This week's recap is brought to you by the letter "A."

"A" is for Angie, activity, athleticism, aggravation, annoyance, animosity...you know, all that good stuff.

Before the first drop of sweat is shed on this week's episode of Celebrity Fit Club, Ant tells the two teams -- Chili con Carnie (Carnie Wilson, Vincent Pastore, Tina Yothers and Ted Lange) and the Fat Crushers (Bone Crusher, Angie Stone, Nick Turturro and Erika Eleniak) -- that major changes are to take place. A person will be voted out of each team and forced to join the other. All of the weight that the ousted person has lost so far will now count toward his or her new team's total. Ant announces the news gravely, as though the world of Celebreality will NEVER. BE. THE. SAME. AGAIN.

But his seriousness is no match for that of the teams, who are unanimously up in arms (and they aren't even doing pull-ups or jumping jacks or anything). And, really, it does kind of suck because everyone's forced to turn against a teammate now. Here's how the voting goes down:

Angie votes for Bone Crusher after, apparently, much indecision (check out all the scribbling out on her card):

Nick picks Erika (to give the other team help, he reasons -- way to spin it, Nicky!). Erika picks Nick (so that she can watch him interact with Vincent, which is really altruistic, if you think about it). Bone votes for Angie, and she gets the boot (as the final Fat Crusher to vote, the choice becomes his).

Over on the Chili con Carnie side, Tina votes for Carnie ("For no reason."). That doesn't make Carnie happy at all.

Ted chooses Carnie (he reasons that Carnie and Angie are "evenly matched") and Vinny chooses Ted ("'Cause it ain't gonna happen!"). There's no way that Carnie can stick around at this point, but since it'd be unfair to strip her completely of her dignity, Ant allows her to share her vote. It's for Tina, which seems a little bit hypocritical since she got all bottom-lip-out sad when Tina chose her. But whatever. No lip's gonna save her now.

Ant tells the former Chili con Carnies to think of a new name and captain, and Vinny immediately elects Ted. Before you can say, "Up your googie," Angie voices her disapproval...

She threatens to walk off the show, claims to have been treated like "doo doo" and then demands to be made captain.

Everyone's all...

"What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Angie?"

Oh Vinny, quitters never win...except, wait a minute, the point here is to lose weight. Hmmm. Maybe quitting is that elusive way to target love handles? Try it and let us know.

Anyway, after the devastating, CFC-altering blow that was the team-member swap, the teams have a Fit Camp competition to complete -- a two-mile hike through a marked trail in the mountains.

The Fat Crushers totally ace it. Again, Nick blows a gasket, but it's at least a happy gasket.

It's not as happy of a trail for the red team, thanks to Angie, who needs frequent assistance...

(Oh snap! The egg whites are gonna be jealous!)

Angie also stops a few times because she's scared that her heart condition might be...killing her?

A medic is brought in...

...so it seems serious. Still, Tina points out that Angie doesn't work out and is not trained for this kind of activity, heart condition or no heart condition. The red team finally makes it to the finish line after much heavy breathing.

Next, we're whisked over to panel and Angie's already crying...

Great sign! This won't be dramatic or anything. Angie's the first one to face the panel. Even better!

Angie's lost only 1 lb., but she was supposed to lose 4.

She blames it on her lack of exercise, though Dr. Ian points out the pastrami sandwich Angie enjoyed during the Fit Camp competition. Angie also had a piece of carrot cake, which really gets Carnie's goat.

Angie explains that she's been deviating from her diet because, "I'm trying to get myself mentally in a place where I'm not eating egg whites for the rest of my life."

Whoa! Stop the presses! Angie Stone and egg whites to split! Wow. Didn't you think they'd last forever? Who's next? Tom and Katie? Brad and Angelina? Clearly, nothing's for sure anymore. (You know that multi-grain toast is just waiting to catch Angie on the rebound.)

When grilled about her poor performance at the Fit Camp, Angie blames it on her heart condition, but nobody's buying it. Dr. Ian says Angie's doctor is enthusiastic about Angie performing such physical activity, but, giving her the benefit of the doubt, he's arranged for a heart study. Angie, you're gonna be in trouuuuubllllllle! Angie also rather hilariously blames her poor showing on a fear of snakes. Where is Sam Jackson when you need him?

No one's buying what Angie's selling.

When the giggling dies down, we learn that Angie's target weight loss is 6 lbs.

