Despite what it looks like, no animals were harmed in the making of this TV show.

Humans, however, are an entirely different matter...

This episode starts off crappy . Literally. Brooke and Linda ride in a huge limo with a few of their dogs and one of them decides to unleash, as it were, right there. It's pretty courteous, however, that the dog decides to do its thing on some paper that's on the floor.

Brooke and Linda complain. Blahblahblah, poop smells. That's life. The ordeal turns into something of a comedy of errors when Linda is squirted by the hose of a man they pass watering his lawn. See, the windows in the limo are open to rid the car of its doggy stench, which gives the prankster an open shot of the Hogans. Being hosed off makes the female Hogans pissed off, if you can imagine.

Brooke has the driver stop the car so she can get out and yell at the man with the hose in his hand. "Do you think that's nice to do to two ladies in a limo?" Haha, Brooke just called herself a lady. She's 18! And really, he wasn't going for nice. After Brooke sashays back toward the limo, a cop car rounds the corner. Linda gleefully reports what happened and the cop seems to respond. This makes the Ladies Hogan ever so happy.

There really never is a cop around when something like this comes up, so you can understand their glee.

The ladies arrive home and tell Terry about what happened. He wants to crush the dude that dared to squirt his ladies, but Brooke assures him that she "took care of him." "I verbally lashed him out," she says. And with such cunning linguistics! Then, we get to the real meat of the episode: dog meat. Well, just dogs, really, but wouldn't it be exciting if the Hogans decided to start eating their pets? Anyway, said pets are out of sorts, maybe because of the move from Clearwater to Miami. A montage of dog antics ensues. Included are examples of inopportune excrement, finicky eating and furniture destroying.

Then: something terrible. Terry's yellow frog that is apparently kept in a jug in the kitchen jumps into a bucket of ammonia nearby. He, obviously dies. Terry's really broken up about this.

OK, so maybe there were animals harmed in the making of this TV show. Linda storms out because she can't deal. When we next see her, she's come back from the grocery store. Ah, shopping therapy. She says that someone she met in the store told her about this place called Dog Bar, which is a spa and boutique for dogs. Society just keeps on progressing. Dog Bar, apparently, offers classes in "doggy yoga." Linda, apparently, thinks this is a worthwhile endeavor so she rounds up her family and her 500,000 dogs and takes them for some yoga.

The yoga is instructed by this woman:

She informs the Hogans that doggy yoga will help the dogs release their tension. And seriously, after their 60-hour work weeks, dogs have a lot of tension to release. Margot shows the Hogans some moves to try with their dogs...

This, she says, will help the dogs "release their spine." Uh, don't they need their spines?

Apparently, acting like a 7-year-old and doing a seated dance with your dog qualifies as "yoga." Little girls have been releasing their dogs' tension for hundreds of years, they just didn't know it. Ultimately, Linda concludes that yoga isn't for her or her dogs. A shocking twist!

Then, Linda gets a massage and, while on the slab, tells her masseuse of her canine calamity.

The masseuse informs her that there's such thing as massage for dogs. Of course there is. This, says the masseuse, may help relieve the stress the dogs are feeling from the move.

Linda calls and arranges for the dog masseuse to come over.

Bonny leads Linda in some rubbing. Exposed animal penises ensue.

Oh yeah, like we were really going to take a screen shot of that. Pervert!

After Bonny leaves with the viewers' dignity, Terry has a run-in with one of the Hogans' birds.

Things just keep getting worse for the Hogans and their dealing with animals . What's next, chicken pox? Mad cow disease? Chiggers?

Linda decides to nip the pet problem in the bud once and for all by calling...a pet psychic.

This woman dangles a crystal on a string (a "pendulum") over some circular cardboard and, apparently from that, can look into the previous lives of the Hogans' animals. Seriously. Nothing that she says has anything to do with the dogs' current behavior, but no one seems to mind. When asked about the dog Molly, the psychic says that Brooke knew her in a previous life, when Brooke was a young boy in Italy. Here's Nick's reaction and it should be yours, too:

Nick leaves the room and goes upstairs to get on the intercom to pretend that he's the spirit of Molly (or maybe another dog, Muscles -- it's hard to tell). The psychic is not amused. Then she makes Linda cry when Linda asks about Foxy, who's apparently getting up there in years. The psychic makes reference to Foxy's imminent death. Nice!

Linda says something about Foxy being her "soul mate." Suddenly the psychic doesn't seem so weird at all.

After the psychic leaves, Linda seems satisfied with what went on. She refers to the psychic as a "psychologist." If she's a psychologist, then the poop at the beginning of the episode was chocolate. The episode ends with some back-and-forth joking between Terry and Linda. Terry makes a "doggy style" joke and that's it. A classy end for a classy season of Hogan Knows Best. However will they top it?

Comments

[SAMANTHA HERNANDEZ]

BROKE DO YOU LIKE DOGS OR CATS

[randall]

honestly i don't know how hulk pulls this fans out of his ass!. hulk's a dinosaur of sorts!.

