It's the finale of Celebrity Fit Club 4, and there isn't a dry eye in the house...

Come join in the...fun?

cBecause it's the final episode of this round of Celebrity Fit Club, everyone (or almost everyone -- a-hem, Bone) went all out and dressed up.

The most dapper is Ted Lange, who wore a tux. He really takes his CFC seriously! Completing the look is a bow tie in the place of the choker he received at that ranch where he and Hot Buttered Soul met Gary Busey.

How long do you think it took to wrestle him away from that choker? Up till the last minute, he was all, "Brown choker, black tie -- close enough!"

Wasting no time in getting to the final weigh-ins, Ant announces that Carnie will be the first up and mentions the difficulties Carnie has had over the course of the season. Carnie reacts.

Carnie...difficult? No way! We cut to a clips reel of Carnie's trials and tribulations throughout the season that's full of crazy faces, excuses for dwindling weight loss, a polygraph and one mention of an "Italian sausage stud." Ah, memories.

Finally, Carnie faces the panel. Last week, she weighed 168. Her target for this week was 4 lbs. She hits the scale and...

She's two pounds lighter. "I'm happy with that," she says. Like it'd be possible for her to be unhappy, ray of sunshine that she is.

Carnie is shown a video of her dad, Brian Wilson, telling her he's proud of her weight loss.

And so start the waterworks...

Dr. Linda asks Carnie about being a public figure known for losing weight again, and Dr. Linda describes Carnie's responsibility as such as "a weight on your shoulders" again. Not once has Dr. Linda said, "No pun intended" after one of her weight-on-your-shoulders-because-of-weight-loss analogies. Shouldn't this be a learning experience for everyone?

Harvey reminds Carnie that a major step in her journey was overcoming a hatred for exercise. Now she merely detests it. Kidding! Carnie is hopeful for future fitness.

Before the next contestant faces the panel, we cut to the Fit Camp challenge of the week, which is a redux of the first challenge, a series of four events the CFCers must compete in -- push-ups, jump rope, long jump and a quarter mile run. What follows are the results and how they compare to the outcome of the first episode's challenge.

Of course, it wouldn't be a proper throwback if Nick didn't come close to breaking blood-vessels from taking the challenge so seriously.

He also, of course, competes with Ted as though Ted is the human embodiment of fat and cholesterol.

The best part of Nick's heckling is this gem:

"Remember that, Teddy: I'm the one with the balls." He's probably not talking about fitness balls, but in this game, he could be and it'd still be impressive.

In the end, the blue team has improved by 22 percent in the challenge versus the first time they performed these events. But the read team has improved by 26 percent and so they win the challenge.

Their prizes are a 5 lb. credit on the final weigh in, and Harvey Awards. Yes, they receive actual Oscar-esque trophies for their collective effort.

Finally, the mantles of Hot Buttered Soul are complete.

As a final part of the Fit Camp challenge, Harvey announces that each contestant will be strapped with their original weight upon entering the competition, using large pieces of fat...

...is that color Nightmare Yellow?

The contestants are made to run with the added pounds, and get to see what it was like to exert themselves at their former weights.

Angie's all, "Eat it or wear it!"

Mmmm. Cheetos.

Back at panel, it's Vinny's turn. Last time, he weighed 248 lbs. His target loss for this time was 4 lbs.

Almost!

Vincent reflects on his time on CFC. He says that he's normally a "quitta" but that his obligation to his team made him press on. He gained a sense of trust from the show and reveals that he overcame fear of failure to participate in Celebrity Fit Club -- he thought at first he wouldn't end up losing anything. Once a Big Pussy...

Next is Erika's turn. Last time, she weighed 129 and her target for the time was 4 lbs.

Above and beyond!

Carnie's elated and gives her second best reaction in her total time on CFC (the No. 1 is coming up!):

The empathy and the ecstasy.

Erika's percent of body-weight loss is now 20.4, which vaults her over Tina (who, at last weigh-in, had 16.5 percent loss under her belt). Erika cries because she's proud of herself. And maybe because, you know, it's the thing to do. We see video of Erika's husband Roch...

Roch reports: "For everybody out there who's worried about if your woman gets pregnant, she'll never have her body back, Erika's living proof that that's not true." Good to know!

Procreation is A-OK in Roch's book.

And really, with Erika and Carnie openly weeping as much as they are...

...this episode of CFC could have been subtitled Pushing Steel Magnolias. Between, sobs, Erika tells us, "I love life. Life is good, man." Well, now the producers know who to call when they want to cast the first season of Celebrity Hippie Club, man.

It's Ted's turn next. Last time, he weighed 164. Though he'd already hit his target for the season, Dr. Ian challenged him to drop an additional 3 lbs., for the sake of Hot Buttered Soul's numbers. Ted hits the scale and...

Once again, Ted has reached his goal. This makes him the first contestant in CFC history to hit every target that the judges assigned.

Everyone is happy about Ted's accomplishment. Even Nick gives him a standing-o.

