In this episode Brooke's jammin'. Jammin'! And she hopes you like jammin', too.

Can't you tell?

As the episode starts, we see Brooke being interviewed at a Miami radio station.

She reveals that she's be on the bill of a "big reggae concert" to go down soon. Interesting. Was the bluegrass fest already booked?

Anyway, she practices for the show:

As she does this, Linda rocks out...

...and Terry raps:

Yeah, baby, I been wrestlin' for way too long
Now you're gonna sing this funky, funky song
I don't know what I'm gonna do
When I get right with you
So you better run for your life or I'm gonna kill you, too

You can definitely see where Brooke gets her enthusiasm for music from now, right?

Despite the head nodding, Linda has a criticism: Brooke's song is called "About Us," yet none of the moves she's practicing incorporate her song's guest rapper, Paul Wall, in any way. And really, can you blame Brooke for thinking of "us" as a singular entity having had the fear of God and boys instilled in her by Terry?

Linda suggests Brooke get...suggestive with Paul.

Interesting that Terry doesn't get bent out of shape when Linda does what Brooke isn't allowed.

Rehearsals continue at the venue, hours before the show. Brooke and Linda bicker because Brooke doesn't want to wear heels on stage, but Linda thinks that without heels, Brooke will be depriving the audience of something to look at. Then comes what could be Linda Hogan's realest moment of reality yet. She looks into the camera...

...and then, to no one in particular (which is to say: everyone), she says, "She doesn't listen, she's so hard-headed, she's 18 now, she just knows everything." This is exactly like when that lady who's been tussling with her child in the supermarket aisle turns to you, and even though you haven't even been gawking or anything, she addresses you, half explaining what's going on out of embarrassment, half lamenting the state of her life out of frustration. Lady, your ice cream's melting.

Then Linda suggests Brooke put more attitude into her walk.

Then Linda tells Brooke not to look down as much.

Then, finally, it's the show. Terry introduces Paul and Brooke doing the Hulk routine, ripped shirt and all.

Then Brooke and Paul perform and it's fine -- there's chemistry, heels, attitudinal walking and plenty of looking up. Yay. Afterward, Linda praises Brooke's performance and says that the crowd loved her. For Brooke this is too little, too late, as she advises Linda to get off her back.

Linda's right back on it within minutes, though, after receiving a call from Brooke's publicist. It seems that FHM wants Brooke as their cover girl. Here is Linda's reaction to hearing the news:

As this is for FHM and will require sexing up, image-wise, they are reluctant to tell Terry. They decide to just go behind his back and do it without him. They quickly unmake that decision when he gets home. They ease him into the idea -- Linda explains that, yes, FHM features sexy babes in bikinis...

...but it also features articles on cars (probably with sexy babes in bikinis on top of them) and style (probably so that you can bag those sexy babes in bikinis). Linda goes a bit too far when she adds, "It's a high class..." and is abruptly cut off by Brooke. Yeah, Linda, don't even bother finishing that sentence.

It turns that Terry will be out of town for a Raw match during the FHM shoot, which makes him even less happy. But Linda promises she'll protect Brooke. And by "protect," she means advising Brooke not to do this...

...("But it's so tempting!") and allowing her daughter to run around the set, pre-shoot, in bathing suits and looking like Björk, circa '93...

Then the shoot happens and it's predictably provocative.

 

When Terry sees the pictures (via his cellphone) he isn't happy. In fact, he is officially the new face of disappointment.

The disappointment only expands when the actual magazine comes out.

In it, Brooke reveals that she gives great back rubs. This is too much for Terry to deal with. He buys all the remaining copies of the magazine at the mini-mart he first spotted it...

...and then hits up a few more spots in the area...

Is this a very tangible symbol for the futility in attempting to keep your child from growing up, or is Terry going to travel the nation on an FHM-buying crusade? Tune in next week to find out!

Comments

[Sandy]

Oh Terry! When will he let Brooke grow up?

[angelina]

Paul Wall is delicious.

[Amanda]

Hulk give Brooke some slack. Whyd u have to og out and buy all the magazines. Shes going to be mad at u for life

[edith]

hello hogans how are all of you today? im good and im a big fan of u all .... i wish i could meet u all in person .... i think brook is doin really good in her singing career and she sounds great .... yes i have bought one of her cds :) i liked the one show that u all did when u learned spanish lol that was funny.... but i wanted to learn with u i wish i could have .....so i have a questoin for hogan what are u going to do now that u are not wrestling any more? and i just wanted to let ya know that i miss seeing u in the ring and hogan u are so funny when im watching ur shows im laffin at u cause u crack me up lol but i hope to hear from u all some time u all have a good week and take care love the plummers xoxoxoxoand say hello to linda for me please

[sonja hill]

hulk you really do know whats best for your family i like how your the one that keeps everybody grounded. it's good to know that your not just a hot, buff, guy that fine as hell your a great dad. brooke just take it for now you'll respect him so much as you grow

[sonja]

hulk you really do know whats best for your family i like how your the one that keeps everybody grounded. it's good to know that your not just a hot, buff, guy that fine as hell your a great dad. brooke just take it for now you'll respect him so much as you grow (edithwho)

[keeping it real!]

Brook? you need to eat more rabbit food and exercise.
Your going to end up looking like your over weight loadmouth mom!!!
And the hulkster How about some plastic surgery?
LITTLE BROTHER!!!

[sista hogan fan]

terry you need to cut brooke a little slack. she's in the entertainment business - let her entertain. I feel like she has so much more to offer but you are not allowing her to shine. I love you brooktini.

[abby]

well 1st brooke u do not need to lose anything u give new meaning to fit so that sonja person needs to F-off,girl u keep doing what u are doing and ur mom is so cute and she is the right size ur dad is cool Dont you hate haters!!!

[allison]

I love all your pictures!I wacth every single epsiode of your seasons!Luv ya!

[care]

tee hee silly viewers, the hogan's don't write these recaps, rich does. he's much smarter/funnier/better looking than any of those hooli-hogans.

[Macho Man]

Come on HULK!
You been pimpin your little puggy daughter for the past two years. Now she show a little skin and you flip out. Get her chunky ass from in front of the mic and toss her in the ring where that wide frame of her's belongs. The baby phat will soon become real fat in the next year and you will have have very little choice in picking the next Hogan meal ticket. What you gonna do, when Brooke ass get to chuncky for you? Brother

[kk]

omg! i love the show it is the best of vh1! and i really love the show a lot! it is a good show! and i am a big fan of nick hogan and hulk hogan!

[Deborauh jJ Britnell]

OMG--In ALL of these pics the HULK DOES NOT-repeat-DOES NOT have a beer in his hand or face--come on Terry-cut back better yet-stop-drinking kills-as much if not more than tobbacco

[Mayra]

Terry needs to get off of brooke's back. How annoying having parents like that.As 4 brooke,Girl keep doing what your doing Youre beautiful and very talented !!!

[Jennatini]

Omg!! I am a huge fan. I remeber being alittle girl and my cousin wrestled for WWF but he was a nobody haha :) he ended up entertaining at the Fairgrounds in Nasville, TN. Anyways I love all you guys. Hulk I think you are a great dad. I wish mine was more like you instead of a drug addict. Linda you are a great mom too, you support your kids and thats cool, another think i wish I had. Brooke your going to go far! Keep up the good work, and Nick...you will find your calling your still young....heck your a HOGAN so thats enough nahhhh J/K dont live off the Hogan money. Find ur calling. Im hoping its in ur dads steps in the ring BROTHER :)