[jennifer]

yo wtf is itwith all u ppl hating im!?!?! i love him he is sooo sweet and brooke and nick are awesome too ur all jealous of them do jump off .. have anice day =]

[MR.SCREAM]

THE ONLY REASON I EVEN TUNE-IN TO THIS STUPID SHOW

IS TO WATCH TERRI AND BROOK WALK ABOUT, DOING NOTHING.

(SEXY ASSES, BOTH OF YOU!)

IN FACT, VH1 SHOULD JUST KICK THE HULK AND HIS SON OFF THE SHOW.

SORRY HULK.

[Samantha Casella]

Hello Hogans,
Everyone makes fun of me because I am such a big fan!I would love to meet you guys and was wondering if any of you had anything planned in June.(Promotions etc. where the public could meet you? My boyfriend and I will be in Miami going on a cruise and I hope to get lucky enough to meet the famous "Hogans"!This is the only way I have found to contact any of you.Hopefully I will hear something back and get to meet you in the summer!
Samantha Casella

[Heather]

hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
this is CRAZY LADY

[Maria]

whatz up my hommies!!!

[Jasmine]

Nick needs a job. Wow reality check Hulk says wife spends to much money send her to a mission program in africa that will change. Brooke works well with daddys help but its a start. Your fans made you... show some respect. I know Hulk your head has swollen but you came from fans. You think money makes you better try real reality in dafur where children starve and no such thing as a dog. The only whine that should be heard in that house is thanking the lord for all the blessings you have. Nick get a job not from daddy either.

[Rebecca Powell]

this show rocks it's the best ever. Keep going

[Frances Allen]

Hey Hogan Crew!!!!!!!

Frances here from Nashville just dropping in to say you guys are the best and if there was any celebrity I would ever like to have a day with it would have to be LINDA. Girl, you are just like me when it comes to animals (and no I'm not some single crazy cat lady) ha ha I have two dogs and they are my world, since I have no children and I think your passion for your animals shows what kind of person you are. You know I've always looked at the wealthy as snooty, stuck up, and no reguards for the working class but your family is just so down to earth. So I want to thank you guys for putting that terrible scenerio of the weathly out of my head. SO Linda we should do a spa day the next time I'm in Miami or if you ever visit Nashville let's make a girl day. Brooke and Nick I wish you both much success in anything and everything you do. And Terry just stay the way you are. Hopefully, one day God will put a man in my life just like you. Thanks for your time, Frances Allen

[Elisa]

I have to agree with Ms. Frances Allen. I grew up watching the Hulkster and I have to say that I am so impressed with how down to earth everyone in the family is. Strong marital and family values. You care very much for each other, your children, and all of your animals. It's been a pleasure to watch you, thank you!
Goodluck to Brooke, she's talented as well as beautiful. Nick, keep up with the racing you have natural talent. (be careful)
Hope to see more of you

[Jessica]

Hey Hogam Family i LOVE your shows!!

[Monica]

I really hope there will be a Season 4. My husband and I love this show. It goes to show you that even famous people are normal and do have family values. They have problems just like we do.

[chris lenhauser]

hulk i have been a fan of yours since you defeated the iron shiek i bought your dvd set me and my handicapped son watch them all day long on my days ialso have all hogan know s best shows on video tape . ihave your red cap and bandanna yeleow and red tee shirt red and yellow tee shirt also .ilove your show .

[Michaela (melody)]

hey.. i absolutly am attached to your show since i hert my knee because ive had 2 have time of skl and so on, now im just hoping my operation will keep me of skl so i can watch your show lol. are use ever going 2 b coming to london for a signing or is brooke going to be doing a concert here because i'd love to come and get an autograph once im up and about walking again...thnx...x

[Rachel from Gateway Int'l Raceway]

Hello,
I had the pleasure of meeting Hulk Hogan this weekend. He along with his son & wife were in IL. They were shooting a little for their new season. He is a very quiet person. I was just blessed to be able to say hello and point them in the right direction. I didn't bother him for an autograph or a photo. I hope you enjoyed yourself Hulk ! It was a pleasure to meet you!

[XcharliiiieX]

Omg does anyone know what type of dog the Hogans dog Cookie Monster is??

[Lily & Stephanie]

Hi,Hogan family. I would like 2 say that we love your show, Mr.Hogan u r the best dad and friend to the family, I like the way u handle the family issues with so much love and care. I feel part of the family just watching you. Maybe on your next vacation u guys can visit Puerto Rico. Keep up the great job!!
Lily & Stephanie from Ponce, P.R.

[liz]

hey hogan crew,
i love your show way to much have you ever thought about coming to sandiego it would be awsome i love your family. brooke is very talented.your son is cute. linda is funny and i love the animals. and hulk my brother loves restling i used to watch you on t.v all the time in fact his friends would come to our house to watch you and he has many pics and figures of you! i would love to spend a day with the hogan family