Ah. Closure.

Of course, what accomplishment would be complete without some tears?

Way to shed some for the team!

While Nick is still facing the panel, Harvey recalls the time that he got down in the mud to show Ted and Nick how to do a real mud crawl.

Harvey's going to miss the mud most of all.

Ted then recites a poem he wrote about CFC as a goodbye present to everyone:

It's a club to make celebrities fit
Works like a dream, if you don't quit
I came here overweight and pudgy
Ate lots of pizza, ice cream with fudgie
Got my s*** together, made it strong and tight
For I knew it would be a long, tough fight
It's a club to make celebrities fit
But I didn't feel famous, shoveling horse s***
So now I find it's mind over matter
Get it together or end up fatter
Thanks to the teams that wouldn't let me quit
It's a club to make celebrities fit

Awwww. He shouldn't have!

Before we leave Ted, Ant gets him to recreate his signature Love Boat move...

Adorable. Why couldn't he do that every episode?

Nick faces the panel next. Before that, though, we run through the history of Nick's CFC experience. Basically, there's a lot of eye-bulging and shouting. He really knew how to work out that face! After the clips, we hear that Nick weighed 158 lbs., last week. His target for this week was 3 lbs.

Nice! Five more down.

This loss yields Carnie's greatest reaction in her time on the show.

Maybe she's celebrating. Maybe she's implying that Nick got his weight down by smoking crack. Hm.

We find out that when Nick started, his percent body fat was 25 -- he's now down to 17. Not one to allow elation to linger for too long, Dr. Linda mentions Nick's recently passed mother. Nick says he would have liked her to witness his weight loss and out come the tears...

Did Dr. Linda, like, minor in cryology? Is she looking to become the next Barbara Walters? Does her breath smell like onions? Why is she so good at making people feel so sad?!?!

After things settle, it's Angie's turn. A series of clips highlights Angie's complaining over the course of the season (best was when she accused her fellow contestants of treating her like "doo-dooooo"). We also are reminded of how Angie turned herself around -- admittedly, it was impressive.

Last time, Angie weighed 209. Her target for this time was 6 lbs. She steps on the scale and...

...oh well.

Angie says that she's still looking to get below 200 lbs., and then she sings a song about loving herself and it's really convincing.

She's gonna make it after all. If only she'd worn a hat!

Bone Crusher faces the panel next. Last time, he weighed 377 lbs. His weight-loss goal for this time was 5 lbs.

Close!

Even though he didn't hit his goal for this week, there's no shame in his game -- he hit the record for the most weight lost during CFC ever last week. This week, he just extended his lead. Dr. Ian reminds us that since 100 days have passed, Bone has lost an average of 1 lb., every other day. Truly impressive. Bone says that he has his eye on 300 lbs., and Harvey says that once Bone gets under 300 lbs., they'll play basketball again. But will they wrestle, too?

Finally, it's Tina's turn to be weighed in. Last time, she weighed 161 lbs. Her target for this time was 4 lbs., though in order to beat Erika in the race toward the highest percentage of body weight lost, she'd have to drop 8 lbs. Tina hits the scale and...

She did it! She officially has lost the highest percentage of body weight out of all of the contestants. She's so excited, she pees herself! (Well, not really, but look at how she's crouching!)

We don't even see Tina talking with the judges -- she's instantly whisked away to her car. She's all, "That car is my ticket out of here! Laters!"

Finally, it's time for the final weigh-in. We're reminded of the prizes for each member of the winning team -- concierge service for a year, a watch, a trip to a spa in San Lucas, luggage and $20,000 in cash. Both teams hit those scales and...

With 129 lbs., lost between them, the Fat Crushers win. Hot Buttered Soul came in behind, with a not-so-distant 119 lbs.

And that wraps up this season of Celebrity Fit Club. Remember: the scales don't lie...but they don't say goodbye, either. Please accept our apologies for this. They don't realize that they're kind of rude.

Check out the exclusives from the season finale of Celebrity Fit Club right here on VSPOT!

Comments

[christy]

Ha, i just noticed that Bone Crusher's original weight says "224" instead of "424"... apparently the editors of this episode were smoking crack with Nick :-)

[Ria Bean]

Love the show, I wish the creators of the show would have a contest where someone (not famous) could have the chance to go on celebrity fit club to lose weight. A great chanc to meet celebrities and lose weight. To me the best way to lose weight is to compete with a group of people, and who better to motivate you than a group of real celebs. But that's just a thick girl's dream. Being 5'7", weighing 190lbs, I would love to lose 30lbs, but I have no outside support and I am lazy as hell. Anyway the show is great. Looking forward to see who's on there next season.

[angie]

Iwould just like to say that all the celebs did a great job. they worked hardand i watchesd their struggle from start to finish. i'm a single mom of 3 and i'm so inspired about taking better car4e of my self because actually seeing the fat that you carry around with you isnot a pretty pic.