We also learn that Tina has been elected the new captain of the Celebrity Fit Club team formerly known as the Chili con Carnies. That team will now be known as Hot Buttered Soul. Ya dig?

Bone Crusher is up next. He lets us know that his target weight loss was 6 lbs. He does this in hearing-impaired-friendly format.

Bone, if the hip-hop thing doesn't work out, you can always get a job as a closed caption.

It turns out that Bone has lost 4 lbs.

Not his target, but not bad.

We find out that Bone indulged in some Sumo wrestling since we last saw him.

He wipes the floor with his competitor. He takes him out like the trash. And that's meant more literally than you might think.

The other guy's all, "But I'm recyclable!"

Bone's target weight loss is 8 lbs.

Next up is Tina...

She lost 8 lbs. -- that's double her target.

Tina takes the opportunity to explain why she was hard on Angie during the Fit Camp challenge – Tina lost her father six months ago to a heart attack and only wishes that she could go back to set him on a healthy path. Since Angie's still here, Tina's going to continue encouraging her. Now that is winning spirit.

Tina's target is 4 lbs.

It's Carnie's turn. Before we hear about her weight loss, we see her rock climbing again -- it would seem that the wall is back from f***ing off.

She's serious this time. For real: she sounds like a monster as she's preparing for her climb. It's like The Descent, but, you know...backwards. Carnie climbs, and this time, Dr. Linda's in the house to cheer her on.

She's all, "Pay no attention to the weight on your shoulders. No pun intended...I think!" Anyway, this time, Carnie succeeds! She reaches the top!

Here comes the sun...

Back at panel, Carnie weighs in and she's lost 3 lbs.

Not bad -- just 1 lb. off her target.

Carnie's new target is 5 lbs.

Vinny's next up...

Bad news: he's gained 2 lbs.

Vinny tries to explain the gain by wondering if his fat has turned to muscle, which weighs more. Dr. Ian busts that myth immediately, explaining that fat does not turn to muscle, that they are, in fact, two very different things. Tune in next week when Dr. Ian debunks the theory stating that Pop Rocks and soda will kill you if mixed.

Dr. Ian says the problem probably has to do with what he calls "the Vinny diet," which basically follows the philosophy that cheating on your diet isn't really cheating if you lie about it. It might also have something to do with eating cake with teaspoons. Vinny's new target is 6 lbs.

Ted hits the chopping block next, and...

He's lost 3 lbs., his target.

He makes it look easy. Dr. Linda doesn't ask him about his love life this time around. She's really merciful this week! Ted's target is 3 lbs.

Before another CFCer can face the judges, Vinny starts complaining about the fact that the weight-loss targets range for each contestant. Dr. Ian explains that this is because the total weight-loss goals for each contestant are mapped out ahead of time, and as everyone's ultimate goal is different, everyone's weekly goal will vary. This does nothing to stop all hell from breaking loose. Basically, this is how it goes down:

And then, just when you think Dr. Ian's going to make everyone drop and give him 20 to shut them up, Angie takes off to get away from "all this yellin' in my ear."

Whomever she's talking to must have a soothing voice.

And then...nothing! The episode ends abruptly -- not everyone's even faced the panel yet!

Whoa! "To be continued?" Serious! Let's all pray that Cheri doesn't suffocate in that refrigerator before next time!

Check out gravity defying extras, outstanding performances and weight loss tips from our panel of experts only on VSPOT!

Comments

[Penny Woods]

I must show love for this since everybody else checks out the Flavor of Love 2 recap. Touche, Rich.

[Keisha]

Hahaha, love this one too. The whole replay of the argument w/ the panel is awesome. But really, even though Angie was f'ing up, Vinny's question was legitimate at the beginning. After that, all the conspiracy theories and whatever were just dumb...and then everyone starts yelling @ Angie, when they're (supposedly) talking to Vinny. Punks.

[angela]

that was funny. i liked it. makes me want to give up cake!

[marie martin]

okay, that "pancakes" comment made me spit out my soda all over my keyboard. you owe me a macbook, rich! ; ) and fyi, your recaps make the show funnier, like, times 1000x.

[mariaaaaa]

Rich, whatever they pay you it needs to be doubled! Like ANTM and PJ, your recaps make me want to watch the shows you write about. Now I have to add CFC and FoL2 to my already busy TiVo.

[Bethany]

Omigod did you just make a Punky Brewster reference there at the end?! You must get tires of hearing this, but I love you. Your recaps are the best.