York finding her man and not us watching the funniest guys in the world (if taht was teh case Romance should have stayed, what a loon). So adios Boston, but may i be the first to request a "I love Mr. Boston" series, hilarious.
Posted by: Amanda | February 23, 2007 at 09:38 AM